LOST THE WORDS; LOST THE NERVE; LOST THE GIRL; LEFT THE LINE

prom photos!

2006-12-12T18:09:00.000+08:00

okay everyone here are the prom photos. i had to use my blogspot account because my d-land template was too small =/
anyway.

the girls: serene, cheryl, steph, me, sam. marcus was taking the photo =D

dear hilda, my 55 bus buddy and og-mate. tell me where you are!

hani and me, influx of the anti-guyists.

me and my boyfriend and cycling buddy ming =D my boyfriend's very pretty right?

me and pinkbimboballs VERNIE CHIA or miss anya christina cordelia jenkins, sandhurst military academy.

me and mak =D don't worry mak you looked cool in the flapping jacket and snappy pants

me and HANDSOME!! so handsome right? we're very handsome.

priya "horny" babe and me =D

me and the very ultra hot fu kailing, my dearest chocolate

me and mr sexy butt YEEK! haha i'll see you at the next world cup

ling and me. remember the first day of school?

me and andrea who is also somewhat my neighbour. and yes i'm wearing a dress. =D

berber, me, talia. berber is an artist, talia is a housewife

me and siying, whom i promised i'd draw something for

ying and me; i have no idea what she was trying to do heh

josey and me. love the hair

meredith and me. oh i'll always remember those happy pw days =D

the most retarded photo of my collection: mike and me

jasmine babe and me. this photo is very blurry thanks to ming [but i still love ming!]

me and shawn. he looks very scary here

oh man that's it. i realise i haven't taken with many people [esp marcus but if you look carefully he's at the left-hand side of the photo of me and kai.] argh =/ still at least i have one nice one with the girls. ok out! and in case you're wondering my blog is at i'm on another world with you . not here! thanks =D

STILL ALIVE!!

2006-02-27T17:31:00.000+08:00

I HAVE COME ALIVE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM HERE NOW!!!!!!!!

wendy clear

2005-12-22T20:58:00.000+08:00

but i'd play with fire to break the ice
and i'd play with a nuclear device
is it something i'll regret
why do i want what i can't get
i wish it didn't have to be so bad

i'll be movin' on
movin' on
movin' on, on, on
movin' on
movin' on
movin' on, on, on

i've MOVED.to diary-x. so please update your links if any. see yall next year.

die blues

2005-12-18T15:44:00.000+08:00

everything about life that i have learnt this week, stemming entirely from personal experience:

if you want to earn big bucks and be recognised as a talent in the literary and liberal arts fields, you must read a lot of proper literature, set up your own chain of exotic food [like serbian cuisine, or something] and become a social activist of women's rights.

who says feminists are overrated and have double standards? [even though i am personally not a feminist, i find myself being drawn along that path]

when at a concert at the esplanade, no matter whether it is your school choir concert or inter-junior college band concert or whatever, as long as you are holding a bunch of flowers for your classmate, you are obliged to stand outside the door.

the smell of fresh lilies can distract stage performers, even if they are being contained in a paper bag and held under the seat of a person who is sitting at the greatest distance from the stage.

when dining at some fancy japanese restaurant [not sakae sushi or yoshinoya, mind you, but something like the hanabi or the tatami place], it is advisable to go with your parents, not your school friends, as each person's share is likely to cost three weeks' worth of pocket money.

when you meet a famous member of parliament in a public place, it would be advisable to shake hands and smile politely instead of speaking loudly in singlish and saying, "who you ah?"

when your hairdresser asks if you want to have your head shaved at the sides in a mohawk, it is best to tell him or her that you would be starting school in a few weeks and your discipline master or pe teacher would not be very amused, especially if you are a girl.

it is worth it to sneak into the crazy horse show, just to have a look at their sophisticated lighting equipment and uv effects. and no, it can't wait until you are twenty-one.

if someone tells you that you look very "punk", it's probably not a compliment.

if you want to watch football, you must watch it without emotion, or you'll be up all night biting your nails. alliances can sometimes be very unlikely too, if you know what i mean.

be kind to misogynists, just as you would be kind to those poor little stray animals in the spca, which have all their fur burnt off or their ears clipped or eyes gouged out.

when you want your husband to get something done for you, deprive him of sex and food and money and beer and everything that men like until he does it. [this is one area that wasn't drawn from my personal experience, as i am not married.] essentially, make his life a living hell.

the belief in existentialism is just a defect of the human mind. it is purely psychological and there is nothing scientific or concrete about it.

murder at tyneside

2005-12-12T18:06:00.000+08:00

i think it's time i got my life in order. for real.
no more:
1. slacking when there are two r-papers to study for
2. sitting around in the evenings watching mtv and idiotic movies
3. going out in the daytime etc etc [basically it just boils down to point 1]
4. brain-trash novels aka chicklit, not that i read much chicklit anyway. also, no more retarded chick movies like mean girls and the princess diaries.
5. reunions with sec school friends until r-papers are over [i'm so sorry se and yq and the neh nehs, we'll meet up for a well-deserved GAMBLING SESSION soon]
6. compulsive gambling
7. handing my maths tutorials to yvonne and expecting her to solve everything for me and sit the exam for me etc etc
8. football, though it pains me to say this. anyway i don't want to have anything to do with football until next june.
9. leaving my econs notes in the toilet
10. making trips to places like art friend just to look at the printing materials and not buying anything [oh, by the way, karm, the uv paint for fabrics costs $4.83 per bottle, they've got green, red, yellow and orange, all the neon-ish colours.]
11. wondering what everyone else is doing--they're out there enjoying themselves with their attachments and stuff, not studying because unlike me, they passed their promos
12. man united bashings about their champions league exit and alex ferguson's likely sacking etc etc, because i am determined to be a peaceful person
oh shit i sound so resentful. but it's my fault as usual for not studying before promos, and i shall do my best not to sound angsty and whiny.
and anyway, more of
1. studying for promos [EE would be enough for math and econs]
2. thinking about my character for the group piece
3. thinking about my skill, like everyone else is undoubtedly doing, instead of having a whole thick pile of photocopied notes as the bulk of the journal
4. reccommended non-chick-literature, like the neil gaiman stuff
5. a positive outlook: i can resume my social life once r-papers are over etc etc
6. clearing out my desk; a lot of sec 3 physics stuff under there
7. giving my blog a makeover--what's been putting me off is sheer laziness, but i suspect that i am secretly IT-illiterate as well
8. finding harmony with my group [like being more focused during meetings]
9. doing as mr dax young suggested the other day--going to observe people who are like my character
10. fixing up my clothes

Sir Robin the Brave

2005-12-06T20:42:00.000+08:00

what an irony. Sir Robin. haha. "the brave and valiant Sir Robin, flees courageously at the first sign of danger!" every time i think of that horrifically idiotic song i feel like laughing.
met becky the other day, and once again i was struck by how different we were personality-wise. it's kind of strange, really, when two people of such conflicting beliefs and fancies can still remain friends after five years, especially when one out of those five years was spent in different schools. but something was just the same; we had to compromise on a movie, like we do every time. it's kind of funny, because i said, "saw 2" and she said "prime" and we looked at each other and went "harry potter" together. like the last time, she had suggested "ice princess" and i was like "star wars" or something, then we had gone "mr and mrs smith". HAHA. still the same. i realise we always do that without fail.
anyway, dad is happily watching the new serial rome on hbo. now the production of rome was supposed to be something titanic, like the biggest set of all the serials and movies in the world. hah. i bet LOTR was much bigger. duh so anyway i watched the debut episode, and was horrified to note that caesar is older than brutus. like how can that be?? like in the show caesar looked about fifty and brutus looked about twenty! and i thought they were like the same age. the set is kind of uhh. okay. fantastic but uhh after watching LOTR. and come on. i don't even think pompey was that old. ok, whatever. actually quite disappointed. nice swords and togas and cassius looked all cool and murderous and all, but hmm. a bit slow, the pace, yah?
never mind. let me ramble a bit about something else. the ahem, new "cca" that nicola and i are setting up appears to have spread its feeble wings to hover uncertainly above the ground. a vast step we have taken! i shall hereby announce: hear ye cca-less people! come join our cca and be part of the arts promotion group, cca-less no more! err, we're kind of appealing to tsd people. haha. can you imagine? it would be so cool to walk around vj and say to the average student: "hi, interested in the upcoming neil simon play at the drama centre?" or something like that. well, i suppose it'll be fun if you're not mildly cynical or thin-skinned like i am. hah, whatever. initiative work and a mrs chan stamp of approval. perfect for uni applications.
anyway, have realised that will fail maths r anyway, so putting studying on hold. ugh should just be three subber lah. assuming can pass econs.
and one more thing. my group has finally got a piece! yay.

spanish apartment

2005-12-01T21:19:00.000+08:00

watched this fantastic movie two days ago called spanish apartment. it's not quite spanish, mainly french, because the main character is french. i say, it's the first french movie i watched which i actually felt very happy watching. it's so much better than that love me if you dare thing that i watched with the CATS last time. hey CATS, especially the CATS girls, go watch spanish apartment!
anyway watching the movie made me think a bit about my days in new zealand the last time, where everyone was from different countries and we were thrown together and made friends. i didn't expect to like spanish apartment, because my favourite types of movies go in this order:
1. those large-scale fantasy or historical epics, like the lord of the rings or star wars
2. those action gothic flicks like underworld
3. cartoons like finding nemo; oh god i'm a sucker for cartoons, especially funny ones, not weepy boring ones like polar express
4. action-packed comedy spoofs like spaceballs or austin powers or MONTY PYTHON and the HOLY GRAIL! haha!
5. weird movies in alternate reality with ambiguous endings, where characters change personalities or some other weird thing happens
so you see i'm not really into those happy comedies, particularly if they're in french, but spanish apartment is really nice. i would like to live like xavier, in a nice little flat, slightly messy, with several good friends where everyone takes it easy and makes jokes all the time.
when you look at xavier's character it seems as though he has a very happy life overall but he just is kind of resistant to change. ok i'm not really making sense here. but uhh. just go and watch the movie lah, and maybe you'll find yourself yearning to live like xavier too.
:D
another movie i want to watch is pride and prejudice! not the newfangled keira knightley one but the original bbc one with colin firth as mr darcy. haha. and i also want to watch saw 2, but unfortunately i don't know anyone else besides myself who wants to see it.

shamans' tribe

2005-11-27T17:00:00.000+08:00

haven't done guides stuff in a thousand years. maybe i should have joined YA then now i wouldn't have this confusion over the lack of cca. well anyway spent the last two days back in sn [actually no bloody point, because orange bowl stall wasn't open and we had to chop our own food] helping out at the guides camp. miraculous flu recovery was the fastest ever: one point five days. although the first day i felt like shit the next day i turned out fairly fine. i even ate a whole box of chocolates with kiwi centres while i was cooped up at home.
things i haven't done for very long and i am slightly embarrassed to admit that i took a while getting used to now:
one; lacing up tents. like okay i was an emcee for three and a half years and i ponned half of the guides camps so i had no idea how to lace up a tent. i suppose that's no excuse lah, but seriously.
two; do outdoor cooking. yay i must say that most of the time it takes longer to get the fire started than to cook.
three; prevent guyropes from fraying. i can't really remember what a clove hitch is. anyway, old guides joke: what kind of ropes fray at the ends, have excess hair sticking out of gross areas, stink terribly and lie around looking limp half the time? answer: GUY-ropes! haha!
four; confiscating things and making people do push-ups. to tell the truth, i didn't have to do any today. haha. but i did confiscate a lot of things, including a very ugly pink notebook, a packet of mamee, a groundsheet [mama mia!] and some other kitchen utensils.
today gladys asked a very interesting question while we sat around wrapping [or for some reason they call it "frapping"] the guyropes. she said, would you ever go for a personality makeover for a guy? and while i was like SHIT NO everyone else was saying, ah it depends, etc etc. well okay i admit it was a very straightforward question but i guess i expected everyone to say no outright. then christine said i'd changed a lot since joining tsd. like i'd become even weirder. and then of course everybody started wondering what became of chun jia. then i told cheryl [quek] about kah gay swearing outside the 7-eleven with mr teo, and she said, "so what? not all lit teachers are refined what. look at HARRIS." HAHAHA.
well i suppose my one and a half days at guides was fun, though i barely had the opportunity to take a mela photo with ali, rong and angela. i think nobody has changed much. everyone i saw at camp--michelle, ali, feng, rong, si lin, angela, renny and gladys--everyone is more or less the same as before. so much for going to jc and changing. okay so according to christine i have become weirder. and feng has become crazier. and rong has become more perverse. but basically it still feels the same as before, except we now have more juniors and more problems of our own. it was good to see everybody again and catch up on scandals.
i realise i cannot handle the guide juniors. i wouldn't know what to do with them if i was in charge of let's say, all of them. when i wasn't lacing tents or whatever i was just slacking and leaving the scolding to other seniors. maybe i'm not cut out to be a senior because i'm too slack.
today gladys said she could see me at broadway in a few years' time. ha ha, gladys. maybe i'll check in and work as a costume designer for those musical-ish pieces.

alternate reality

2005-11-17T18:15:00.000+08:00

happy birthday PAOEY PAO!! :D
i watched this film today called the cube. initially the main idea was kind of explored during tsd workshop as a group piece but to tell the truth i think the idea has been terribly overused. the fascinating thing was the architecture and construction of the set. which i'll explain.
see, the story is, these eight people wake up to find themselves trapped in a "fourth-dimension" alternate reality. essentially the structure is in the form of a huge cube and everyone has to find a way out using their expertise in their different careers. this cube is divided into a few billion chambers with differing gravity shifts [like wow! how do you you build a set in theatre with changes in gravity shifts?!]. so, a-la battle royale they fight tooth and nail to get out of the cube and murder each other in the process. finally one girl, the heroine, finds her way out and is brought before this guy in a suit who is in a government conspiracy. then, because he is wary of her intelligence and knowledge of mathematics and government business gleaned from her dead companions, he promptly shoots her in the head.
like whoa. like, think absurd scenario, people who barely know each other trapped in some alternate reality together and trying to find a way out. now dudes doesn't that sound a wee bit familiar? but come on this movie is freaking cool. like ooh twists. go watch. it's on cable so err... just try and watch it lah. it's the original version of the "how are we going to get out of this weird box" scenario.
best quote: "time is the fourth dimension". WHOAA!!!!!!!!!!!! now how do you explain that??? that is really interesting man.
ok, now on to some more concrete stuff away from all that matrix-ey nonsense. yesterday we had the tsd party [ahem! tsd gm rather, at lofty's house, because some people took the opportunity to grab the teachers to discuss skills and ccas, myself included, ah, but i was the one discussing ccas.]. best food:
1. mr young's tiramisu tops the list!
2. the murtabak [bob's i think :D]
3. hwei san's and ming's pasta and basically everyone who made pasta and lasagne and other italian dishes
4. sam's apple crumble.
5. herbal chicken [tim's. thank goodness it was not cheesecake].
6. the fruit salads--i think they belonged to gen and some others, maya's rice, yeek's ice-cream [the strawberry made me a bit sick lah, especially at that time of the night but it was nice all the same, dear], the fishballs, the veggie rolls
7. everything else that i sampled and forgot to mention
8. the nasi lemak form old airport road. nobody ate it at all and it was junked very fast because nobody could finish it. too bad cats. it's sad, i know.
9. the sparkling apple juice. [sorry but this wasn't good at all, i liked the grape better. and i saw that can of heineken hidden behind the coke!!]
eventually got home from the party at around 12.30 am. my goodness i could live like this forever. went home with andrea, yeek and marcus and we talked about the bermuda triangle and why history as a subject is more useful than f-maths. wish i could jump up now and yell, "hey freaks, who gives a shit about mathematical formulas and equations? like maclaurin's series is supposed to help you do your job as a frigging CEO in future! go screw yourself, math! bloody. incomprehensible."
which gets me on to something else. maybe i should just drop math since i'm getting more and more muddled. but i know i won't because i'm a procrastinator and because i told mr koh i'd try and get a damn A. it's so funny.
was nice talking to them. and andrea, you can drive me home the next time!

gaffanideboob

2005-11-15T16:26:00.000+08:00

class chalet was fine. slightly better than i expected. only that i was really tired the next day and i think i did really badly during group. ah sorry group!

10 bad things about the chalet:
1. the toilets with no locks
2. the lack of a dvd player or a rudimentary sound system
3. the mosquitoes [shit there were freaking a lot.]
4. the ah ma blankets with all the little holey holes
5. the person who pissed in the downstairs toilet all over the rim and didn't flush [has to be a guy. i'm dead sure.]
6. ulu-ness
7. the fact that we couldn't switch on the air-con for more than seven hours
8. the guy who came in the morning and tried to get us to hurry up and check out
9. the bees [yes there were bees, pity no honey]
10. lack of mahjong table or mahjong tiles rental service like at costa sands

10 fantastic things about the chalet
1. good opportunity for ghost stories, only we ended up telling them during the day
2. theoretical opportunity to see the sunrise [which only three people attempted and failed because they were blocked by trees]
3. working fridge
4. abundance of people who can play mahjong
5. mr ng kah gay's sparkling grape juice, the satay, talia's boiled abalone noodles and tim's collapsed cheesecake
6. nice double bed which mostly meredith occupied
7. mahjong and more mahjong
8. some bonding did take place between all the cliques, eventually
9. mahjong [i didn't even have to bring out the poker cards!]
10. the setting itself: nice, gothic-style mansion with creaking stairs and surrounded by creepy forest

on hindsight, i realise i spent about 17 hours at the chalet, 2 of which were spent sleeping, 3 of which i spent eating or cooking marshmallows, 3 of which the class bonding and games session took place, 1 where i learnt how to play the mrt game with ta, bernice, serene and tim and 1 where i spent lazing around and bitching about having to go to school. meaning, if i did the math correctly, i spent precisely SEVEN hours playing mahjong. SHIT. i'm so hardcore. there's something cathartic about mahjong.
all right! now on to tomorrow's tsd party. :D
oh yes, and today was power-women lumos time. me, bernice, hani and yish managed to SET UP THE FREAKING SCAFFOLD IN THE FREAKING AVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D can you imagine if kai had come today? then we would never have gotten around to doing it because we would have been reliant on her to climb. haha! luMos girl power. i concede we could have used mr rowell soon's help too, except that he didn't turn up.

she left me roses on the stairs

2005-11-11T20:12:00.000+08:00

today mr dax young asked me: what's the difference between fluorescent house lighting and stage gens? like why aren't they interchangeable? and i was like uhmmuh... okay. good question after i thought i'd answered a part of it.
for the second time in my life, i found myself lost around lorong ah soo in the upper paya lebar road area this afternoon. see, i was taking 43, the new bus service, because i thought it would drop me near my usual stop but suddenly it made this gigantic turn around the singtel and started following this bus number 53 instead in a roundabout fashion. i realised it would take me twice as long to get to my usual stop. so shit. i got off the bus and wandered around for a while at this unfamiliar bus stop. at times like these i wish i was born transport-savvy. eventually i found a 76 bus. wah i felt so stupid.
the first time i got lost in the same area was three years ago when i took 76 to ang mo kio but then fell asleep and staggered off in a blind panic abot 20 stops later. now i think of it i feel really stupid. called becky who lived around the area and asked her where in christ's name i was. wah shit.
hmm. the other day i was on this website when i found this punk rock clothing line. can't remember the name but it looked quite okay. then there was this picture marquee that scrolled past, and suddenly hilary duff appeared wearing thick black eyeliner and ripped clothing and these metal studs on leather and cuffs and all. like okay. maybe, just maybe, miss duff could be punk. but punk rock? does she know what punk rock is? it's like the sex pistols and ozzy osbourne and stuff. like okay. i have nothing against hilary, unlike ahem! sam, so i'm not going to slam her.

but really, if music needs classification:
pop: hilary duff, westlife that kinda thing. avril lavigne too.
pop-rock: hmm, i would say rob thomas and simple plan. sorry, good charlotte falls here too, so apologies to those who find them more punk-ish.
punk: green day.
punk-rock: what i mentioned above, yah. [actually technically really and basically, this is not my own definition of music.]
somewhere between pop and punk but more towards pop: sum-41.
hilary duff: the yoko ono of good charlotte. TOTALLY. [how predictable.]

feel like i'm going to be bored out of my mind these two months. maybe if i have attachments like everybody else i wouldn't be so lethargic. actually it's my own fault i got landed with two r-papers, and that one of them happens to be maths. come to think of it i'd rather take econs r and just drop the fuckin' maths. like dammit. econs i can cram and forget about practising every day. should have told mrs low i'd rather drop maths. maybe i'll just pon maths-r. really really feel now that everyone who opted not to do jc maths is extremely wise. for that, i'll toast you all.

this is all i have to say to you

2005-11-07T20:30:00.000+08:00

LIKE, SERIOUSLY, JOSE.
DID YOU THINK YOU COULD REALLY TRULY GO FOR 40+ GAMES IN THE PREMIERSHIP WITHOUT LOSING???
OR EVEN... 50+ GAMES?
WELL HERE'S THE TRUTH DUDE...
YOU COULDN'T EVEN DO IT WITH A BILLION POUNDS IN THE CLUB'S BANK ACCOUNT.
:)

oh yeah.

2005-11-06T15:41:00.000+08:00

the anger hurts my ears
been running strong for seven years
rather than fix the problems
they never solve them
it makes no sense at all

i see them every day
we get along so why can't they
if this is what he wants
and if it's what she wants
then why's there so much pain

there's this new computer game called football manager. my goodness, i always get really scared playing these games. before championship manager came out there was this premier league thingy that i played. that one was very terrible. i remember this particular function in the game called "bond with your players" or something.
anyway, the program forced me to manage chelsea for some reason. couldn't get access to any of the other clubs, or maybe i was as tech illerate then as i am now. so chelsea it was, for a while, then i discovered that "bond with your players" function. stupidly i clicked on it and suddenly everybody started demanding new contracts and moves to bigger, better [at that time chelsea wasn't rich yet] clubs across europe. i would be playing the game and suddenly this pop-up box would say something like "frank lampard wants out or 700 000 million pounds a week". so much for bonding with the players.
the highlight was when my team of chelsea superstars lost 1-4 to arsenal and subsequently to west ham and middlesbrough. needless to say i packed away the game and gave it to my cousin.
huff.
oh yes, and i'm dropping tennis. that's because today my mother was like, "you know everything already what, you're also not going to a tournament!" yes, that's sadly true. and i have to agree, no matter how much i earn clearing practice cones and tennis balls for the coach. i mean, that was my somewhat temporary job and source of live income. so now i'm free to take up something else. i'm thinking of learning spanish. or maybe i should learn chinese first to stay true to my roots.
let me talk about something else now. my lightscape. was reading some books from the lib on stage lighting and i realised lighting is really very difficult. contrary to what people think, a lights piece is not technical like a sound piece. lights designers need to collaborate with EVERYONE: the director [duh], costume designer, make-up artist, sound designer, set designer, actors, technicians, budget planners, producer, basically everyone besides the box office crew. never mind, i'll learn, i suppose.
tonight will be exciting.

black-and-white picture of her on my wall; i waited for her call; she always kept me waiting

2005-11-03T18:13:00.000+08:00

reverence.
thanks to everybody who made my seventeenth birthday a success: family, CATS [including serene who was "spiritually there" for the dinner], all those people who sent me smses and tagged my board or otherwise just wished me.
anyway, have just bought a brand new batch of fabric paints. quite excited about experimenting with them in new ways. whoohoo if things don't work out for me, like if i don't get my degree or if i fail all my a-levels, i shall be a fashion designer! [thinking about it lah.] already transformed one of the most hated shirts in my closet [a shirt that i have to admit, i bought on a frivolous whim and that represents nothing special or important in my life. a few of my other classmates bought it too by accident when it went for sale in vj, thinking it would form some class identity--i think you should know what shirt i'm talking about anyway] into something fairly revolutionary that showcases my pride to be a tsd-ian. if you don't know what i'm talking about just pass me your shirt and i'll edit it the way i edited mine. this i can do for free.
have realised that i have about two months to study for my two r-papers. excellent. i'm feeling excited about it already. totally.
anyway, blink-182 just released their greatest hits album. i realise that i am far too lazy to get out of my house and go to the nearest music store. i am currently wishing for it to drop in my lap right now so i won't have to move a muscle. sometimes i just annoy myself. anyway, they have my all-time favourite, the rock show, on.
watched my shrek dvds. got me thinking a bit about the group piece.

top five movie soundtracks:
1. spiderman 2
2. moulin rouge
3. love actually
4. the lord of the rings
5. shrek 2

top five art cartoons banned in singapore:
1. happy tree friends
2. south park
3. ren and stimpy
4. cow and chicken [this isn't banned anymore though]
5. the kenji series [can't remember its original name but it was really good.]

top five shows on mtv:
1. whatever things [despite having edison chen on it, it still is rather good]
2. room raiders
3. who wants to be my personal assistant? [or whatever it was?]
4. trl
5. i want a famous face

fellows i meet may tell me i'm sweet

2005-10-31T20:30:00.000+08:00

ahh! a few more hours before i'm seventeen.
actually, seventeen is quite a lousy age, come to think of it. you're still underaged, meaning you can't drink legally, drive, smoke legally, own a credit card, own your own home, live away from your parents or watch an r(a) movie legally. however, you can watch an nc-16 movie legally and have sex legally. same as when you're 16.
duh.
anyway, went to watch thumbelina today with talia, yeek and karmun. ok, cool lighting and puppetry. fantastico. but the puppeteers and lighting designer apparently no-speak-englisho, because they're foreign. karm stayed back to interview them. sorry kar mun! ok, now i feel slightly overwhelmed. like, the puppetry and shading were so good that i'm like, hmm, i feel a bit scared about replicating this. huhh! anyway, we had this very bitchy encounter with one of the artistic directors [oh man i'm still cringing in shock, i never knew anyone could be that catty]. will relate at a better time. then after that ta and yeek started telling karm and i about their toy factory experiences. okay, also very bitchy lah.
then after that had group. makoto's idea of lunch: ridiculously expensive french cafe in newton district that was quite ulu but nice, in a homey, arty-farty sort of way. you know, the kind of cafe with the ataris playing softly in the background [hmm okay a bit odd; like who would associate the ataris with classical music], wireless network etc, potential setting for sure thing!, like a cosy quiet place where writers would sit down with their manuscripts and a cup of coffee. luckily had enough money.
saw tiff again. for once, did not run into her anywhere in the orchard area. have bumped into her a number of times this year, all in the orchard area. this time, was at newton circus. okay, it's still slightly near orchard lah.
there is a large pool of relationship virgins in tsd. i mean among the girls. the RV-club. like seriously. ok, just an observation. no offence.
have decided to rethink my stand about set design. after watching thumbelina today, have decided to do black light for real if karmun's piece scraps [oh, god forbid again]. lights is so fun. but it's quite difficult, yah. will get nice, angelic little juniors to build my set and puppets if i do black light theatre. hope no potential junior reads this and gets scared off.
oh yes, and i have decided to set up a t-shirt printing service for people. for real! ok, advert: FABRIC PAINTS ONLY. I WILL DESIGN, BUT YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE THE DESIGN. $1 FOR EACH SIDE OF SHIRT PRINTED. EXTRA $0.50 FOR EACH COLOUR FROM THE FIRST ONE ONWARDS. for example a shirt printed on both sides with three colours: ($1 x 2) + ($0.50 x 2) = $3. okay? [i hope this works out. whoo! if nobody gives me their shirts to print i'll be very paiseh.]

a puppet's shadow

2005-10-29T19:05:00.000+08:00

i'm at the beginning of something. i always feel like this when i'm depressed, for some weird reason, and today i am bloody depressed.
i guess i know why and i guess it's my own fault. like, hello, did i seriously think that [ok, never mind, let's remain all happy and hunky-dory and pretend nothing's happening, all right?] some things are just not meant to be, baby.
i'm depressed but i'll get over it, once monday comes.
because on monday i'll be watching thumbelina and interviewing professional argentinian lighting designer [check] and having group, so i may be able to distract myself.
i want to explore this black core of depression. i really think that today was the last straw. haha. no redeeming factor whatsoever. this could get interesting. some people say depression is due to pms [the original meaning of pms, not the term that secondary school students coined], but i don't believe in pms. i think hormones are very clinically scientific, and not full of grey areas like the psychologists and gynaecologists make them out to be. people just made up pms because they couldn't attribute it to anything scientific. it's a little groundless, i suppose. just like endorphins. like hello, you can get high but maybe it's just a psychological trick on the too-gullible human mind.
well, i suppose a small part of the depression is due to the fact that i'm the only one in vj who has two r-papers. most people have two s-papers. HAHA the irony. but that's again, my fault for chionging econs with six days to go, and focusing too much on integration. i'm content of not blaming anyone else and dragging them down with me, because it always ends up in a big mess.
i realise i'm actually more depressed than i look. i couldn't even be bothered to look at my hair in the mirror this morning.
found out offhand about the toy factory attachment today. as usual, i didn't receive the message. now it's not the fault of the people in the relay above me, but i realise every time thay pass down messages about lit i rarely get them, because both junyi and josey don't take lit, and it would be mean to expect them to pass me the message when they have nothing to do with it. very occasionally i don't get tsd messages too, like this instance. hmm. maybe wouldn't have minded going, but if the teachers are going to treat it as like a serious "oh everyone is apathetic and distinterested" kind of issue, then i think it's best i didn't go. like hello, so many people didn't get the freaking message! hah. sometimes the teachers need to check the relay system before they lecture about attitude.
huh, please don't sue me, because i'm depressed and migrainic and feverish and barely aware of what i'm saying and waiting for 7.55 pm to come. right now they're interviewing some guy about the north london derby. i wish they would just hurry up.
i love my friends. went to esplanade today with sam, steph and cheryl and lifted a bit of the depression off my back, but not entirely. feel bad about dropping out of the spell #7 thing. yishan called me up and gave me a gentle lecture on being irresponsible. i really feel bad about that. seriously, lah. decided that if karmun's ds is scrapped [oh, god forbid] i would do set design in the end. i would do tennessee williams. i would not do chekhov because some of his sets are like film scripts: panning here and there. i have set my mind on realistic theatre if things don't work out.
rina asked me to go for some survey thing where they would pay me $40 to taste coffee. unfortunately, it's on the same date as the OP. so loser. hahaha.

castrate everybody

2005-10-28T20:54:00.000+08:00

according to siying, i seem a different person among the tsd people than in pw. and i guess that's true. i'm not going to say how stupid pw is anymore, because it's kind of old.
cut gels with L.U.M.O.S. peeps today and condemmed some lights in the ava. HAHA. haven't rigged lights though, because supposedly strong man rowell didn't turn up to help set up the scaffold [kai was beside herself as usual because he didn't answer his phone, and it thereby spouted a constant stream of man-bashing from the mostly anti-guy, female members of L.U.M.O.S.]. oh by the way, i love the word lumos. it's latin for light. go read harry potter. :D

top ten bitchy things that men [boys] have said the whole year, some to other people besides myself, with commentary by me:
1. "wahlao, so simple question you also dunno how to do? wahlao, primary school standard lah dey!" [this, is frigging unforgivable. it is top of my list and will top any list of top ten or top hundred bitchy comments made by men.]
2. "what are you going to do for your is next year? a ds ah?" [okay, like SHUT UP. you know i can't act or do movement, whatever, so go away. you're not much either.]
3. "wahlao ah... you all ah... badass attitude, man." [this was just funny. plain funny.]
4. "i don't like the *-language so stop speaking it, ok?" [woah, you thought you owned the world.]
5. "i don't care you boy or girl, you gerrout of my class. you seriously need to think abouRit." [HA, with a capital H.]
6. "SALAD SAI, AH SALAD SAI!!!!!" [now this is super bitchy. thank goodness no one but a tiny handful of people know who salad sai is and who said this.]
7. "you didn't get it ah... heh heh... you sad or not?" [argh! he freaking made her cry! i told the bugger to fuck off, but i don't think he heard!]
8. "what obnoxious? i'm the least obnoxious out of all of you all!" [i woke up laughing when i dreamt of this.]
9. "shh! you're disturbing the soccer guys!" [and i was having a duo slot. what's more important, that you get your sleep or that i get an A for my duo?]
10. "why you want to bully talia? you want to fight, issit?" [like look here, i'm not sure talia even likes you, so just shut up and be a man. honestly, i don't even think she remembers this episode.]

i realise that i am extremely anti-guy, beyond the point of return.
huh.
oh yes, free ds idea below, for anyone thinking of a ds but without an idea!

borderline feminist

2005-10-27T20:38:00.000+08:00

i'll be sweet seventeen in a few days. these are the things i want: a two-door car and a driving licence. HAHAHA. and end to misogyny around the world: only an end to misogyny and the establishment of women's superiority between the sexes would guarantee world peace. well, maybe not.
siying, you wanted this:
i'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair
someone was super bitchy in school today. well,there's no need to gloat in someone else's face when you've got what you wanted that the other person didn't. so disgusting.
meanwhile, i just had a super idea for a ds. now that's really sad, because it's mostly a guy as the main character, and also because i can't do a ds anyway. and it involves a lot of movement and stuff. *snap snap* lights sound action!
anyway, i'm just going to share it here, just in case any tsd guy or wannabe future 06 male junior is thinking of doing a ds. actually i don't see why a girl can't do the minor part but whatever.
essentially it's an extract from this greek myth i saw in this local author's novel about feminism. you can read a bit about it in ovid's metamorphoses, i suppose. can't remember which book. in the story, the greek goddess cybele [aha, female character!] manages to conceive a son, attis, with zeus. anyway, cybele soon falls in love with attis [yuck, incest again, again and again] but attis doesn't reciprocate, see, he likes another girl. cybele drives him mad with her jealousy and in defiance to her he performs a sacrifice: he emasculates himself. [go look that up if you don't get what it means.]
so the ds would revolve around attis' sacrifice. very simple, see, that's why the main character is a guy. and there are borderline themes on feminism. it's so crude, but it'll be cool as a ds, come on. would somebody please take my idea? i suppose it's quite flexible as a performance piece, but i'm thinking mainly a movement thing, with emphasis on costume and hmm, lights or masks. and if you're a girl and want to do a ds but you're not sure of an idea, please consider this. you could get some junior to act as the guy. serious. and you could have your very own chorus and everything.
please consider this ds idea! [i would love to do it myself but i don't know anything about movement and making costumes. and i have a feeling it's too late to figure out. i'm also lazy to make a costume.]
ok, sidetracking. mrs low said i could interview act 3's lighting designer if i contact the stage manager and go for the thumbelina concert. like whahaha how cool is that, talking to the lighting designer. but hmm, maybe taking notes is enough, because i generally don't know how to interview people. i find it kind of rude, firing questions at someone. like who would entertain this nosey parker jc kid.
oh yes. what was i going to say? that i'm going to fail OP. i keep forgetting my points.

slam slam slam pw

2005-10-25T21:33:00.000+08:00

i changed skill again! haha i'm no longer doing set design anymore. instead, i have now officially teamed up with sum kar mun, fellow primary school mischief-maker, monkey brain idea-person and p6 level camp group mate [tada! sitting on the bridge] to be...
the lighting designer for her ds.
meaning i'll be the first person in 200045875 years in tsd to ever do a lights is.
[inserted in time for dramatic, awed pause]
on the one hand, i'm a bit sad about leaving set design, something i wanted to try my hand at, but on the other, if you think of it, quite cool yah, being a lighting designer? i've never really considered the abstract concepts of lighting before though.
spent the morning in the clinic, talking with the teachers about the black light theatre of prague [sounds damn cheem eh, just found some stuff online] and the concept of using uv lights and uv paint. blast, means i'll have to shop for uv paint sooner or later, and it certainly is not stocked in orchard point, which by the way, is a boutique. anyway, the school is upgrading equipment. yay, new fresnels, new lighting board for night! haha.
and also, i now officially [as of today], have a frigging cca!
actually, it's not really a cca. it's some cobbled-together junk shit that i roped nicola into as well last minute, because she's another person without a cca. it's really ultra-retarded but quite exciting.
it's called the tsd-appreciation programme! lame lame lame. and there's some talk about starting an arts organisation in vj. what a wonderful thought: selling the lifestyle of arts and reaching out to the artistically-handicapped [ahem, people who are not inclined to like arts stuff].
basically, our new trashy cca involves us going around to feeder schools of vj and going, "hello, mind us talking about tsd to your sec fours?"
lofty said it was a wonderful idea. so much for it being last minute, haha.
today is one of my happier days: i have a skill and a cca.
oh yes, on top of today, i had stupid pw. slept a while in the library comp lab. freaksoh had a hangover so he ponned pw and siying wanted to kill him. then in the afternoon: gust of wind, heavy rain and the whole school is flooded. i am standing outside the bookshop in the shelter, ankle-deep in water, wading across the driveway to the grand piano. treehouse is creaking in the gale. i continue sloshing, towards tsd room, towards library. soccer and hockey tables are slightly submerged.

but i will stand up to the pain; wake up and fight again

2005-10-23T21:49:00.000+08:00

all the world's a stage,
and all the men and women merely players:
they have their exits and entrances;
and one man in his time plays many parts,
his acts being seven ages.
-william shakespeare, as you like it

i like that verse. gives me a bit to think about.
well anyway, moving on to my pet project: the tsd individual skill! haha. actually, feeling quite bahh about it at the moment. borrowed two dvds from the little clinic: ibsen's a doll's house and miller's death of a salesman. talk about being realistic. ha, also have chekhov's the seagull and the all time favourite, the glass menagerie on the list! feel like staying home tomorrow and watching everything and taking notes and stuff, but i can't because tomorrow there's frigging project work. somehow, i found out that other classes (a52, namely) don't have to go back for pw, but oh no, the whole of poor a55 has to. damn bloody nuisance. i shall be emo and complain a while about why our class is always so unfortunate. well, (cynical laughter) we do have the (smirk) class chalet to look forward to, am i right?
anyway, group is getting quite interesting. we have a cool name and a few tiny ideas. managed to keep myself from going nuts in the taka basement for once today. as a matter of fact only spent five dollars on food. yayee. then we sat around for a while and talked about some things not related to group. found out about the recent scandal from my more well-informed groupies (yeah, yeah, speculate all you want, teachers, because i seriously don't think anything's going to come out of it. to tell the truth, the teachers have been reading too many blogs), and found some lovely design things in kinokuniya.
i swear, when looking at the anne geddes photographs of the pink-cheeked, innocent, sleeping babies, you won't think that any of them would grow up to be a terrorist. ok, i'm not saying anything about the photography, but just this thought: what if that cute baby who posed for the photo several decades ago is now a hard-hitting terrorist who bombs australian hangouts? it's like really weird.
and then somehow we got started on the theory that we are incarnations of our tsd seniors, based on personality traits, etc. presented quite a few ha-ha-has. bob=sunil, makoto=zhanhui and me=_______ [something i remembered someone saying], actually, i'm not that bitchy. i may be bitchy in my own quirky little way but i'm not that outrightly diva-ish. for one thing, i actually tend to under-run pieces and i'll really thank my crew for helping me, if i do have a crew next year. and don't anyone dare say i'm purposely out to slime someone, because i am just happening to talk about something that happened during group, ok? fine, pretend this paragraph never existed.
oh yes, and on one last note: i am quite upset about something. when normal people kick soccer balls, they actually connect their feet with the ball, not deliberately pass their feet over the ball in some uncomprehensible dumbass manner that nobody can anticipate and that accounts to nothing. especially when the ball is stationary. it's fucking stupid. now excuse me.

ghost of you--my chemical romance

2005-10-20T21:01:00.000+08:00

I'M PROMOTED TO YEAR 2!!!!!
haha. tsd did the trick. omg i love greeks so bloody much. never would have imagined it when i first joined tsd. yay! now i don't have to be retained. now i have OOC. [which incidentally, stands for "out of character"]
and my braces are off. finally. i look like the great white shark.
on a sadder note, i haven't thought of anything to say during my is talk with the teachers tomorrow. i've already thought of a skill, but there's nothing much to discuss, i suppose. whoops.
and pw is finally over. after all those long friday afternoons sitting in the stupid classroom, listening to the pw teacher's trumpet-like voice blaring from his small speaker of a mouth [oh god shit i hope he doesn't find this], it's over. that day we were rushing the fifth draft of the written report was the best, with completely no lessons, everyone stoning in the library lab for the whole day, watching meredith slowly dropping off to sleep from lack of coffee, jolene struggling for words in the darned proposal, tim drooling and swearing at microsoft and emitting odd, random noises from his mouth, and finally dearest siying running around encouraging everyone and telling us not to fall asleep and drawing out table after table on ms word. it's like an absurd collective group piece. hey, i never liked pw, but i like all you people who all worked together to form this 2931-word thing. yayee.
conversation of the week:
jy: ^&(^#!^$#&@!! [fighting with cheryl]
me: you want to rape cheryl is it?
jy: WALAO EH...!! CANNOT AH?!
no, of course, junyi, you can't rape cheryl. you're biologically handicapped, remember? i relieved you of your ahem, "man"-hood somewhere in the beginning of the year with a pair of scissors. anyway, cheryl won't like it. she'll kill you.
anyway, it's moving on to tsd group stuff now. haha. actually, not particularly excited about the damned prospect of acting. i hate, just bloody hate acting. otherwise, it should be smooth sailing.
and the weekend is coming. how cool is that. i realise the mood of this entry is extremely different from that of the previous one, where i was all emo and scared. hey, but i'm emotionally stable, according to the 16pf thing. haha, hope mrs low knows this, then she won't hold any discussions with me about my mental health again.
haha. today i'm in a fairly good mood. let me talk about "ghost of you" by my chemical romance. their music video is just effing cool shit. it even made me feel sad at the end, something that is extremely rare, because i'm as cold as a rock. oh man it's just fantastic. if you don't have the song or the vid go and watch or download. arghh!!! so lovely. [i think the vid moved me more than the song did.]

the coca-cola championship

2005-10-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

basically, they call it the championship but it's on the lower tier. how ironic and loserish.
so this is what i have managed to scrape up: three o-level passes in three subjects. excellent. almost didn't come home today, then changed my mind at the last minute when i wondered how parents would react.
now, if i get retained, i'm going to do three subs. perhaps i'll keep literature and tsd and drop maths for erm, art or something. econs is definitely going.
but hopefully i can get to go to year 2, and not end up crewing for the cats next year.
tsd had better save me. i can't imagine failing it, but nothing is impossible, believe me.
back by popular demand, if you want to read it:
the love story that i wrote about four or so posts ago
and if you still want to guess i'm open.

murphy's law

2005-10-14T20:54:00.000+08:00

states that anything that can go wrong, will. you know, sort of how you go, i don't need to take this bus today, when there are three lining up at the bus stop. and when you need to take the bus, you have to wait for three hours before some broken-down, non-aircon model comes slowly chugging along, coughing and spewing out thick clouds of black smoke. and also like, i hate this person, i hope he doesn't become my project partner. and he does. BINGO. bullseye. bad luck? no. just a victim of murphy's law. i'm just saying hypothetically, any reference to real situations or circumstances are purely coincidental, like what they always say in fiction books.
today we had the j2 farewell assembly. you know what, i think that even though a lot of thought had been put into the programme, it was just sadly boring and not very poignant at all. hey, at least during the guides sec 4 farewell everybody cried as well as laughed. ya know, emotions in the extreme. but this one i was just like huh. ok, i'm trying to laugh. now i'm going back to sleep. sorry organisers, but this year, man, your programme sucked real bad. the only good part was the guy singing solo at the end. but the guy singing in the band ah... oh no, he really couldn't make it. it was really really a very sad attempt to prove vj's competence in rockstar-style singing. i hope no year twos will read this and say, "oh no, this junior has such a badass attitude!"
open house tomorrow. i know none of my juniors will be reading this as they don't have my blog address, so i won't bother to advertise. but all the same, come join tsd anyway if you are my junior and if you are reading this. actually not very excited. thinking about all the different people who will come running up to me to ask for gels and fresnels. i have nothing against them but it's very tiring, having to take stock and blah blah blah. but weirdly i like being a lights i/c because i understand the console and it understands me. ah. hmm. and maybe, if i'm free, i'm going to find out a way to climb onto the roof over the driveway, like when they danced mass dances up there during last year's open house. i'm thinking it'll be a good way for anyone to commit suicide, so maybe that's why they never let anyone up there in the first place.
you know, back to something else. project work written report is finally done. whooyay! now can go celebrate.
i was just wondering, coincidentally, yes, how come the tsd teachers know so much about us, even who is secretly in love with who and who secretly hates who. they even know of people's other halves outside of tsd. please lah, even our parents don't know so much. i mean like how can they tell; if i feel strongly towards someone in a positive or negative way i won't go around letting the teachers know. and i don't believe anyone is traitorous enough to be an informer. duh. it's so scary. next time if i'm a senior and i'm brave enough and old enough to escape punishment i shall ask them.

van der vaart

2005-10-11T22:53:00.000+08:00

what a cool player. whoo. such skill. dribble dribble turnaround dribble shoot WHAM! score celebrate! even though he is a male, he has earned a bit of my respect because of his talent. damn cool. (i'm just applauding his abilities, for all we know off the pitch he might be totally different. you know what i mean.) he is however, not my favourite footballer, because i haven't got a favourite footballer.
it's very annoying when this song gets stuck in your head and drives you crazy for the rest of the day, especially if you don't really like the song anyway. most of the time i just have to go and download it if it gets stuck in there too long. sometimes it's very inconvenient. for instance, during the maths promo paper, i kept hearing "is everybody going crazy? is anybody gonna save me? tell me what's going on, tell me what's going on, if you open your eyes, you'll see that something is wrong." so much so that i couldn't concentrate at all. it's very hard to do your sums and stuff when there's this group of punks blaring their music in a miniature garage in your brain.
let me relate something that disturbed me a little over the weekend. ok, this is beginning to sound very stupid. see, i stumbled upon the blog of somebody whom i didn't know had a blog. well, obviously i wanted to see if he was bitching about anyone i knew, so i clicked on the link. it was very upsetting, not because of the content of the blog: i woke up, went to school for promos blahblahblah, harmless enough, but because he was using this template that was frigging gay. now it's freaky and i have to admit that i had always been freaked out by his quirky little ways since january, but come on! those angels in the background were just damn gay. now, that's quite enough. i don't mean to bitch about him because he hasn't done anything mean, but it's just so strange, right? like this person you think is something but it's actually something else. you see what i mean? ugh. forget it. not making sense. if you want to see the blog (and the template) go find it. it's quite simple to find. [eh, i have nothing against this person! nothing at all to declare!]
recently i'm getting addicted to mtv. for some reason i just can't stop watching all their trashy shows, despite i know that they rot my brain. like the show about travis barker, the ex-blink182 drummer. the part where he had to get a manicure i almost died laughing. ok, stupid. i suppose it's an in thing now for guys to get manicures. whatever. and then the usual happy tree friends series, etc etc. shit, i'm really hooked. i must have watched all the htf cartoons already. and some time ago there was this super trashy one where they got people to do stupid things for money like sit under a tree naked and covered with nuts and having thousands of monkeys released on them. lame shit. and this guy who stuck his head up an elephant's you-know-what for US$10 and had to be rushed to the hospital after that when the poor elephant had diarrhoea.
i'm suddenly feeling very sad. i don't want to go to school on thursday and do project work. like come on, that is how loser lah. i like my group because everybody's very happy and everybody hates project work, so we always enjoy ourselves by taking videoclips and talking about underwear (in meredith's case). oh but seriously. who the hell gives a shit about pw. it's so upsetting. i think pao's blog said the same thing. basically, screw pw into orbit. i want to stay at home and watch mtv.

goal

2005-10-08T18:48:00.000+08:00

this is unbelievable. "goal", as in the movie, struck me as a sappy, feel-good, cry-into-your-tissue-when-he-scores kind of movie. but now that i've seen the full 10-minute trailer, i'm like hey, this looks cool. which leads to another horrendous blow: i'm actually falling hard for a sappy film with a predictable ending. it's kind of weird, really, because i don't normally like sappy productions. but now i terribly want to watch it. goal, essentially, is a 100% chick flick. and sadly, it looks much better than bend it like beckham. from the way they play in the trailer, i won't be surprised if the premiership trophy leaves stamford bridge for st james' park this season.
HAHAHAHAH. my ass.
well, congratulations to serene and pao, who have more or less read my thoughts concerning the previous entry. i promise that i'll never write so explicitly again about such innocent people and display it in public, anyway. or maybe i will. it keeps the laughs going.
well, anyway, my computer is back up and working again. yay. though i still can't access certain things though, like msn.
i suddenly remembered something. really, just a momentary thought. of how i was at the moe language centre for the last time in sec 2, and how kevin-the-nerd confessed to cath that he liked her, and mich confessing to junshen-the-alien and going all the way to bukit timah road to see him in his school. it seems so long ago, when that min was secretly in love with kelvin, and so on. i really wonder what happened to all of them (as in the girls) now that we're not in touch. and that weird boy who secretly pined for that pretty girl (i think her name was stefanie) from crescent.
let me talk about one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life. it was really bad, and it happened after pc on thursday. i went to the theatreworks ceremony (to grace the occasion, as said in the letter, hah). when i got to the auditorium there were three blocks of audiences. the first block consisted entirely of these raffles guys, both ri and rj, resplendent in their white uniforms. ok. so in the second block sat the hwa chong family, this knot of people wearing beige and here and there a few boys from the now-defunct THE chinese high school, in their characteristically tight khaki shorts. well, obviously i couldn't sit there either.
then the third block was full of these, ahem, avant-gardists from this polytechnic with their floaty, abstract clothes, detached mannerisms and bohemian flip-flops. very few, only about ten or so. and they were all giving me weird looks because i didn't look fit to sit in any of the blocks. so i just stood there, watching the performance, and finally i was kindly guided to a seat among the avant-gardists. sticking out like a damn sore thumb in the absurd vj uniform.
well, the performance itself was certainly eye-opening. there was this lady actress who played all the roles of the different scripts very well. such a natural. later they served finger-sized tuna sandwiches. when i say finger sized, i really mean each sandwich was the size of a finger. then i went home on the 13 after that.
oh yes, and promos are over now. hooray.

we're accidentally in love, accidentally in love

2005-10-03T23:05:00.000+08:00

it was sweet, watching them today. the casual way they flirted, his self-assured fingers playing with her silky hair, her smile of indulgence in his direction. they were obviously made for each other. the radiance in her fair face was apparent, and even he, with his less-than-average looks, seemed almost passably humanoid in his trance of love. they joked and laughed with ease, and even after i finally turned away, i could still hear the excited, teasing voices. i could almost imagine them in the very physical act of love, his coarse, suntanned flesh sliding over her creamy white skin, his rough lips cherishing hers, his lean, angular form meshed against her sensually voluptuous one, their happiness magnified hundredfold by the coveted union of their bodies. mirrors of each other, matching each other in appetite and wits, the virile ridge of his masculinity pitted against her flowering womanhood. every moment, they were at it. he shot her secret glances from across the room, and i couldn't help noticing the crackling sexual tension in the surrounding air, despite the fact that i was an outsider, an alien to their not-so-secret romance. every gesture between them seemed gentle and delicate, like a fragile glass ornament, or even the beginnings of a lurid crescendo of desire preparing to hit a surging, raging climax of release. everyone was aware of their connection, save themselves, so immersed they were in their physical and intellectual connections. any moment now, when the rest of us were to turn away, their lips would meet in a furtive, weighted kiss, injected with the rawness and primal vitality of their passion and they would draw away just as quickly at an offhand glance from a random outsider.
oh, gross.
[anyone who can guess what that paragraph was about will earn plenty of pride and dignity.]

look what you've done

2005-09-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

i'm not going to impose my company on her anymore, ever since she backstabbed me. well, i guess i knew it was coming. our friendship had deteriorated to the point of no return. we weren't close anyway, so i don't think she cares very much. so whatever. good riddance. i knew it when she began ignoring me recently. i can't even remember how i became friends with her in the first place. i suppose i thought she was a nice, sweet person when we first met a few years ago. well, she doesn't know i have a blog. HAHA. guess what. the next time i'll be seeing her is when i open up my yearbook a few years from now.
so. i've actually insulted quite a lot of people on this poor little blog. one day i'm bound to get into trouble for it. well, come to think of it, i've already been in trouble once when i wrote this angsty entry about someone because i was having a bad day and that person just happened to make it worse. to think of it, i've actually insulted just over 50% of the world' population, since the other 50% is made up of women. i've also insulted countless souls who have done me wrong at least once: lampshade, lippy etc etc. ok, mr young, if you've somehow found your way here through the insidious network of tsd people's blogs, please leave now, thanks! it's quite sad, really. i remembered once when i promised i wouldn't bitch anymore but broke it the moment lampshade yelled at me in class.
am thinking (vaguely) of moving to diary-x, because blogger is becoming really annoying.
top 10 songs that might sound romantic to straight girls and women:
1. gifts and curses--yellowcard
2. drops of jupiter--train (a personal favourite because of the interesting imagery, but rather mushy on an afterthought)
3. the scientist--coldplay
4. you and me--lifehouse
5. here without you--3 doors down
6. yellow--coldplay
7. let me love you--mario
8. collide--howie day
9. sweetest goodbye--maroon 5
10. i'd do anything--simple plan
ok, treat for all my straight girlfriends: close your eyes and imagine the guy of your dreams singing one of the above songs to you (go ahead, pick a song). this is the mushiest compilation i can think of. in the meantime i shall sit back and look on in mild amusement.
to be very serious (and my straight girlfriends can stop reading from here onwards in order to avoid breaking the perfect fantasy) i would find it very comical to see such a spectacle of a man sitting down and singing his heart out to a woman. clearly, it shows his insecurity, because if he was really honest and trustworthy and genuinely confident, he would not have to resort to such measures to make a woman all tipsy. it could also mean he has ulterior motives, which in that case would make him a marginally smart man, or just a sex addict. well, some women could be taken in, i suppose. but after all, who am i to comment. maybe i'm wrong and the guy really loves the woman or is really very musically gifted, which in this case he should be writing his own unique songs about her instead of singing someone else's.
daily anti-guy rant complete.
oh yes. xinnie, if you're here, i tried to sign your guestbook but nothing happened. so i replied (points at tagboard). yay. eh you and yuckin's birthdays coming up, so happy birthday in advance, both of you. :D
on overall, i can only hope that i'm dreaming right now, and things will be normal and perhaps better when i wake up.

something's wrong

2005-09-30T22:19:00.000+08:00

it's obvious, isn't it?

left behind

2005-09-26T18:52:00.000+08:00

there's this annoying little girl in my estate. every sunday she trains at the courts. her older brother's a better tennis player. but anyway. that's beside the point. her father is the coach. so yesterday he made her rally with him during their training session. every time she lost a point or drove into the net, she would jump up and down and occasionally throw her racket away from her angrily. so i was like okay. chill. but of course i didn't say that out loud. then there was this point, where she missed her father's return. it landed just within the area, and she immediately shrieked, "OUT BALL!" so in the end she lost. and then she hurled her racket at the fence around the court. whew. temper temper.
speaking of sports, the weekend was so full of shitty soccer matches. like seriously. i do applaud the guy who scored at the bridge though. only to have his team's hopes dampened later in the game. otherwise, boring. west ham-arsenal and man u-blackburn were just a teensy bit on the boring side. huh. huh huh. you might think i would be happy to see man u losing. but the truth is i can't be bothered because everything has become so boring. like, for goodness' sake, open up those defences and beef up those attacks. stop camping out in your own half for ninety minutes. damn. don't make me pissed. i can imagine myself outside FIFA hq, holding a cardboard protest sign, with a black-and-white satellite tv on the torn blanket i'm standing on, wearing a holey orange jersey, sporting a badly styled van basten haircut and reeking of stale heineken.
have been playing mario for the past few hours. shit, i don't have a life. the only thing worse than studying is the cult of the partriachy or the partriachial society. i am against the idea of a partriachial society as much as karl marx loved the concept of capitalism. but anyway everyone knows this already. *pumps fist in air* ladies, divorce your good-for-nothing husbands now! i wonder what all the men in the world would do if all the women in the world turned lesbian. they would probably all turn gay. so loserish. let's all aim for the cult of the martriachy, girls. it doesn't mean you have to be a lesbian, but it means letting your baby have your surname, not your husband's, while still legally married. and it means earning more than your male counterparts at the same jobs you hold.
oh yes and i forgot to mention. i wasn't the last one to hand in my is skillsheet. i bet the teachers will have a good laugh when they read mine. HAHA. whatever. glad to be of entertainment.
suddenly have this extreme sense of isolation. whatever, am not trying to be poetic or airy-fairy, but it's true. my ears plugged into some music-generating device, holed up studying, playing mario on occasion. a peerless, love-void existence. i can picture myself dying in this lonely way, in a small, dark and dingy apartment, surrounded by my pills, cartoon manuscripts, cyan-blue pilot ink pens and poker cards littered everywhere. an overturned mug of chilled, sticky milo pooling around my head like blood, the stink of my decomposing body as my components are slowly oxidised, the neighbours walking around in gas masks and the forensic autopsy reading: "death by natural causes".
you know what, i think i have an overactive imagination.
but then again, who cares if i die poor and like this. so what if i don't have any siblings or relations to come in and cart my body away for an extravagant funeral. honestly, who gives a bloody fuck.

evanescent

2005-09-24T12:43:00.000+08:00

i have nothing to say to anyone; thus nobody has anything to say to me.

goo

2005-09-21T23:01:00.000+08:00

at the start of the year, i remember hilda and i were very excited about becoming ogls. now when i think back on it, i feel quite dumb and really ashamed of my past enthusiasm, because i realise i would have to put up a convincing act of being in love with vj. and i'm not good at acting, remember? in my current state of mind, i'm beginning to count the days until i can walk out of vj. it's almost becoming unbearable, all this uncalled-for stress of promos. it's simple enough to get promoted, but now we're all mugging as if we're aiming for 3 s-papers.
we are losers. LOSERS. my goodness. most of us don't even want to take s-papers. we're so caught up in mugging that we miss the big picture: that 50 years down the road, this spot of intensive mugging for a six-letter word, promos, is going to seem like a joke. after all, you can just marry someone rich and forget about education for the rest of your life. but then again, vj is a mugger school, so you won't expect everyone to look to the long-term. ok, i'm being nonsensical again, but it's true.
huh, i'm not going to whine anymore, because i think i'm becoming a serial whiner. and i think i've recently started becoming a teensy bit cynical about everything. i've developed the innate sense of ironic humour that i never knew i possessed.
the ten books that i would rush to save if my house were on fire and i had only enough time to save these:
1. the 2004 st. nix yearbook, with our class photo and coh photo, the only one of all of us together
2. the odessey by homer, about odesseus the greek hero. don't ask me why, i just find this book really riveting in a childlike sense, the same fascination when you read a fairy tale. also it's worth marvelling about why athene loved him.
3. harper lee's to kill a mockingbird, because i love the ending
4. catherine lim's the bondmaid
5. the harry potter book, because it was so freaking expensive
6. pygmalion by george bernard shaw
7. the r(21) book about julius caesar and cornelia, the modern version. goodness i love this book. it has plenty of graphic sex scenes and a lot of historical value. by the way, caesar was 14 and cornelia was 17 when they married.
8. the glass menagerie by tennessee williams
9. marcel amye's the wonderful farm, the english version
10. any book by roald dahl
today i unintentionally forgot to go for gp, when i was busily playing computer games and lost track of time. anyway, the freecell on the tsd laptop has stopped working. so i played pinball instead. haha. supposed to use the time to study, but look what happened.
tomorrow we have pe. i hope we don't get that annoying pe teacher again, the one who ran beside me and said, "you fail 2.4 because it's all in your mind!" yeah, yeah. it's so easy for her to say. no need to rub it in. damn. hope she gives up on me, then i won't have to listen to her nagging.
was listening to this song by our lady peace just now, and i realise that they sound like system of a down. just in that song lah. SHIT. no.

to all the girls

2005-09-18T19:39:00.000+08:00

ok, i have decided. i shall dedicate this entry to my female readers. it's going to be fraught with anti-guy-ism, so unless you are a guy learning the art of anti-guy-ism because he has lost faith in his own gender or you are just a masochistic, nosy bastard, then i will suggest, very politely, that you leave. then again, not many people come to this blog so i'm quite safe. i wouldn't want to be like that sarong party girl character, famous for the wrong reasons.
anyway. these are the things that you should take note of.

1. you should never ever ask your boyfriend to carry your handbag for you. this is because most girls look pretty accessorising their handbags with their clothes, and also because it gives the impression that you cannot carry your handbag yourself because you are too weak, etc. the only permissable reasons for letting your boyfriend carry your handbag are if you want to take revenge on him for any reason by making him look stupid, or if he is on a dare. actually, most men don't need to carry handbags to look stupid.

2. you should never, under any circumstances, hit a guy in public unless he has molested you knowingly. hitting him will just embarrass you, not make you look all kickass like zhang "the soup is too salty" ziyi or lucy "i'm gonna kick your ass" liu. if you really cannot control your anger, try limiting yourself to a few minutes of eye rolling or deliberately dragging him around to boring cosmetic shops. wait until you're in private, then you can whip that meat cleaver out of your triumph knickers.

3. if you happen to ask your guy friend a question about something he specialises in, such as how to calculate the magnitude of a vector or how to get the sound console working, be prepared to thank him graciously when he helps. if however, he sneers at you or says something like, "so easy, you cannot do meh?" or " wahlao, i don't know lah!" in an irritated tone of voice, then you are fully licenced to give him a tight slap across the face. you may add a few more slaps, depending on how much he complains. if in doubt, slap him until he faints. if you don't want to dirty your hands, pour concentrated sulphuric acid on his face instead. bleach or mama lemon will suffice too.

4. if you do not understand what he is saying, he is probably criticising you in neanderthal language, the language that the cavemen and apes once conversed in. it is his native tongue. just try to understand that. unless of course, if you know him to be a very nice person, then you could give him the benefit of the doubt and continue being friends with him. the neanderthal language encompasses a lot of unneccessary physical action too, such as throwing back of the head, making rude hand signals and putting up of feet like trishaw riders. in other words, showing off. if this annoys you, roll your eyes and ignore it. most men know the neanderthal language though, so you might want to look out.

5. never ask your guy friend to do something you cannot do yourself, such as bringing plates of food to the table, shelling prawns or doing the laundry. the worst excuse is because you're tired and don't want to dirty your hands. this is the core of the commandments of feminism. it makes you look like an imbecile. it gives the guy a chance to show off and display his pathetic talents. just do it yourself, for christ's sake. spare everyone that simpering idiocy. girls are self-sufficient.

6. if you really hate men, don't be afraid to declare it. for laughs, walk up to one of those cowardly types and threaten to cut off his masculinity with a scissors. you see, even if a woman is raped, she can go on producing children. but if a man is castrated, he cannot ever produce kids, much less enjoy himelf.

7. remember, above all: whatever guys can do, girls can do better. like rugby--invented by men, perfected by women.

yay. super anti-guy entry. blogging about anti-guy-ism makes me happy. just a note: i'm not referring to anybody in particular, so don't get too upset if you see some of the traits here belonging to you or someone you know.
that's all. anyway, panadol can work wonders, does anybody know that?

wandering the streets and searching for a place to die

2005-09-14T20:59:00.000+08:00

has anybody heard the song "give it up" by midtown? hmm... don't think it made any of the perfect 10 charts. it's quite an angsty song.
anyway, congrats to everyone who did well for duos.
nicola darling don't be sad yea? and i'll tell you how to pass that chaucer essay. step one: pon all tutorials, it's not worth it. step two: download translations asap and try to remember as much of the story if possible. and try to know what each character's personality is like. step three: read mr james ho's lecture notes.
let me just mention again here that i absolutely hate acting. i think i've said this more than once, but you know what, i hate it so much that i think next year during group pieces, i'll drag down my entire group by my bad acting. let me just apologise to my potential group members in advance. it's boring. you're not creative; you're just a follower, and i resent being told what to do, what to wear, how to stand, where to look, etc. i'd rather boss somebody around. like, hey you, get my coffee for me now!
i am starting to think that (haha, this sounds so emo) i am one of the rare few talentless bums in tsd. i'm being realistic here. in my nine months or so here in dis-illusionville, i have yet to see anything above a C. no essays, no presentations or performances, you name it. i have a feeling that when i tell the teachers eventually what skill i'm specialising in, they will just laugh in my face or give me shifty looks and go, "are you sure? do you need psychiatric help? can we refer you? maybe you need to lie down on that flowery sofa first while we call your parents." then i'll be strapped in a straitjacket.
HAHAHAHAHA. tell you what, i'll do a ds. i'm going to tell them that tomorrow. an acting ds. haha, their faces would be priceless. "mrs low, mr lofthouse, i'm going to do an acting DS!!!" yes, that's what i'll do. i could wave some pom-poms around for good measure. and maybe they might take me seriously and let me carry on.
this reminds me of what one particularly bitchy tsd senior said once. the senior asked, "what skill are you thinking of doing?" then added in a bitchy voice, "ds ah?" while rolling motions of the eyes took place. yah yah i'm sure. the senior clearly didn't think much of me. damn gross. haha. it's quite ironic.
honestly, choosing an IS is like choosing your own name or religion. if you get it wrong you might eff yourself up badly. but, who cares lah, yah?
ok, time to stop being emo. let me talk about something happy.
today sulas suggested pouring hot water on sluggy the slug that we caught to moisturise it and prevent dehydration. what am i saying, this is so not a happy event. but anyway, a few drops of boiling water later, sluggy ceased to move entirely. poor sluggy. i think it died. looks like salt wasn't the killer; plain water was.
anyway, i cleared my room of all the unwanted stuff just now. quite pleased. gone are all the guides test notes and papers (though i did retain the postcards from becky and the senior-junior angel-mortal stuff: mostly blank pieces of paper where li scribbled, hello angel, i'm bored), crappy cracked cd covers and patrick vieira posters. now my room is clean and free of disgusting material. i am so elated.

internal collapse

2005-09-12T20:29:00.000+08:00

defeated.
defeated.
defeated defeated defeated defeated defeated defeated.
no. no. how could this happen to me?
this is internal collapse, i tell you.
serene is back from china. yo yo yo fellow tsd pal! *makes some act seh gesture* thanks for the belt yea. HAHA. welcome back to a55.
anyway, today i was talking to sam and tim during gp. as usual, sam was chattering away, this time about the differences between more chinese-y and americanised people. so we agreed that steph and sam were more americanised, serene and cheryl more of a healthy mix of both worlds, and that tim was a cowboy. ya know, those men in western movies who shoot at red indians with guns from behind wagons and get excited watching them die. cowboys, coincidentally, also wear tight clothes and bandannas and hats. sometimes they carry whips, but their whips are for spurring horses, not for spanking people.
then i was declared "african-american". for a while, i had a fleeting vision of myself dressed in an adidas jacket like missy elliott and baggy pants and huge beyonce sunglasses and a backwards baseball cap like nelly, and bending down and flashing the peace sign at a low-level camera, with my gold and diamond blings swinging, rapping energetically to some catchy beat in the background while sexy shorties and hot homies danced around behind me, slickly shaking their butts to my shit.
that's just in the mtv i suppose. and flashing, colourful lights in the background too.
so anyway i started pondering why i was african-americanised, and it turns out that according to tim, punk and goth styles have roots in african-american culture.
oh, i didn't know that. but you should have heard the way sam was laughing in that pao-ey way when he said "african-american".
today lee bee moey blew her top again when she heard us talking in her class. well, we were discussing the essay she just handed back to us. she practically exploded her bulb out of her lampshade. power failure. i swear, smoke was almost coming out of her ears. then she roared, "the five of you are not to sit together EVER AGAIN! separate yourselves NOW!!"
duh. she has issues, man. she really hates a55 so much.
so i isolated myself at the back of the room and did pw. so fruitful.
anyway, this morning i caught the ultra-late bus. reached st. pat's at 7.42. then i discoverd something cool. the councillor in charge of the side gate, whom i suspect is *h* ***g (ooh, try guessing, i gave you two clues) had forgotten to lock it. so i strolled slowly to the parade square, and loser of losers, assembly had not even started and it was like 7.50.
cool.
i suddenly thought of a very appropriate song for bush after hurricane ~~kenneth~~ katrina hit. sum-41's "we're all to blame". ok. just a passing thought. go listen to it.
and an appropriate song for cheryl, i just remembered. for her boyfriend to sing to her (to the tune of eidelweiss): cheryl cai, cheryl cai, every morning you greet me. small and white, clean and bright, you look happy to meet me. blossom of snow may you bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever! eidelweiss (x2) bless my homeland forever. oh shit she's going to kill me.

what if.

2005-09-08T21:01:00.000+08:00

i shall not use the cliched phrase: "i hate studying".
instead, i shall talk about jawbreaker, this chick flick starring pre-charmed rose mcgowan. think american high school. think clique of four or five super bitchy girls. think freak accident. then think one girl leaving the clique after a huge fallout with the rest because she can't stand the leader's bitchiness and going out with mr-i-so-want-to-slap-his-disgusting-face. think blackmail and new addition of slut unit to the clique after that girl (no doubt, the prettiest in the clique) leaves. HAHAHA. shit hilarious. it would be rather politically incorrect to say it helps me destress, but it's only once in a blue moon you get to witness humourous bitching on tv. most of the time, bitchiness on tv is put in a bad and generally unfunny light. like survivor or america's next top model.
at least rose mcgowan is funny, because she's a good actress. but you know, if anyone suggested i should join some sellout, superfical reality show because i have a naturally bitchy streak, i would just stuff his (or her, but unlikely to be a her) balls into a bench clamp, clamp it to maximum, hand the unfortunate shit an axe and set the building on fire so the only way for the moron to escape would be by cutting off his own balls to free himself.
don't know what inspired this randomly vehement paragraph.
but you know, if i did take part in any reality show, it would have to be pimp my ride. whooooyyyyayy. because there's nothing about selling out or sex in pimp my ride, aside from the word, "pimp".
HAHAHAHA. lame shit.
i was just wondering whether my life would have been different in any way if i had siblings. ok, let's see.
older brother: he would probably end up getting very annoyed with me, one because i would fight with him for the computer, and another because i would scare away his girlfriend by telling them why she should stay away from him. also when i show his porn folders and playboy magazine collection to his girlfriend.
older sister: would probably get very annoyed at me as well, because i would probably threaten her boyfriend repeatedly if he makes her pay for everything. that is, if he isn't a self-respecting bastard.
twin sister: would grow exasperated with me. likely to end up exact opposite of me. her half of the room: josh hartnett posters. my half: anti-josh hartnett posters.
twin brother: would end up fighting with me over the computer. likely to hate me for looking a little like him, and vice versa.
younger brother: would fight with me over the computer. i think i would end up bullying him senseless. would probably grow up poor, underfed child in the milk scheme. i would throw his gameboy out of the window if he talks back to me.
younger sister: might hate me if she becomes a mini-diva.
so that's it. maybe it's good that i'm an only child because i don't think i'll be able to get along with anyone. maybe a sister, but definitely not a brother.

immortalisation

2005-09-07T21:03:00.000+08:00

right, i have decided.
no more caring about grades. no more worrying about leaving testimonials. no more being worried about missing lessons. no more conformity.
i have decided to immortalise myself. i will start the immortalisation process after i leave jc.
honestly, if school was my life, i should have committed suicide long ago.
you may ask how i am going to achieve immortalisation. not an easy process, but the concept is elementary. yes, elementary, my dear watson.
even though i may suck at it, i'm going to become an artist after i leave college. for real. i shall not bother myself with trivial matters such as grades. i shall move into my own apartment and become a full-time artist. and i shall put my limited education to full use.
heck. i already know i'm going to starve.
this is one of the reasons i'm glad i went to vj instead of aj or cj or whatever in the end. i realised how pointless it is to complain about the management/administration, because bureaucracy exsists everywhere, particularly in the school i currently attend. and because i can thus learn how to emotionally distance myself from all of the shit and grow up faster.
honestly i sound like this whiny emo kid. but face it, there are only two things i like about vj, sadly, dismally. one is tsd. the other, the company and the fact that i'm not alone in certain ways of thinking.
probably one of the reasons why i feel this way is because i have no religious or spiritual affiliation at the moment.
i have the feeling i'm veering off tangent.
on to other stuff.
THEATREWORKS. thanks, man, for inviting me to that ceremony when i have a frigging pc exam on that day. this is one of the reasons i hate lit so much; it interferes with most of my life. anyway, i can't remember how theatreworks got my contact. maybe that time when i was still a member of act3, like quite long ago, we did some collaboration. wahlao. not that i did much for act3. i remember telling the act3 instructor that i was scared of performing. actually it was my mother who wanted me to join act3 in order to ahem, develop better intrapersonal skills. right. so anyway the instructor made me do stuff that wasn't too bad, such as flicking the lights on and off, something any damned fool can do and which wasn't so bad. press the switch, light comes on, elementary my dear watson.
see how ironic my life is. even in some insignificant role theatreworks remembered me.
hahaha. i sound like such a fool.
ok, moving on.
wonder if it's possible to fall in love with somebody just by reading their blog. sounds ridiculous. like falling in love with something faceless and with some funky characters as a screenname. dunno. just a passing thought. chew on it.
last thing. why do hurricanes have to be named after women? instead of katrina, what about kenneth? men are always the ones causing the damage anyway.

sexy slider

2005-09-04T18:11:00.000+08:00

changed my phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yayee. still have to pay parents in instalments though.
the nokia 6610 is now lying next to the un-tradeable 8250 in bikini bottom.
ok, let me describe the Sexy Slider. has this sound recording function (ok, what's new lah), camera (don't tell steph) and these high-tech security measures. also has built-in mirror and wheels. (was kidding about the wheels.) it's quite hard to message though, because i'm so used to using nokia phones.
anyway yesterday went to the orthodontist, and he said the braces will be going in two weeks. two weeks. how shit cool is that. right now have got to wear this odd n-shaped rubber band that fully prevents me from yawning. or eating.
i meant to say something. last night stumbled upon this blog via a search engine (trust me, you won't want to read it, especially if you converse better in the english language than the chinese one, if you're a chinese.) so you might ask, how did i discover it? i was looking for the blog of an ex-sn girl and i found it instead. so anyway this person is, coincidentally, in vj, from dhs, and is in love with the chinese language. initially got a shock when i read the first line. slamming people who prefer english--labelling them as ahem, "anti-chinese freaks".
wow. apparently this person thinks vj is full of such "anti-chinese freaks". well, i think that's true. most chinese people in vj can't speak a word of chinese.
but like whoa. "anti-chinese freaks" is kind of strong. oh yea, and the person also went on about how they wished vj's school rules were more like dhs'. ok can't comment, since am from sngs, not dhs. shall leave it to your imagination. i can think of a lot of other things tan yew hwee can catch me for, besides my hair.
anyway, shit, it's none of my business. i'm just describing.
feel depressed. have neither handed in hughes essay nor started studying. never mind. shall aim to get the essay done by next sunday. and now let me list out all the holiday assignments. greek essay. (!) gp thing. (!!) eh that seems about it. but still need to mug for promos.
forget it. i'm going to slack, then i'll chiong when it feels neccessary.
have compiled a treasury of the words i hate most: mug, exams, promos, retained, study, revise, homework, a-levels, grades, remedial, misogynist, workaholic, MALE, man, boy, guy, masculine, sexaholic, nymphomaniac, rapist.
if my new phone were to have a gender, it would be female. because i simply can't stand the thought of anything male residing in my vj skirt pocket. and because i don't want to hold anything male so close to my face and go "hello?"

sugar we're going down

2005-09-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

so anyway, i opened the door to the mcdonald's delivery guy. well, it happened to be raining very heavily, and there he was, standing in a (sorry and) sodden pile, water puddling around his shoes. he gave me the plastic bag. the food inside was stone cold and the fries were soggy (not anyone's fault, you see, but the rain). so i had a nice dinner of soggy fries, flat coke and cold burger. okay. my point is, maybe i should stop eating fast food temporarily, because it makes my wallet definitely slimmer.
today was shit cool. no pw. and the lit teacher was late and he cut off the first fifteen minutes of the lecture. and he released us at 8.40. econs teacher also cancelled her lesson. BASICALLY, we had almost a full day off. got home to find that old monitor (the one with the grey lines) had been replaced with chic lg flatron, which has background lighting like a laser plane.
oh and some amazing news. managed to access msn just now. but when i got in, i couldn't see my contact list no matter how much i clicked and flicked around. then computer shut down on me and i had to restart it. and now i can't get back in any more. fantastic. anyway, don't really care because even if my msn was working, would be far too lazy to sign in. honestly don't know why my computer is so msn-incompatible. it's windows xp for goodness sake.
before i forget, an update about wed, when i went back to st nix after the crappy vj teachers' day celebrations. hurried to roof garden to find everyone--siao er in her rj uniform, jinghang, diana and yuqin in their aj uniforms, rina in her nj uniform and xianhui in her tp uniform--except xinnie chatting to mrs seah. and mrs seah asked me if i found vj interesting and fun (oh my goodness, why does everyone have this perception) and asked about my hair etc etc. before that i ran into mrs sherwood at the family lounge and she took one look at my fake hawk and went, "good grief." seems everyone is doing well, especially yuqin, in the romance department.
then after that went to orchard with rina, siao er and yuqin, and after walking around the usual places we went to youth park. to PLAY CARDS. like ok. i know i'm addicted to cards. i'm beginning to wonder if it's something i should be ashamed of. so we played and played like in the good old days, except that in the good old days we kept everything under the desks and only operated during chen yong ming's and mrs ong's lessons.
anyway saw a few more of my classmates. some of them are totally unrecognisable. like in sn you wouldn't have thought that this girl was hot but now she's in jc all the guys are falling at her feet kind of thing. haha. anyway, aj seems very happening. like each girl there seems to have at least one desperate suitor in pursuit. hmm. so different from vj where most of the population is too worried about spa to care.
oh, and i didn't visit the guideys. oops. wouldn't have minded visiting them, but the prospect of facing gwee with her arms laden with teachers' day paraphernalia was just too much for my poor, tortured-for-four-years soul. anyway, yuqin didn't visit them either. haha!
the indian lady is still selling tissues at the junction between heeren and mandarin. we had a good laugh about xinnie's story about her while we were there that day.

bastard

2005-08-30T21:32:00.000+08:00

damn tan yew hwee caught me today. shit i just want to scream bitch in his face. he caught me because my hair was too long. and he said, "i don't care what you do about it, go to the toilet and sort it out now." freaking messy business followed, which involved meredith and bernice and hair wax (thanks, girls!) and i was cleared. no, seriously. ~~if bloody tan yew hwee catches me again i'm going to do something very violent.~~ on hindsight, if had received message about chaucer tutorial and gone, then would not have been caught by tan yew hwee. but oh no some people just don't know how to pass down messages, so well, blame it on the inefficiency of the class relay.
and yay, duo is over! quite like my bimbo role, though highly unlikely that i'll be playing such a role ever again. hoot hoot hoot! i love my duo partner!
anyway, mrs low called me up today to discuss my lack of cca. she said, why not the french club? and i was like, hmm, okay and i smiled at her. then i asked her about the betting club and she was like, oh, no, it wouldn't go well with mr seet. oh shit lah. i don't care. i feel quite bad but i don't care. huh so what of my testimonial is only half a page long. it's the quality, not quantity, baby! ok i'm just trying to feel better about myself.
now it seems like everybody is addicted to chinese chess. no cards, just chinese chess. hahaha.
yesterday someone was asking me, "do you think there is anything wrong with...?" and i was like i think so but i don't really know. you know, i can't really tell. it's just something you either choose to ignore on purpose or you cannot detect it out because you're blur. anyway, if that really is true then i don't want to know about it. errhhh.
today tiff came back, and i impersonated somebody on her phone. oh man shit weird. in the end i just hung up the phone. hah. anyway, nice to see tiff after so long and hear her say "my boyfriend this and that". and luckily for her sake, cookie monst stayed out of the way.
oh yes and i remembered something else. in primary 6 i used to attend this shitty group tuition for maths and science and now i think one of the guys who was in the same tuition class is in vj. in fact, in arts fac. whatever dunno lah. some mugger guy. no wonder he looked so familiar. still mugging away. damn sad. during tuition last time the super-bitchy toni and charmaine (or toni&charmaine! *muackz*) --ugh puke-- always bitched about him behind his back. i still remember waht they called him: FAG.
anyway, to all who are done with duos: WELL DONE and hope you remembered not to misuse the lights.
going back sn tomorrow. yepyepee. orange bowl.

handbag thief

2005-08-28T11:43:00.000+08:00

funny moments of the week.

number one: thursday afternoon. location: vjc canteen.
sam (skipping off): lalalala
tim (queueing at drinks stall): hey, pao! PAO! wait!! (cue bollywood music)
drinks stall auntie: PAO! PAO!! PAO!!!!
sam: yes? yes?
drinks stall auntie: oh, so you are pao. why you call her pao?
me: she looks like a pao.
drinks stall auntie: ya hor, chubby chubby ah. (as tim finishes buying his drink) bye pao!
sam (waving): bye auntie!
(in the meantime, tim's laughter rings loudly in the background)

number two: friday afternoon. location: chaucer classroom.
mr ng kah gay: blah blah blah
me (as siying's plum rolls off the table): oh no! (frantic signalling to mr ng kah gay, who stops momentarily in his droning to pick the plum up from underneath his chair)

number three: saturday morning. location: costume room.
steph: we went to call lofty so he could watch our piece. and when we got back in here, there was this vomit smell.
nicola: what? you mean lofty vomited in here?

number four: saturday afternoon. location: 24 hours.
shaun (fishes around for dead bees):....
sulas (holding long sharp weapons and angling them towards shaun's butt): poke poke poke!

that just sums up the week. and oh, about the handbag thief who stole nicola's roxy handbag-slash-our prop. i hope you die alone in the desert and decompose slowly while flies buzz around your flesh and vultures slowly consume you. and that your eyes rot out and bees fly inside your empty sockets and make honeycombs. and that your ic gets chewed up by scavenging snakes so nobody can tell who you are, if your body is ever discovered. LIKE HELLO you B*TCH. we effing need it. and anyway the bag's not tsd property, it's individual property. so return it or i'll rip your ears from your skull.
what was i going to say. oh yes can't wait for wed/thurs, when i can stop going to school.
and break legs all my little friends for tomorrow and tuesday! in two days it'll be over and we can go back to mugging econs and greeks and whatever.

sisters all are we

2005-08-23T21:12:00.000+08:00

i honestly don't understand why you would make a sudden, out-of-the-blue phone call to a person you don't talk to on a regular basis, just to ask how things are. especially if you think the person you are calling hates the shit out of you. and like yeah, creepy. and when the person asks who's on the line, you go, "it's me lah." like how would anyone interpret that if they don't happen to talk to you or hang out with you on a regular basis. and then you ask, "where are you?" like there's some appointment between the two of you, when there isn't. ok, ok. i think i've said too much here. hmm, whatever. i shall continue to be puzzled for the rest of my life.
duo slots are by the koi pond now. way cool. hah. and i found out something interesting. my character is a bimbo. everything about her screams bimbo, from her speech to her dress sense. ok. so anyway, would anyone be able to figure out what my costume is going to look like. ha yes, that's right. a dress and heels. ok. yes. calming down.
this morning i was very mean. the guy who never bathes got on the bus as usual, carrying his f-maths tys under one arm. i was in the aisle seat. then he somehow stood next to my seat in the aisle. and i was thinking, shit, if the person beside me gets off then i would have to make way for the smelly guy. then sure enough the person beside me got off. so the smelly guy tried to force his way in. eh by the way, i think he's a prc. but whatever lah. so i became the bitch of the morning. i put my bag on the seat beside me and pretended not to see him. super nasty. then this other seat behind was vacated so thankfully the smelly guy sat down and i was able to remove my bag so some other vj person could sit. oh crap. mean shit. i'm so mean. and so many people on the bus witnessed my act of meanness. i ruined someone's day. i probably made someone cry. oh no.
but then again, if some guy who doesn't bathe tries to sit beside you, you won't like it either. guess how i know the guy doesn't bathe? i can see his dead skin flaking off onto his vj uniform. like the mask in a51. except maybe the mask just never washes his face. this guy, the body.
have suddenly realised something. was looking at steph's pictures of the dim sum dollies thing yesterday. and i can see the uncanny physical differences between jon c the gross vs guy and azri, one of the lo mai guys. the faces; exactly the same. the height; roughly the same. the hair; the same. the perpetual facial expressions; 100% similar. especially the way they look at girls. they could be brothers, except that jonathan is a chinese and azri is a malay. whoops. didn't mean to degarde or insult anyone. sorry azri fans. really. i'm just making a superficial comparison. no need to scream.
can you believe it. three more days until the end of the week. can't wait for this week to be over. not that i'm looking forward to promos. but i could really welcome a break.

about last night

2005-08-21T16:38:00.000+08:00

was at yck last night, sitting comfortably in andrea's parents' car, thinking about roti prata at the jalan kayu coffee shop with indian rojak, glassy-eyed and clutching the dim sum dollies cd in one hand and esmonde's cutouts in the other, when i spottted something that made me sit up suddenly. quite stupid really. there was a number 53 bus streaking along outside presbyterian high. and for a minute i was like, "eh? 53 comes here meh?" and then i realised that it didn't and it was just going back to the terminal. ok fleeting moment of stupidity. hah.
ok, so i may consider going back for dim sum dollies next year. i don't know. see how my results are first. quite fun really, seeing people open their wallets in front of you.
teachers' day is coming up. don't know if i want to go back to sn. don't really particularly like any of the teachers there, especially ms gwee. i remember how horrible she was to me about the photo business, just because rebecca told me a lot of info i didn't remember and thus i had nothing to say to kaifong. i remember every time kaifong asked me a question i would be like "er, sorry, i don't know." on hindsight should have just stuck with being the company scribe. just collect consent forms only. of course; doesn't help that am bad with money. looking back, the photokeeping job is eerily similar to the ticketing job. aiyo. how do i always get myself into trouble. and the whole thing about the new zealand powerpoint and how renhui and i slogged for months preparing for a presentation in august that both of us knew was never going to take place. actually preferred being pl to being photokeeper. my goodness. will never ever join a uniform group again.
anyway let me talk about my duo character josie now. hmm. i'm quite convinced that blink-182 wrote "online songs" especially for her. she has an inner bimbo coupled with externalised bitchiness. fran, on the other hand, has externalised bimboticism and a heart of gold. hahaha. complete contrast with beatrice who was not afraid to die. ho. have suddenly realised the similarities between my mono and duo characters. both are going to die. both are under immense stress. both feel they have been ill-done-by. both are extremely teenage-angsty.
can't believe how retarded vj has gotten. they want to spend money on a treehouse. SHIT. like what the. oh no, a petrol-station sign isn't enough. a collaboration with subway isn't enough. like hello they didn't even ask for students' opinions. as if they are going to read every single note on the board by the canteen. as if a tiny slip of pink paper with the word "don't" on it would make a difference. what about the aircons and chairs in LT3 and LT4? why aren't LTs 3 and 4 more sophisticated like LT5? anyway everyone has hang-out places. the soccer guys have the soccer table. the hockey people have hockey table. the icomp has the lab and the v2 classrooms. the choir has the choir room. band has the band room. sc has the sc room. odac has the odac room. art people have the art room. tsdians have 24 hours. the rest of the people have the library/the concourse. SO? bloody fc m-effing waste of finances. i'm going to write to the principal, man. on monday when i go back to school. during econs lecture. you watch out, man.

C+--+-+

2005-08-17T18:35:00.000+08:00

goodbye, design. shall whisk off my hat and salute you while you disappear completely from my life, while i am left to be consumed by the slimy black monster known as Performance. i hereby swear that
1. i shall never touch design ever again
2. i shall not delude myself into thinking that i can do design with a passable standard
everybody, please see that i keep to these promises, or you have license to push me into the nearest longkang.
so ok. we're permitted to do our duos wearing "blacks and a top hat". fine, cool, whatever. so in other words we're not encouraged to take it seriously. let me laugh. hahaha. i'm sure lah. if we were to be like this during the open house nobody would want to join tsd ever. haha.
went for first econs lecture in about a month or so. the last time i went for an econs lecture, mr bernard low had just started on the wage theory. i can sadly say that even though econs is my best subject (wow wow bet nobody knew that) i have fallen behind again in lectures. for one, i don't listen during tutorials anymore and am unlikely to mug again until the exam period. so screw.
wahliew, my life is so shit boring.
so our school has decided to have a subway bar. now i like subway. but apparently it isn't halal. and if it isn't halal, why are they setting it up in vj? it's absurd, don't you think, that the school wants at least three-quarters of its student population to enjoy a privilege, but the remaining quarter or so does not get to enjoy it. well done, vj. even though i am not a muslim i don't see why everyone shouldn't be given the same rights. it's different in food centres and so on because it's a public area and the stalls are there not as privileges but as neccessities. ok. maybe i'm being emo and unintelligible again. ignore this paragraph if you don't agree then, pretend i never said anything. i'm not going to support the subway stall unless it becomes halal. nope.
i have this theory why science people mug more often than arts people. it's nothing to do with basic nature. basically (or technically, or essentially, or really) arts people are slackers in general, simply because you can't memorise literature or take a practical history test. so we slack and wait for our next essay to be thrown to us then we crap out some substance while science people really have to prepare for their spas and everything. and also science people have less people taking strange combinations, so they get less breaks, are released earlier, and thus have more time to do their assignments, hence (or therefore, or thus) they appear to be mugging frequently. actually, everyone is the same when it comes to exams.

we believe

2005-08-11T20:09:00.000+08:00

spades addict. seriously. am proud to be one in a small but growing group of tsd people who play spades. one of the pioneers of spades in tsd. spades spades spades. yeah. have already gotten some people infected with it. come on, all you spaders out there, let's spread the epidemic!
today was my sound presentation. crappy business. thanks all who helped me press buttons, up subs etc. namely steph, sam, tim, serene and cheryl. yay. thanks for not laughing during my crappy speech about howler monkeys and the ripping scotchtape. haha. wasn't as bad as i expected, honestly. but caught mr young stoning. ok, mr young. i know my presentation is boring. but please at least feign some interest. actually he did. he asked some question. lofty was writing down so many comments. luckily i can't read his handwriting. or maybe i would have fainted in my swivelly chair from sheer demoralisation.
eek. i'm actually cringing when i think back of my presentation. realised i wasn't prepared for it: no notes or blue cards; nothing. never mind it's over.
yah and good luck to everyone who is presenting tomorrow, especially steph, serene and tim. oh yes and junyi too right? correct me if i'm wrong. break legs all, haha.
the tadpoles died. what was left: the algae floating up to the surface of the water, rotten. dead tadpoles everywhere. the sweets that sam and i left inside, all discoloured, hovering in the water like vomit. and this gross stink. so much for showing how arts students study bio. thought the sweets were good enough nourishment over the five-day weekend, apparently was wrong.
ok and must update about my adventure in the bus this morning. this VIPer, a guy (duh), was standing in the aisle, very close to where i was sitting. he had this haversack with packet drinks stuffed snugly into the side pockets. and when the bus started moving, lurching violently somewhere around eunos link, he grabbed the metal poles for support, one in each hand, and started swinging carefreely from them like tarzan. and best of all, when he turned around to see who had delivered that snort of laughter (me, duh) i caught his facial expression. it was so stoned, and so dead, and so blank, and his eyes were like blackcurrants stuck in a cake. he looked like a zombie or something out of resident evil. totally blur. and he was still swinging around with that emotionless face.
today during pe, mr seet did handstands, then he stood on his head. wow. i would never stand on my head; it would kill my brain cells. cool feat lah.
have come up with a brilliant idea for a cca. problem is i don't think the school will allow it to be set up. damn, but it's still worth a try. i'll be glad to see what happens if it does.

the fallen interlude

2005-08-09T14:20:00.000+08:00

happy national day to everyone out there, whether or not you're happily out shopping or watching charlie and the chocolate factory or slogging away at home for your mini-is presentation.
yesterday were the national day celebrations in school. i swear, there really cannot be a more boring way to celebrate the nation's birthday than making everybody sit down and listen to chinese songs (hello? CHINESE songs? what happened to multi-racialism?) and doing mass dance, all led by a stupid emcee whom i shall go ahead and slam, because 1. he doesn't know i have a blog, and 2. i'm sure nobody else was listening to him either. our school always has mass dances. always. charity event=excuse to mass-dance. racial harmony day=excuse to mass-dance. national day=excuse to mass-dance. even valentine's day=excuse to mass-dance. i'm wondering, don't people get sick of mass dances? why pretend that there's school spirit, when there's none? how many people in vj actually love vj? ok, i'm having another "carthartic moment". ignore this if you don't see the reason in what i'm saying.
yesterday morning on the bus, hilda was aking me, "why you so un-enthu?" haha. good question, hilda. i'm going to take the extreme viewpoint here. it's not that i don't love singapore; i just find the celebrations employed in the schools stale. i can write an entire essay on this, haha. ehr, so what? will wearing a red shirt make all the starving people in our country saturated? will it make men show more respect towards women or whatever? pointless rhethoric. does it mean i love singapore ten thousand times more? no it doesn't and i'm only doing it because the school decrees it.
to cut a long story short, this is why i didn't enjoy yesterday's national day celebrations:
-who says we have to wear red to school to show how much we love singapore? it's rubbish. and as the fashion police might rightly enforce in us: not everybody looks good in red. by the way, the singapore flag is NOT JUST red. get that straight. it's red AND white. so technically, why can't we come to school in white as well?
-why should i be willing to allow myself to be entertained by groups of people who cannot sing, singing and who cannot dance, dancing? with the exception of the choir of course. please, spare us all. i'm no longer in primary school. it's ironic, huh, that while up on stage people are feeling almost indecent passion for singapore, a country they denounce at every opportunity the other 364 days of the year, the audience is wallowing in mindless apathy, salivating excitedly at the thought of the half-day.
-a practical reason i hate mass-dancing is because of all the sweaty alien bodies squished up and grinding against yours, especially during whiney whiney. some of the bodies, are, regretfully, male. and unknown hands touching you, pushing you into the circle, making tribal gestures and stupid noises along with the music. it's ok if you're dancing with your friends lah, but not strangers. mass dance=excuse for mass orgy.
-give it up. don't give me this school-spirit crap. we don't even have class spirit. frankly, i like it that way. can't wait to get out of this corrupted, drab, beige-coloured institution, where innocent people are kicked out of ccas for no reason, and the governance of our school is in the shaky hands of the SC (ok, i feel reassured!). the only things i don't want to leave behind are my friends, and tsd.
-all the sexual connotations in the celebrations. the mass-dancing. the wearing of red: the colour of passion. the song "we will get there": a little orgasmic, if you ask me. look, "deep in my heart i just know/right from the start we will grow/look where we are/we've come so far...", "with family and friends": cue mass-orgy! incest! "guiding me... to a place where i feel safe and warm": this one's for the guys. by the way, what do fireworks represent?
call me whatever. this is a thoughtless outburst.
what else can i say. oh, yes. thanks to junyi for his treat in swensen's.

summer has come and passed; the innocent can never last

2005-08-07T15:47:00.000+08:00

have a horrible sore throat and blocked nose that has effectively stopped me from speaking for the past eighteen hours or so. for those of you who don't like to hear me ranting verbally about the inconveniences caused by a large percentage of the heterosexual human male specimens on this earth, particularly hormonally-charged straight teenage girls and so on, use this limited time to rejoice. by tomorrow, i shall be back in full force to denounce the existence of ahem, men, and males in general.
give me a thumbs-up. have realised i am extremely lucky to have landed up in vjc's arts faculty, where there are very few disgusting males, with the exception of those two guys in five-one: the one who never bathes and the one who plays some mouth instrument in the band--the one whom tim calls the "mask", a couple of other freaks and in particular one weirdo in tsd.
can imagine my life in science fac. odd-combi, limited number of free periods, no tsd, everybody handing in econs homework on time, class full of gross guys who think that all the girls in the world are in love with them and so on.
i remember one senior telling me one time: "if you sit back and look at vj from a neutral point of view, after you strip away all the perceptions of 'top college' and 'school-spirit-y population', you find that it's actually full of poser guys who think too much of themselves and brainless bimbos who keep falling at their feet. and you just laugh at how amusing it can get." it's time for me to shrug my shoulders. might get into trouble for this.
hair stylist obviously had a bad day. now my hair looks and feels like some unevenly-trimmed lawn. i told the stylist, stop cutting, because it's already ok. but no, he had to keep going, and at the end he jumped up and down and went, it's nice, it's nice, while making all these ah-jie hand gestures like a typical auntie. ok, but now i need a hairband to hold up the centre part where my hair can no longer stand up.
ok, on to something else. i've not seen her in school before, but i see her on the bus almost every morning. it's odd, isn't it? fated but not fated. what a way to put it. it's always that bus stop, the one at upper paya lebar road, just before plmgs. maybe during breaks she disappears into the library or some personal corner of the school, just like how we always disappear into the tsd room. our separate lives are like this samuel beckett play, one that i cannot remember the name of, the one about these two men in a train station.
downloaded this sound-editing programme. WILD. tremendous fun.

el pan de mais

2005-08-04T21:09:00.000+08:00

read my greek book on the bus this morning. HAH. as soon as i finished the last line, bus had pulled up beside st. pat's and all the vj people were alighting. am i pro or what. perfect timing.
have discovered a new passion: tadpole-catching. siying and i discovered that the little man-made fountain at the garden tables--yes, hold your stomachs, ladies and gentlemen--is not really a fountain, but a pond, full of living, breathing things like algae and tadpoles. so there was this net at the garden tables, the kind you would use for aquarium fish, and a ceramic bowl. so we fished and fished for quite a while. tremendous fun. then later cheryl and serene joined in, and cheryl ended up catching a lot of rocks. haha. one tadpole died when it fell out of the bowl and when we got it back in the water, it sank to the bottom and all the other tadpoles swarmed on it and started tearing off chunks of its flesh. oh man. carnivorous tadpoles. cannabalistic tadpoles.
and anyway i got a cast made of my face. yes, a mask, with half my eyelashes stuck fast in the plaster.
have more or less gotten the design thing together, but haven't started on journal or talked to teachers yet at all. i think the teachers are waiting for us to talk to them. huh, i have nothing to ask them. the last comment i heard was from lofty, who went, "that's an excellent play," about streetcar. too lazy to write my own script, i suppose. ok, good, got some sounds sorted out. but just realised, horror of horrors, that blanche wasn't a virgin. like, how could she be after she was married before? and had flings with so many men? this is hilarious. and i can't think of anything concrete i can match the symbolism to. oh no. no way. here i shall work my way around the situation. i shall think of more interesting things for chorus to say, besides the spanish phrase and so forth. err if i do go for the bonus in the end i will have to find people who are willing to partake in a sexually violent piece of theatre. ie, act. bad idea.
am going to skip school on monday. hooray, because i don't want to wear an ethnic costume, seeing i don't have one, and i don't want to wear a red shirt. no, i'm not anti-authority. really. i may come to school to work on my design but i'm not going to sit around and sing patriotic songs. the one thing i like about vj besides tsd: that vj is very slack. seriously, on monday i just walked right out of the GO when the sc people had caught all the latecomers, without scanning my ezlink.
oh yes and i do often wonder. if people want to know or confirm things, why can't they just ask? well i suppose passiveness is a luxury. i admit i'm a victim, and it's not getting me anywhere either.

baboons

2005-07-30T12:30:00.000+08:00

shit i'm really screwed. i haven't figured out what i want my chorus to say. the book is too unhelpful. no hints or clues. anyone with ideas, please tell me.
yesterday was zhiying's farewell at kenny rogers. our first (almost) complete class dinner together, where more than 8 people turned up. even mrs low was there. well sam and i reached first and then cheryl and steph got lost. haha, they apparently took a wrong turn somewhere, probably trying to avoid sam, who was hiding behind bushes and boo-ing people. i don't think sadness had actually dawned on anyone yet. anyway, i would like to thank zhiying for the scar she and ling made me during my mono, and for entertaing with that story about the girl who removed her earstud, pulled a string which turned out to be a nerve and blinded herself.
realised that certain men look a lot like monkeys, especially when they're playing sports like frisbee. not those gorilla-gorilla types that hunch and slouch around and beat their chests, but those skinny, noisy breeds which have little or no brains at all. was reminded of this yesterday when a group of such creatures invaded the field when the soccer girls were training and proceeded to toss a frisbee around. was appalled at their seemingly inhuman resemblances, especially when they all converged towards the swirling frisbee at one point and started grunting loudly. am very glad that was not born male.
hmm i wonder if steph is taking a dig at someone. look at her lastest tag on my board. speaks volumes.
oh yes and mr ng kah gay looked positively shocked at my chaucer paper. i think he didn't even expect me to pass it. advice to anyone who wants to score for chaucer: read the translations. then summarise everything briefly. then go through mr ho's lecture notes. i'm giving out this information, in the hope that, someone will teach me how to score for hughes. please.
name one teacher who doesn't hate our class. all: lampshade, lippie, litb*tch, gay and mrs low don't really like us. i get the feeling lofty is losing his patience with us. even our new pc teacher is going to end up hating us, i bet. hahaha.
the phrase "i'll treat you to fish and co." has become like the reward we dangle in front of our friends in exchange for something daring and impossible to be done. it's sometimes almost threatening in a sense. nobody would turn down such an offer. i find it quite interesting. it's always fish and co, because fish and co. is like the most expensive restaurant around (aside from all those hotel buffets and cafe cartel and whatever). and i suppose it gives you a feeling of power to sit down and order whatever you like, no matter how big the portion or how expensive, knowing full well you don't have to pay for it. already in the past two weeks, i've heard the phrase being used at least twice.

the irony of it all

2005-07-28T20:11:00.000+08:00

WARNING: IF YOU'RE THE TYPE WHO CANNOT TOLERATE ANTI-GUY ISSUES OR IF YOU'RE A TOUCHY, FUSSY GUY, THERE'S NO POINT READING AHEAD.
dad almost drove me to the police station today after i told him about the frigging bastard who accosted me at far east plaza. he was so worked up that he started talking about "going to court" and "getting your (my) friends to act as witnesses in court". i'm so sure lah. these policemen take hours to write reports. anyway, reached home super early today because i didn't really want to leave him alone, seeing how mother is in bangkok with her friend. that's another reason i didn't go for college day, incidentally.
anyway, i'm aching all over, literally, after colliding headfirst into rowell today during floorball. erm. well. luckily my teeth didn't get knocked out. simple accident. heh.
oh yes. just wanted to talk about the most savagely ironic point of the day, the one that made this title. the purpose of going shopping today. hmm. i'm sure if anyone doesn't know what i'm talking about here they can easily put two and two together. for one, after today's slimy incident, isn't the point of going shopping a little absurd?
suddenly have this intense hatred for all men, except for my dad. well ok, most men. what if the entire world was populated by women. cool. like that kingdom in journey to the west. vj has made me seriously anti-guy. ok i'm blaming the college now, resentfully and mercilessly. girls are much nicer. ~~and not to mention, at times, less petty.~~ ee. erm i'm not referring to anyone in particular. REALLY. I SWEAR. nobody's perfect lah.
yesterday we got caught by this crappy teacher who saw us talking during assembly. like ugh. just because we were discussing something that is a part of life, for some people at least. reminds me of the time mrs florence lai summoned up the ghostbusters' club in p4 and called us "morons" only she pronounced it "maroons". anyway in response to that: hey, mrs lai, i got into EM1 ok? and in secondary school when lao cai caught us laughing in assembly (at her dress, what else?).
this is going to earn me a bad rep with mrs low. already i'm not speaking up in class, playing cards, ponning lectures, getting caught by teachers, ponning college day etc etc.
anyway, short note to someone who might read this: if you're pissed off then say so to my face. well i'm not saying i'm not in the wrong. ok, i was, i admit it was my fault lah. but please don't take it out on sam again. it's not like she did anything to you. and please try not to whine behind my back because i'll hear of it anyway.
i fear being brainwashed.

fair is foul and foul is fair

2005-07-26T22:01:00.000+08:00

hover through the fog and filthy air.
this is terrible. really terrible. i feel like a total moron. oh no oh no i could laugh at myself right now. i just realised it. have been calling a certain person i know by the wrong name all along. hahahaha. absurd and unbelievable. don't know how someone with initials jh could suddenly be known as zh. oh no oh no i feel so bad. luckily the person doesn't know i have a blog. whatever. let me laugh at myself now: HA. because i didn't realise it until like, five seconds ago.
lamelamelame.
anyway, today i stepped in the huge puddle outside st. pat's. not my fault lah, the stinky guy who never bathes who always sits on my bus was in front of me, and to avoid him i moved away and stepped into the puddle. and my shoes and socks got wet. duh. so for the whole day i just walked around barefoot--tim was the other one--and we managed to dodge tan yew hwee a couple of times. err.
have i mentioned i'm really sick of vj's canteen food? no, seriously. let me rate the stalls (or rather, complain about the stalls). fruit uncle: cannot understand simple instructions. hot drinks auntie: sour-faced. cold drinks stall: ok there's nothing really wrong with this stall lah. yong tau foo: hmm. cannot complain at the moment. carrot cake: cannot eat this for more than 1 day in a row. western food uncle: need i mention? wanton stall: also cannot follow simple instructions. chicken rice stall: also cannot eat this for more than 1 day in a row. indian food: my goodness. don't even get started on its hygiene level. chinese food: also. malay stall with fried chicken wings: only stall with edible food. other malay stall: no variety.
anyway am thinking of buying cloth tomorrow. goodness knows what effects i can produce from cloth. i think it's kind of ludicrous equating a piece of cloth to a woman's virginity, and getting someone to tear it loudly as blanche gets raped. but wait is blanche a virgin? hmm hmm hmm. i can easily find lightning and thunder, the usual stuff on the net, but no "virginity tearing" noise. does anyone know or can anyone suggest where i can erm, find the sound of "ripping virginity", short of getting one of my classmates to rape another and recording everything manually? hahahahaha.
speaking of that i must record down a confession taken from the mouth of miss cheryl cai this afternoon on the fifty-five bus. she said, word for word, "if junyi and i get together i'll TREAT you to FISH AND CO.!" ok ah she said it so confidently. everyone, remember she said this! from the elegant mouth itself!

it's wilde!

2005-07-25T21:09:00.000+08:00

it's wilde! and that's because wilde knows his bitchy characters very well. hmm i guess in pinter they spend a lot of time speculating and putting food into the wall and waiting for it to disappear. hard to portray dramatic tension.
oh that reminds me. mr harris hates the word "portray", for some reason. he hates "hence" and "in conclusion" as well. hahaha. made me amused. and have i mentioned that his handwriting is extremely hard to decipher? though he probably thinks the same of us.
anyway, happily failed 2.4km run again this time, the worst timing i've had in my entire life, and i'm not exaggerating. honestly. have never had a timing worse than this. but to be brutally honest, the fastest girl was only like, 14 minutes plus. so i don't think i did too badly on average.
oh i was really nasty today, to a certain someone who committed a certain crime of rendering me without a cca. ok, couldn't help it. felt a glorious sense of exhilaration and satisfaction when striding up the hockey pitch--"mr lim, mr lim..." and then giving him my two cents' worth. quite enjoyed it actually. made mr lim look quite bad, judging from the expression on his face. ok i didn't mean that. he's quite a nice coach, but... aiyah, whatever lah, it's over now.
as i have promised cheryl, serene and siying, i shall swear never to talk about harry potter and the half-blood prince, reveal any obvious hints to the plot or let slip any twists and turns. so anyone, please remind me if i conveniently forget this pledge i made.
and we got our new pc teacher today. he seems slightly deranged, judging from what he said about somebody sticking their head in the ceiling fan. oh man if any vj teacher stumbled across this blog i would get into major trouble with the school. what the hell who told me that mr dax young reads blogs. ee. if he can find saiful's blog he can find 05a52's blog then he would be able to find 05a55's blog and all our blogs. luckily i never said much about any teacher except for the econs woman, the lit woman and mr thinkabourit. the worst thing i'd ever done to mr young before was steal his bike. and of course, the whole shit with the ikan bilis props and laptops. oh, come on. i don't want to feel incriminated.
i have realised that in the latest few entries i have not been complaining for a single moment about anything related to lights, gels or whatever. realise i am quite happy when not stressing, having to set up six fresnels at one go and worrying about the sun panel and harmful effects of uv rays.
by the way today i told lofty i was going to try streetcar, and he was like, "oh, ok, that's an excellent play," which made me very depressed suddenly. because i think it had been done to death too, just like macbeth. oh no. don't want to end up with a piece like that. suddenly wish i had chosen another skill instead, something i was initially considering at the beginning. and incidentally (this has nothing to do with tsd whatsoever) does anyone know what slash fiction is? some of it is quite amusing. if you want some good slash click on "FictionAlley" under links.
my hair's growing long. will cut it on friday. snippety-snip.

lucification

2005-07-24T21:47:00.000+08:00

today met sue-anne and we went shopping. well, not really shopping, just browsing. and watching the school of rock contestants jumping up and down onstage screaming into their microphones and frantically plucking their guitar strings.
disgusting woman who thought balloon was a soccer ball kicked it into my face. luckily it wasn't really a soccer ball or i would have lost a few teeth. glared at her threateningly for a few seconds, watched her apologise, then turned away. haha.
got a nice new pair of slippers from a cart vendor. yayee. i don't know what's up with me and slippers.
obviously i haven't done my econs homework yet, so i can jolly well go and hang myself. it's not that i don't want to do it but the trouble is i've forgotten which question she specifically asked us to do. and i'm too lazy to sms or call anyone to find out. so screw. fc. it's my fault entirely. actually i should just skip school tomorrow. low points of tomorrow: maths lecture in stuffy LT4, pc lessons with new pc teacher who may well be someone who would resent my apathy, econs lecture, econs tutorials (thanks ah, haven't done assignment) and best of all, NAPFA! complete utter waste of my time. wish for long uninterrupted free periods, lack of tests and tutorials and boring lectures.
want to skip school want to skip school want to skip school just for tomorrow.
was thinking of my options for streetcar. maybe if i'm on enough, shall look at it during econs lecture tomorrow and make adjustments to the soundscape. ok. got that planned out.
and the choice between pinter and wilde. pinter is better than wilde because it's easier to find costumes, minimalistic set and no accents. wilde is better than pinter because it is pure, free of deconstruction and funny. in pinter, there is sitting around and speculating and eventually one person shoots the other dead. in wilde, there is sitting around and bitching and eventually one person drops a bombshell on the other.
hair is growing long. shall cut it soon.

fon

2005-07-23T16:51:00.000+08:00

stumbled across this a few minutes ago. credits to one of my old classmates :)

First, write down the names of twenty people you know.Then read and answer the questions.You can't look at the questions until you write down the twenty names you're going to use.
1. lynn
2. becky
3. april
4. madeline
5. serene
6. junyi
7. steph
8. cheryl
9. siying
10. samsoh
11. tim
12. qin
13. siaoer
14. xinnie
15. sue-anne
16. yeek
17. nicola
18. hui
19. chunjia
20. hilda

1. Is #9 a boy or a girl? [siying] a girl, duh.
2. Would #11 and #2 make a cute couple? [becky and tim] no! they don't even know each other.
3. How about #18 and #4? [hui and madeline] no. not in a million years! haha
4. What grade is #17 in? [nicola] j1.
5. When was the last time you talked to #12? [qin] a week ago.
6. What is #6's favorite band? [junyi] eh-see-dee-see. GC. whatever.
7. Does #1 have any siblings? [lynn] yes a sister.
8. Would you ever date #3? [april] yeah, right.
9. Would you ever date #7? [steph] hahaha! good question! think abourit.
10. Is #16 single? [yeek] not sure, but some hotties on the list.
11. What's #15's last name? [sue-anne] tan.
12. What's #10's middle name? [samsoh] pau-line
13. What's #5's favorite thing to do? [serene] erm... sing loudly?
14. Is #13 hot? [siaoer] yes among the guys, haha
15. Did #14 ever crush on #19? [xinnie and chunjia] hahaha! NO!
16. What school does #20 go to? [hilda] vj.
17. Tell me a random fact about #11? [tim] high-pitched, unelegant laughter
18. And #1: [lynn] has a freakishly dirty mind. was corrupted by HER.
19. And #4: [madeline] used to be president of the eraser-dust club in primary school!
20. Have you ever had a crush on #15? [sue-anne] NO. haha that would be funny
21. Where does #9 live? [siying] hougang?
22. What's #3 favorite color? [april] blue? yellow?
23. Would you makeout with #14? [xinnie] HAHAHAHAHA my ass
24. Are #5 & #6 best friends? [serene and junyi] no, junyi has a best friend somewhere else on this list.
25. Does #7 like #2? [steph and becky] no they don't know each other.
26. Does #8 like #19? [cheryl and chunjia] don't know. but definitely not in a lesbian way.
27. How did you meet #2? [becky] ohh, first day of guides when we were bitching about huifen.
28. How did you meet #18? [hui] don't remember, haha
29. Does #10 have any pets? [samsoh] sparky the dog. hahahaha!
30. Is #12 older than you? [qin] yep.
31.Is #17 the sexiest person alive, or what? [nicola] haha she would like to think so!

CHO

2005-07-23T15:31:00.000+08:00

what does CHO stand for? is it some incomprehensible chemical formula? it it someone's initials? does it represent some grammatical error i have committed? and why has it appeared on two out of four of my tsd essays? what unfathomable philosiphical questions!
and yet, finally, this space screams for an update.
ok, on to yesterday. on the way home in the train from orchard, i was thinking about what tim and sam had said earlier. ok, whatever you guys say, no matter how much money you are putting on the table or swapping below it, i can honestly say, NO WAY IT WILL HAPPEN. ee. just the thought makes me have goosebumps. yucks. but seriously, against my conscience, i can see it happening. oh no. talk about an overproductive imagination. i am actually laughing in unelegant glee. sinful sinful sinful.
anyway, econs teacher blew her top again. damn that lampshade. the more i look at her the more she looks like one. so i didn't do my assignment. so what? call my parents! duh. go on. and if she thinks i'm doing the other assignment due on monday, she is sorely mistaken. i didn't bring home my sodding monopolistic comp notes. what can she do? send me out of class? haha, she can't kick me out now. i think she expected me to fail.
and speaking of failing there's a napfa retest on monday. fc. i don't want to be there; i don't want to be in school on monday. period. fc fc fc. may pass 2.4 if irritating teacher isn't there nagging away, but definitely will not pass sbj. in sec 4, mrs hoo felt so sorry for me because i kept missing the passing mark by a number of cm that she just passed me on the spot. but however now vjc has spawned a great number of unsympathetic, square-jawed authoritarian pe teachers. let me announce this: no matter what i do, how much i train or how good my luck is, i will never ever pass standing broad jump. fc, period. no point telling me to keep trying. thank you.
have been esplanading about twice this week. and. some senior i lent my library card to chalked up about $3.60 worth of library fines. either this senior hates me greatly or is an absolute blur block. to tell the truth, have totally forgotten who it was. grr. pointless. anyway, have finally settled on streetcar, the day i went with ming and shar. after flipping through macbeth, which according to most people, has been "done to death", found streetcar. whee fun shit. try to imagine "inhuman voices on the wind".
and also, nicola and i have found harold pinter and oscar wilde. let's say there are things you would never have dreamed doing before. don't really like performing though. but whatever. let's face it, sooner or later we would have to do group. it's playing a pair of bitchy ladies (well, only one is bitchy and money-grubbing; the other is actually quite nice) versus two girls absurdly stuck in a basement watching notes dropping down from a chute in the wall.
of hats and teacups and long victorian gowns, of matchboxes and revolvers and distant noises of flushing toilets.

witch witch witch

2005-07-18T21:38:00.000+08:00

let me list down all the things today that made my day topsy-turvy:
1. morning. bus stopped at the bus stop. didn't see the bus because was stoning into the distance and imagining what econs tutor would say if i didn't hand up drq. anyway, dhs girl who lives at my stop suddenly started running towards bus. followed her and sure enough bus was there. WHAM. bus driver slammed bus doors shut in my face, just because i was like, 2s too slow. then he drove the bus up to the edge of the stop and opened the doors. idiot. had to run for the bus again.
2. attempting econs drq on bus. so bloody hardworking. and what do i get for that? (ok that comes later.) WHAM. bus jerks and papers fly. pencils roll and blood boils. accidentally jab year two vj guy standing in the aisle in the thigh with my pencil. left a nice grey scar on his uniform. score one for me. luckily for the guy it was just the thigh. actually thought guy was a VIPer until saw his file--04s4-something. whoops.
3. maths lecture. lecturer did not know how to turn on the air conditioning. useless woman. saw hundreds of people fanning themselves, and only thought of asking, ten minutes later, "is the aircon on?" like, no. hello. ok, she calls jancy. twenty minutes later, aircon still not turned on. then the lecture ends before aircon can be turned on.
4. econs lecture. disgusting. should have just cut it. was thinking all along we were changing topic. so thought, ok, might as well go just in case it is pat leong. guess who in the end? BASELCHAN. still basel chan. erm ok. boring nonsense. blabbering on and reading from the bloody notes. therefore, effectively wasted two periods sitting down, copying nothing and listening to sam snoring.
5. econs witch. that witch. my goodness, i love her. started off with her asking me for my drq. of course, told her i couldn't hand it in because it was done in pencil. like hello my pen flew away this morning when the bus jerked. ok that's an excuse. but anyway i didn't do part c. so ok. she glares at me. then she goes, "i want to call your parents! give me your father's number NOW!" and she's still not satisfied. whatever. so tempremental. she started comparing us with the great 04a55 who are all very good in econs/maths/attitude blahblahblahblahshit. i don't care. did she teach them? no. honestly. if so i wish i could be born a year earlier so i wouldn't get her as a tutor.
6. ponned third period pe again. tim and i seem to be on same grounds. econs witch threatens to call both our parents. we both are going to get caught by mr seet for not going for third period pe. whatever. watched floorball comp today, and ursa guys lost 2-5. hahaha. why am i not surprised. got that teeny unelegant guy with the too-big bib in the team.
7. guess what? when i got home, the witch had NOT called up my parents.
whatever. i'm not off my guard. she better not or i'll cut up her lampshade hairstyle.

nina of the seagull

2005-07-17T11:20:00.000+08:00

leave if you want. go on. i knew you never cared much. you're not needed anymore. how dare you. how could you.
you son of a b*tch.

anyway, a few days ago, we were discussing what would happen if mrs low had really gone to the office and taken out the forms, all thirteen of them, and thrust them in our faces. i said i would just laugh in her face, but now when i think back on it, probably not. i would probably end up getting myself expelled. lame shit. the same thing that my dad warned me against. at the beginning of the year he kept stressing to me not to get myself expelled from the college. hmm. no and i've not broken the law before. let's see, these are some of the things i have sacrificed:
1. premiership matches
2. soccer
3. my social life
4. my family life
5. my sleep
6. my money. like hello, is $8.10 so difficult to return for some aluminium foil, some scotchtape, some spray starch and some mahjong paper? lousy bureaucratic, autocratic, red-taped inefficient money-grubbers.
i think i'm not making much sense. this is probably because i spent most of last night with cats, trying to spot a particular girl in a particular church, who happens to be a particular person's girlfriend. yes, more lame shit.
i hate liars. especially people who lie in church. grr. haha.
have decided to make a list of the things i have to do.
return library books (i think the book where i found my monologue some months ago is among them). oh no oh no.
try to do econs assignment. if i can't, well it's ok, i tried, i can simply do the punishment essay she sets for me, in point form of course, with plenty of cutting and pasting from the notes. ok should stop deluding myself.
try to remember my pe shirt on monday. i have to really try.
buy a new pair of jeans because mother threw other pair away (apparently a great big hole opened up somewhere in them. i don't want to know where).

orange bowl

2005-07-13T17:53:00.000+08:00

another gm today. more scoldings. nag nag nag. felt quite bad for lofty when i saw how sad he was. or was he more exasperated? don't know. he had this expression like he didn't quite know what to do about us. and he looked quite frustrated. poor lofty. i think we are really puddings, so to speak. haha. on another note, quite enjoy being a pudding. can be saturated with information. like being apathetic.
conversation in pc class on monday.
pc teacher (PCT): was icarus just rebellious as meredith said? any other thoughts?
me: yes, he was stupid. STUPID. nobody asked him to fly so close to the sun and burn his own wings off.
PCT: (said something like she didn't believe me)
me: not only that, he was mentally retarded. he was a stupid ass.
PCT: how do you know? find evidence from the passage etc etc. how did you know he didn't go to school?
me: there were no schools in minos. (no really. can you imagine a school in the middle of a labyrinth? enclosed by the sea? with seagulls flapping and shitting around the classrooms? if daedalus can't afford to build a boat, do you think he can afford school fees? it's like hello hello!)
PCT: that point is invalid yadda yadda yadda
see? see why i'm not popular with teachers? oh, forgot to mention. skipped third period pe on monday. sure die tomorrow when mr seet asks for an excuse. always getting into trouble. and the morgan thing today. stupid morgan, hate morgan for being so anal. how dare he. annnoying.
today went back to sn with cheryl. met siao er, yuckin, yingyi, hilda and rina (who saw me from the bus window). and mr foo kwee horng. oh man. mr foo with his orange mickey mouse watch. hahaha.
suddenly had an idea for a ds today. something about a rapist. oh no. can't imagine myself doing a ds. but the idea is so screwed up. haha i'm going to laugh at myself now. hahahaha. oh no oh no. should stop thinking of such retarded things.
anyway i'm confirmed not changing my phone just yet. ee saw the siemens one today with the slidey function. nice nice. must wait until the old one stops working.

yes whatever

2005-07-11T20:38:00.000+08:00

somehow she managed to convince me. mrs low, i mean. yes, she said some stuff about starting anew. so yay. let's bid anal-ness farewell and hope it won't appear during our time, though i think it already has. hmm! so anyway. everyone seems very hyped up about the ises we have to do. bull. ehh. design design design for me. acting, never. nobody would want such a slack duo partner. hehehe can imagine asking someone to be my duopartner and the person saying, "er sorry, but you're too slack." will just burst out laughing. may end up doing duo with myself. eh is that possible? can play a schizophrenic.
ehh. today there was this neighbour who was chit-chatting with my dad. turns out she's the gossipy sort, and she discovered that lim yu beng and tan kheng hua live in our estate. like ooo. apparently someone saw them walking around with their daughter. and now it's all over the estate. poor lim family. they won't get any peace anymore. aiyah but it's not so bad as let's say if david beckham lived here.
am thinking of changing my phone. lousy piece of equipment, bah. keeps blacking out on me and telling me my inbox is full when i have like only two messages inside. super duper hilarious. shall get myself a flippey phone or a slidey phone once i amass enough money.
last night publicpee ended on a high note. but towards the end it got a little emo. ok. for a moment everyone seemed like very bonded and united. haha. we would have fooled everyone, wouldn't we? the thought of that rather amused me and i realised how detached i felt. even when handing out the roses to the seniors. i was like ok, anyone who doesn't have please raise your hand and i'll come because everyone was chionging at the seniors nearest to them. like, ok, how stone-hearted i am. i just said here you are and you're welcome. attitude, man.
today went suntec with sam, cheryl, serene and tim. bought a spicy salmon on a stick and when i lifted it up the whole thing fell on the floor. reminded me of that time i ate the tako pachi at taka with rina and co and accidentally dropped one of the ham and cheese balls. and this lady in heels stepped in it and screamed. like totally! so clumsy. and that time during aunt's birthday we were celebrating in some hotel in malaysia and this violinist knocked me with his elbow and my spaghetti just went all over the feet of this man standing in the dessert queue. and that time adeline was eating a three-scoop cookies and cream ice cream cone and she dropped the top two scoops. on herself. on her new skirt. that cost 60 dollars.
happy tree friends theme song is stuck in my head.

space of controversy

2005-07-10T10:38:00.000+08:00

publicpee is well underway.
and i have made my decision. i'm quitting. for good. it's funny, so laugh if you want. i'm not really needed in there. call it disillusionment. well, everyone, i shall just step down gracefully (if that is possible after my horrific fall outside day last night after setting up khairul's lights, where i felt my knee twisting at an awkward angle) and smile serenely at everyone. ironic, isn't it? how i misjudged and misinterpreted everything. and maybe, just maybe but i think most likely, i am very fixed on my ideals. (if any.) the first time it was because i was incompetent. now i'm weary of the requirements. somebody shoot me. it was a tough decision. oh, a world without responsibilities. spent most of friday night thinking about the consequences. hahaha. since when did i think so deeply. but after all:
1. it's pointless to continue. it's like desperate hope. after the earthquake ravishes your village, you build another one in its place knowing full well another earthquake is going to occur at the same spot in a few years' time. what an analogy. heh. but what i mean is, a vicious cycle. A messes with B and B screws C and C murders A. pointless. questionable. i know you're laughing now.
2. no brains, no expertise. nobody can tell the difference and nobody really cares why. ah, we're getting somewhere. no angst involved, mind you. abused, taken for granted. sad laughter. haha. maybe this is an angsty paragraph. i am redundant. repeat, redundant. nobody gives a damn about expensive equipment. i guess i'm not needed to run around like a headless chicken and jabber a constant buzzing stream of reminders and warnings then.
3. lack of support. i'm beginning to sound like a triumph advertisement. ok, change that to lack of cooperation. yadda. figure this one out yourself. no standards set from the start and i'm expected to know everything and everyone's expectations. sorry i don't. whee! i won't conform if there's no good reason to! yay yay yay!
if you don't understand what i'm talking about (it's frigging obvious, by the way), then just take it as my fault that i misjudged and tried to fit everything into a self-constructed mould. i have been trying to enforce conformity without first conforming myself. hence i admit my mistake. i have decided to grow up. next week i'm going to march in and say, "ok, i quit, fullstop." too bloody bad. not that it will cause a great impact anywhere.
i would like to learn to be responsible actually. so i think i'm doing everyone a favour by quitting. laugh again. i'm not slacking and i guess i'll miss my time there. but well. move on.
shall not be angsty and shall smile again. hahahaha. it doesn't feel good to quit, but at least it's the right thing to do if i want to be really useful.

efficiency!

2005-07-06T22:07:00.000+08:00

fifteen things in vjc that i want to forget:
1. the ikan bilis set
2. the girls' soccer team
3. the house committee interview
4. time during orientation when e***** stuffed sand down my shirt
5. the cheering during orientation
6. napfa test
7. the night when lofty threw our shoes in the mud and stomped around overturning things
8. how on the first day in school i couldn't wait to go home because orientation was shit boring
9. the soccer match against mjc
10. some ass who thinks he is the greatest brain in tsd zerofive and who is damn anal
11. any complaints about lighting equipment from grand-seniors who weren't even lights i/cs before, slap slap
12. the great number of posers in the college
13. the fuss about the clique in the first three months
14. the angel-mortal game; now i suddenly feel it's kind of stupid and i hope if next year we play it i get a girl angel again
15. that day where the nine of us sat at memory lane and everything ended from there.

fifteen things i want to remember about vjc:
1. 24 hours, day and night
2. cycling around the school at night on mr young's bike and watching marcus and priya bitching away
3. that night hanisah and sulas heard the night door opening
4. garden table bridge
5. last minute and our boulevard of broken dreams
6. the "helen" at kallang kfc and how she is a classic example of the LDMR (whatever that is) according to nicola
7. the snail race which number eight won
8. how we fooled somebody during gp's practical exam into stopping all the cars
9. billy bombers
10. life at nice eating places: thai express/ fish and co./ gelare/ pastamania
11. beatrice, the girl i tried to be for three minutes
12. mr happy
13. how to use the lights console and operate the lights board
9. musicfest 2005
10. five cats.

looking back on it, i realise i am extremely averse to cheering situations and naggy people. haha.

and then

2005-07-05T19:24:00.000+08:00

this morning on the bus there was a mini-commotion. when i got on, there was this big crowd jostling for space, people blocking the aisle, people sittling on aisle seats when their window seats were empty and refusing to move in etc, all the things that make a bus trip so characteristic. anyway. this guy who checks ezlink cards got on at my stop, and proceeded to plow his way through the bus, dislodging people where they hung peacefully on the overhead support straps in dreamland. as a result, he woke up a lot of people. and he reached this bowen girl who paid by coins and forgot to take her ticket stub. he lectured her soundly in an ah beng voice (people were still sleeping, whatever) and then he said stuff like, "this time let you off ah..." after scolding her for like ten minutes. then he chastised some girl (i think clarissa) for putting stickers on her ezlink. and then he started shouting to people to "move all the way in" when they boarded. and best of all, he was the one standing in the aisle and blocking people. and he waved his arms like a conductor and went, "i'm sure all of you don't want to be late for school and work ah!" like he was some public saint. then he charged down the aisle and started flailing about like a traffic policeman, bellowing, "move in!" and gesturing obnoxiously to innocent people who were just trying to edge past him. and then he shouted, very loudly for the whole bus to hear, "MOVE IN, ESPECIALLY THOSE STUDENTS STUDYING AT VICTORIA JUNIOR COLLEGE!!!!!!!"
ahem. how dare he. i bet he was the one who complained to our school about how our students were behaving badly in public. and you know how many vj people take 55 in the mornings? like around 30. slap slap slap his face. defaming our school name. and marcus was sitting in front and he heard it too.
today was a tiring day. even though it's supposed to be our slackest day. whatever. very sleepy during pw meeting today. and then later i heard yeek calling junyi a "hottie". like erm. laughed a bit and felt less tired after that. then kar mun started suanning junyi. she told him very cattily to shut his mouth after he started saying something equally catty about the maths paper, something along the lines of "hwei san got this question correct? wah-LAO-eh!" laughed a bit more at that, because it was funny to see him rendered a bit speechless. then sulas asked me to massage her scalp and i didn't know how to. hahahaha. useless.
apparently on the nights of public performance, we need ushers, traffic controllers (what the hell) and shut-up crew. huh. sulas said she cannot be a traffic controller, just in case she puts the sign "forward, please" on a wall or something. must laugh. ahahaha.

glory land

2005-07-03T14:31:00.000+08:00

i've a home in sng that outshines the sun
way beyond the moon
-glory land
last time i sang this was at last year's farewell party. not forgetting the cheer:
sin90 sin90 yoyoyo
cos0 cos0 yeahyeahyeah
1 square 1 square 1 square square
1 cube 1 cube 1 cube cube
3-2, 2-1
stnix stnix number one
oh man. so lame. LAME. but it's quite a funny cheer. haha. considering we thought of it in 2 minutes.
heh heh, cousin just moved out of her flat. spent the whole of this morning and last night going through her stuff there. nightmare. but yay. she left me the meet the parents and meet the fockers dvds, along with a norah jones cd (?) and some star wars stuff. because she's moving to the u.s. of a. hah. oh well. i can bid farewell to her toddlers.
ok, to all those people who tagged my board:
nicola: haha! what's with all the bimbo stuff! i want to see those earrings!
yeek: hot guys? i'm sure have lah... it's just that i never saw any the last time i was there. and yes, i'll see you at the miss world pageant flashing the peace sign some years from now!
serene and steph: had fun! see you guys on tuesday! love.
oh. anyway. last night i was flipping through the channels after watching the wimbledon, and i stumbled upon mtv's non-stop hits. yes at 1am. normally mtv's non-stop hits play one good song that makes you want to continue watching, and then they play a few lousy songs. but last night they played several good songs in a row. check it out. good charlotte's we believe, the bravery's an honest mistake, rooster's staring at the sun, coldplay's speed of sound, lifehouse's you and me, my chemical romance's helena, the white stripes' blue orchid, and last but not least, blink-182's always! such a lovely lovely retro-ish but not quite retro-ish song. rekindled my love for blink-182.
and then parents went out at 1.30 am to buy petrol (what a weird time, but anyway) and were back at 2am with huge tub of haagen-dazs strawberry ice cream. hahaha. lately my parents have been very nice. hmm. mother is excited about trip to bangkok with her girlfriends. father is getting a new laptop from his bosses so he may leave me the old one. not that bad either, a tablet.
doom is around the corner. ugh. i don't want public performance. it'll be fine if my group wasn't performing. anyway, we have now got to fit 120-150 people into the space at the science block where group is performing. headache. 20 people is already bad enough, let alone 120. cannot let them interfere with the set. forget it. i'll just close my eyes and look away when the ushers start saying, "sorry, the space is full..."

mr happy

2005-07-02T12:25:00.000+08:00

woke up this morning from two very disturbing dreams. one was about how i left a cup of instant duck rice porridge in my closet for some reason and forgot about it. and when i opened my closet some years later i found this stinky cup with all these sediments and mosquito larvae in it, even worse than the last time we were at the downtown east chalet and someone had left a whole bag of chicken wings under the drippy aircon for a couple of weeks. the smell. oh no. the second dream... well, just plain disconcerting. forget it.
anyway, exams are over now. public performance is next week. not looking forward to it. so not. stress and more stress. even though i'm not in the committee that deals with tickets and ushering and stuff i have this feeling i'm going to be continuously hounded for trivial items like Gels. well actually it's my fault; i brought it upon myself. so can't complain. i just want to go there, crew, bump in and out successfully and not screw up. no stress. actually, there's no such thing. HAHAHA. who am i kidding. freak. so depressing.
i want to take that black giordano shirt they made all of us buy for tsd and draw all over it with fabric paints.
saw some familiar faces yesterday when celebrating tim's birthday. sihui at orchard mrt, lewina at wisma and the bunch of red batchers at the pool place, including that netballer what's-her-name who looks like a guy and always plays the piano at the forum during recess. and the other girl who had a lot of girlfriends was also there playing pool. anyway, tim liked his presents (i hope lah).
the barbeque was well, not really a barbeque because the food looked like it was pre-cooked. but whatever, it was good. and we spent half the time eating in total darkness, using handphone lights to brighten up our plates and trying to differentiate between mushrooms and peppers. and then cheryl dropped her necklace. frenzy to find it, until finally we realised her necklace had fallen down somewhere else.
and then the issue of religion surfaced when we were walking back along the footpath in the aftermath. serene related the story where her group where the seniors were all christians were praying together and hanisah got mad at their blatant insensitivity. reminds me of that time i went to april's church and the worshippers started jumping up and down to hymns and grabbing my arms and telling me i was going to be "saved" if i jumped up and down with them and extolled the virtues of the saviour in song. and how that senior girl offered to pray for me and put her hand on my head and started speaking very seriously in prayer. and every phrase she and the others spoke, even out of church, was peppered with phrases about God. like, "i'm going swimming with my friends later; maybe god will see to it that we have fair weather." huh. maybe i'm reading too deeply into it. as far as i know i think junyi and serene agree with me.
out of all their cds, the only artiste i recognised was COLDPLAY.

swim in the sea

2005-06-30T22:43:00.000+08:00

i shall not think about next thursday, friday and saturday where i will most likely be slogging my ass off putting up the ikan bilis set, which SOME PEOPLE JUST COMPLETELY DISMANTLED TWO DAYS AGO. oh man. thanks. thanks so much to the person who relayed these insane instructions to ming who relayed them to us. evil evil.
instead i shall focus my thoughts on tomorrow, where we can barbeque happily together and play cards along the beach and maybe swim in the sea and take photos of each other. haha.
shall not talk any more about doomed midyears. this is the first time i can imagine myself failing everything.
today we went to bugis after the exams were over. and we shopped for some kinky stuff for tim's birthday. i just realised. i saw a pair of slippers today i like. i don't know, maybe an inborn fetish for slippers. haha. have bought three pairs of slippers in total this year, one pair from dollarvalue at parkway out of neccessity when it rained when serene and talia and i were on the way to esplanade library, one op pair i bought with nicola and the laceups. only today my slow brain couldn't exactly process the memory. haha. straw-soled slippers; yisha has a similar pair. very nice. haha. oh man. i'm going mad.
and. suddenly just realised something else. the other day when we were at the airport, cheryl, steph and i left junyi and went to the foodcourt. and there was this gross guy in an sia staff uniform sitting at the adjoining table, talking loudly about some obnoxious stuff. today i saw the very same guy on the mrt on the way home. the train skidded to a stop, a woman slipped and stumbled, and the gross guy, who was standing beside me, sniggered at her. meanie. i got a shock when i saw. obnoxious.
today i practically had the whole bus to myself in the morning. very ultra cool. because i realised the vjc people who take same bus as me in the morning all don't take lit. except for the two china guys in f maths who were on the bus, no other vj people around. yay haha. empty bus. more freedom of choice where to sit.
dad had a surprise in mind. he wanted to jet us away to bangkok over the weekend, because monday's a school holiday. so nice. but then he remembered the management was pestering him to change the window rivets and he couldn't change the date the workmen were to arrive. sad case. i don't mind going. hah. never mind. he fully intends to jet us away to bintan sometime. bintan, the land of boardshorts and sexy southwestern european ladies in bikinis. whee, can't wait.

i will cry

2005-06-28T21:00:00.000+08:00

when i open up my maths paper tomorrow. that's definite. i can't even do the past-year's questions without continuous flipping to check the answers. i can safely say that i'm screwed. but anyway, on the bright side, at least econs and gp are over. up to now, i still don't know what an application question is.
varied responses to my hair from some fellow students:
steph just laughed and laughed.
sulas tried to touch it.
sam asked, "why didn't you cut like mine?"
somebody mistook me for sherene.
meredith jumped up and down.
cheryl looked elegant.
christine said she wasn't used to the way i looked.
somebody thought i was a guy (like ehem, ok) from the back.
nicola complained about her own hair. (which wasn't bad at all.)
talia and i pointed at each other at the same time and laughed, because we had both cut our hair.
serene looked quite shocked (more shocked than i'd expected her to look).
somebody (shall not mention who) touched it and went, "hey... you cut your hair..." ooh. can imagine some cats rolling their eyes.
junyi gave his cookie monst face.
yeek stared at me as though he had suddenly forgotten who i was.
and of course, our most appalling reaction of the day: a glass-shattering, polysyllabic noise made by ling that made everyone else in the vicinity look at her in mild amusement.
bused home with yisha and sulas yesterday. the bus was crowded full of people from our school. gross, because we had no place to sit and barely enough space to stand in. next time, shall wait a reasonable amount of time before walking to bus stop. the usual people i see every morning were on the bus. the science girl with the long hair and the tote bag who's some senior's friend, the two china guys in f maths, the tall hockey girl, my ogl, sharon's brother minus sharon, this arts girl with short hair who lives around eunos link, the hockey guy without hair, this science debator, the nerd who wears his blue op backpack high up complete with pink dolphin waterbottle, the science guy with the mohawk and a lot of facial hair, the tall indian scholar, the obnoxious dhs guy who hates tsd, the soccer guy who always reads plath in the mornings, this guy with a fringe and thick specs who snores like a foghorn at 7am, the clumsy guitar club guy, the dhs girl who lives near my stop, the ij girl, the guy with pale skin who zoomed all the way to the bus stop one morning, the kayak girl with the pink hairband and the harmoc guy who's always whining to his sleepy-looking friend about homework. hah. see. can remember all of them. haha. one day i shall write a book about them and become famous.

trimming the hedges

2005-06-26T19:26:00.000+08:00

now. let me list down all the fantastic stunts my hair can do, now that's it's been cut.
1. the "durian". oo this makes me look like half the esplanade.
2. the "2002 beckham fin", the one he wore during the world cup. it's a bit on the long side for this. but anyway. shall not wear this to school. looks slightly stunted.
3. the "poof". need i explain? everything just poofs out from my scalp if i use a hairbrush.
4. the "rooster". i think this one is self-explanatory; if you want a better idea go flip some japanese manga comic and superimpose my face under the character's hair.
5. the "wolverine". shall never, ever appear in public like this. never. refer to x-men the movie for some idea of what it is.
6. the "tsunami", one big wave, with little ruins of washed-away buildings sticking up.
7. the "mop", something like my primary school hairstyle.
i swear, this is fun.
tomorrow is econs and gp. good luck, everyone, whether you've studied or not. i'm sure i'll start crying once i come to the essay questions. that is, if i haven't started crying at the mcq. haha. can't wait for thursday to be over.
have just realised that i have an incredibly nosey and gossipy family. first time that cousin had a girlfriend (i think he was sec school), my aunts sat around and gossipped about her to no end, talking about her faults and shortcomings until they eventually broke up. second cousin's boyfriend was also gossip fodder because he was an indian and she, a chinese. unsurprisingly they soon broke up. even now both cousins are married to other people, my family still keeps talking behind their backs. ok sometimes it is amusing. but after a while it's boring and predictable. if i ever get involved in such conversations with my aunts again i shall just politely switch off. like in econs lecture. politely press the "off" switch and enter "shutdown mode".
watched star wars again. oh no oh no. grades will suffer.

yay

2005-06-24T21:10:00.000+08:00

finally. after seven long months of deliberation, i have changed my hairstyle.
mother got a shock when she saw the hair. she says i look like someone off the cast of initial d.
now there's nothing to tie. nothing to french braid. wowee. my head feels quite naked actually. haha. not bad. quite like the way it looks except when the gel gives way. i must admit, it's a wonderful cooling sensation; the wind against your bare scalp. now i know how those army guys feel. except of course, that my hair is longer than that.
so anyway, today i was in watson's, buying a jar of hair clay as recommended by the hairdresser. then, as i was paying, i saw this fat middle-aged guy with a paunch looking around furtively at the condom display. being the sneaky kaypoh that i am, i hid behind a pillar and watched him. he just hung back, waiting for the queue to disappear, then he went to the salesgirl and bought two packets. i noted: strawberry and ridged. hmm. kinky.
then, i got dragged off to mango sale by my mother. she was under the impression that she was going to buy me a skirt. ok, clothes at mango were going at up to 70% off, so of course there was this wild crowd there of young working women and aunties caught in their second childhoods. so ok. in the end my mother just saw the crowd and decided that shopping wasn't a good idea. yay. luckily. or i'd have to explain to her that i'm not the skirt-wearing type.
well, regarding the photos of my primary school days... i've just decided to bring them on monday and see what happens. haha, actually, cheryl, you shouldn't worry. some other people look equally unflattering. and me with the pink barbie doll haversack. where did i ever get one of those, only god knows. can't remember. lion king haversack, yes. pink barbie doll haversack, no. terrible. this is a crisis. i have the feeling i was carrying the bag against my own free will. luckily, i wasn't carrying it that high or snug against the shoulder blades. thank goodness.
joke of the week. steph asking cheryl, " i've heard of this male singer. but what does he look like?"
cheryl responding, "... he's like, a man..."
hahahaha. ok lame shit.
suddenly feel like diving into the sea at east coast.

all the benefits

2005-06-23T23:04:00.000+08:00

things to tell tsd juniors (when the time comes):
1. to respect the space, yada yada
2. that it is fine to have cliques within a batch; just don't go around lying that the batch is bonded and very close
3. that their help is greatly appreciated
4. remember: even as you are bitching about somebody that same person may be bitching behind your back
5. sundays are the worst days to come to school just to bump in a few props, so don't come unless you have a lot of slots on
6. gels, being gels, will always be liable to go "Missing", so please take good care of them, especially the purple ones etc
7. to realise that everyone is entitled to basic respect (hmm haha!)
8. card-playing is allowed in 24 hours. (i have a feeling some people are going to be unhappy about this but trust me, once the novelty wears off... )
9. if you can't dance, don't sign up for an is which involves dancing, unless you want to be the lights/sound person, in which case be prepared to be treated like a piece of the furniture until your cue for crossfade comes in
10. please attend the lights workshop or you'll be sorry (kai will kick your ass to the lights boot camp)
11. if you want to hear about senior-junior scandals in our batch, sorry, there're none
12. if you see cockroaches in the costume room, please clear them out
13. don't anger the toilet auntie
14. keep empty snapple bottles around, just in case of emergencies, like the toilet auntie deciding to wage her war against us by locking all the toilets in the school
15. relax, shut-up crewing is just for one year
16. don't brush your teeth in the sink at the garden tables.
heh. catty list. i'm defaming the toilet auntie. sorry, toilet auntie.
i'm scared my hair will turn out bonkers. let me pray for the best. in the meantime, goodbye to my current hairstyle.
yeek, thanks to you i'm not putting up constant reminders of how many more days it is to the exam, but i can safely say that the weekend is coming, meaning school is starting soon. haha. maybe that can buy you a bit of time (from a psychological perspective).

oh, what an ungodly hour

2005-06-22T01:24:00.000+08:00

was taking a break from mugging a few days ago, one of my numerous breaks, when i stumbled upon a stack of old photographs from my primary school days. i was like, good grief. so many memories. the ghostbusters' club. sum kar mun with her short, china-doll hairstyle. lynn tan with her dorky red fila waterbottle. joanna fong opening a bag of chips. jean hsieh and her two little ponytails. clare ryan and natalie khoo doing cheerleading stunts. gwen sim holding a waterbottle and shouting, "it's a squirting dildo!" fort canning park excursion, and yet more photos with cheryl cai posing next to a historic war memorial sculpture, sticking out her tongue in a highly unelegant manner. oh man. must upload the entire album via scanner. once midyears are over. haha.
am no longer addicted to hardwood hearts. no. have found a new addiction. hardwood spades. bloody good fun. i never realised spades could be so fun, haha. shall try and infect my classmates with the spade disease. whether or not i'm successful, only time will tell. hmm, if most people in the college can play bridge, then about half of those can play hearts, and only five per cent play spades. haha, just estimating. well, i sound dumb. ok, moving on.
anyway. on monday, when becky and i were supposed to be studying, she for her block tests and me for my midyears, we grew bored and succumbed to the lure of mr and mrs smith. hur hur. actually spent quite a lot of time debating between batman (me) and ice princess (her). so, mr and mrs smith it was. after that we went to the esplanade to walk around and ended up in the library. which has this amazing studio-like area where all the books and videos on dance, like swan lake etc are kept. yes i'm swaku. but anyway. parquet studio flooring, and a big, empty space with powerpoints for laptops and a grand-looking balcony. super artsy-fartsy. they should do the same for the section on theatre books. otherwise it'll just be this boring row of shelves. haha, but maybe it's just my way of thinking.
and i now have two more days to live with my current hairstyle, before it all goes under the shears on friday. well. if i doesn't end up looking as planned i'm going to go to school on monday early, wearing a cap, force mr young to open the tsd room and go straight to the costume room to take the ghastly woman wig. and i'll wear it for my first paper. econs, i think. perfect. boys and girls, what's the opportunity cost of spending twenty dollars on a haircut that turns out a nightmare? oh no.
it's just a hypothetical situation. hopefully, i won't have to resort to such measures if jonathan the hairdresser doesn't screw up. i will hire a lawyer and sue him senseless and remove all his financial assets.

"art is a lie; a lie to make us realise the truth."

2005-06-20T20:18:00.000+08:00

how true that is. in that case, we are all living lies for the sake of reality.

deleted

2005-06-18T23:28:00.000+08:00

had this dream where someone deleted my entire phonebook. it was really scary, because i remember wanting to make a call, then i realised all the names had been removed from my phone's memory banks. horrors, complete nightmare. all the names of my secondary school friends--gone. the names of my jc friends/tsd-mates--gone. my parents' numbers--gone. maybe it's a manifestation of my phone's obsolete-ness onto my subconscious.
today was supposed to sleep late, but then remembered had a dental. so, braces are coming off next month. about five weeks' time. ooh la la. yay. no. can't say i'm happy. quite like my braces. they've been with me since sec 2.
later went shopping with eileen and my mum. now have a new pair of slippers (cheaply too) from projectshop. the lace-up kind, like one of the tsd seniors has. very very nice. except dad says they would look best with a skirt. pity, i'm not the skirt-wearing kind. if i wear a skirt i may end up looking like athena, something i don't want to happen, because athena was reportedly androgynous in a bad sense. meaning she had a man's body. well sort of. TRAUMATISING. whoops. if i saw a guy wearing an athena costume i may just puke blood and die. or i may end up gouging out my own eyeballs, depending on how bad it looks.
shit, troublesome cousin is throwing birthday party for toddlers tomorrow. may have to tear myself away from econs to attend. hmm, i don't know what's worse, studying econs or being surrounded by bunch of screaming kids trying to shimmy up your legs, especially if you're holding packets of marks and spencer chocolate. apparently cousin is hiring some woman entertainer who's going to dress like spiderwoman to entertain the little human beings. spiderwoman?! ok, spell kinky with a capital K. i don't know what she (cousin) is thinking. kid's birthday celebration or stag night? suddenly don't mind attending, just to see what spiderwoman looks like. also to kope free food. imagine cheesy tagline: "come baby, be entangled in me". hah.
oh yes, today went to toys-r-us. surprisingly, found dad's father's day present there. also saw star wars limited edition collector's items-slash-action figures. cool crap. anakin skywalker doll, complete with mini lightsaber, darth vader armour (for you to fit yourself) and get this (ultra-kinky): removable clothes. it must be really sad being a doll. was observing little angmoh boy removing the clothes off the doll with gusto. oh no. just luckily the doll is inanimate and cannot experience the trauma of violation.

re-organisation

2005-06-17T12:18:00.000+08:00

You scored as True Neutral. A True Neutral person has two faces- either these people are merely apathetic, preferring to focus their minds on more important things, or these people truly believe in a balance of all things. To these people, there can be no light without some darkness. These people also have no dedication to, or intrinsic distrust of, laws.

True Neutral

75%

Lawful Good

65%

Neutral Good

65%

Lawful Evil

65%

Chaotic Good

55%

Neutral Evil

55%

Chaotic Neutral

50%

Chaotic Evil

50%

Lawful Neutral

30%

What is your Alignment?
created with QuizFarm.com

it's time for a little re-organisation. i need control of my life. right now, i feel my life spiralling away merrily, slipping through my fingers, and i have no idea where i'm going to be in one year and five-and-a half months' time.
kind of a happy thought, isn't it? and luckily i realised just in time that i've been slacking too much.
so. by the age of 18, i pledge to:
1. throw out all my sec 4 physics/chemistry notes and other redundant nonsense around my living space, such as my primary school chinese textbooks
2. keep this blog alive
3. have spiked my hair (which i haven't done yet, because my mother just discovered the art of french braiding, and guess who's the guinea pig?)
4. have watched at least one M18 movie (kill bill.)
5. have created at least one piece of theatre that meets the minimum requirements of a-level standard
6. watch all six episodes of star wars in a row, without hiatus, stopping occasionally to make trips to the fridge/toilet
7. wear the college uniform with pride (urgh), because i only have seventeen plus months left to wear a school uniform
8. not let anyone burn any holes in the lights board
9. get a new phone that can actually receive and send messages when i want it to, not as and when it feels like it
10. beat my coach in all rallies. or, as many rallies as i can manage.
my life for the next sixteen months, all mapped out here. well. it's not that bad. it's manageable. oh yes, forgot to include, getting at least an E for econs for a-levels.
haha. my goodness. so organised. sounds so unlike me.
as of today, june the seventeenth, we have officially ten more days to our first paper.

the art of french braiding

2005-06-16T12:44:00.000+08:00

The Reaper

Behold her, single in the field,
Yon solitary Highland Lass!
Reaping and singing by herself;
Stop here, or gently pass!
Alone she cuts and binds the grain,
And sings a melancholy strain;
O listen! for the vale profound
Is overflowing with the sound.

No nightingale did ever chaunt
More welcome notes to weary bands
Of travellers in some shady haunt,
Among Arabian sands:
A voice so thrilling ne'er was heard
In spring-time from the cuckoo-bird
Breaking the silence of the seas
Among the farthest Hebrides.

Will no one tell me what she sings?
Perhaps the plaintive numbers flow
For old, unhappy, far-off things,
And battles long ago:
Or is it some more humble lay,
Familiar matter of today?
Some natural sorrow, loss, or pain,
That has been, and may be again!

Whate'er the theme, the maiden sang
As if her song could have no ending;
I saw her singing at her work,
And o'er the sickle bending;
I listened, motionless and still;
And as I mounted up the hill
The music in my heart I bore,
Long after it was heard no more.

-William Wordsworth

lovely poem. dedicating to all mugging for mid-years. hang in there and get a for every subject! haha.
as of today, june the sixteenth, we have officially eleven more days to our first paper.

early retirement

2005-06-14T19:03:00.000+08:00

forgot to mention this. a few nights ago, lynn called me. she asked me how i was, told me she was at rjc, relived some dirty-minded sec one memories with me, blah blah blah, and then she asked, "so, i heard there's this j2 couple in your school, who got engaged this year on valentine's day, when the guy proposed to the girl in the lecture theatre; is it true?"
ohh. ahh. not that i'm well-versed in this particular subject matter. but i did ask her how she knew and how many people in her school knew. and i did confirm with her the credibility of the rumour. turns out half the science faculty at raffles knows it. and she heard it from a tjc person who heard it from an mjc person or something. so the whole world knows about vjc's stuff. like the inside story on the ahem, "little conflict" last time was also transmitted to various jcs around the nation.
mild amusement. i wonder if it may make headlines on the economist if the story gets popular enough.
goodness. not everybody in our school knows the "engaged couple" story, but almost everybody outside our school seems to know it.
anyway, today i received a message telling me i got kicked out of soccer. this time, it was not because i was inadequate, couldn't kick the ball properly, fell behind in 3.2km or anything like that. why? because my attendance was irregular. haha. really laughable. i don't quite mind actually, quite fun being cca-less. i know many others from tsd zerofive are also cca-less. haha we should set up our own cca. gate-climbers soc. (GCS). not a bad idea. i already have anti-guy club (AGC).
ok. anyway, to update about tsd cleanup today. fantastic, plenty of things discovered that i didn't even know existed. like the incense burner, the bunch of wooden crates, the box of dried leaves, somebody's abandoned birthday presents, white candles, the dumbwaiter, the bottle of surbex-c and the bottle of shiraz. oh goodness. cockroach food, the whole lot of it. (except maybe the shiraz.) anyway, the place looks wonderfully clean now. and i managed to find the missing gel-holders. and kai wrote out a list of rules on how to handle lights and how to spell "fresnels". today, sadly, only ten people turned up, to witness the entire treasure trove of dirty clothes and creaking props being forcefully dug up from the stinking bowels of the props alley.

it's time to get a new phone

2005-06-13T12:09:00.000+08:00

You scored as Existentialist. Existentialism emphasizes human capability. There is no greater power interfering with life and thus it is up to us to make things happen. Sometimes considered a negative and depressing world view, your optimism towards human accomplishment is immense. Man is condemned to be free and must accept the responsibility.

Existentialist

88%

Postmodernist

81%

Modernist

75%

Materialist

69%

Idealist

63%

Cultural Creative

50%

Romanticist

38%

Fundamentalist

25%

What is Your World View?
created with QuizFarm.com

phone broke down, i think for the last time. it happened last night while i was watching star wars. i tried to turn it on and nothing happened. the funeral of my phone. any messages sent last night or this morning to me would obviously, not have been received, so if there's anything important, like a function i have to attend, please write it on my tagboard.
then again, i might be able to revive it. maybe the battery just died. i think i have a spare one somewhere.
yesterday i finally managed to beat my coach in a rally, after one year of training. my goodness. pathetic. i had been losing rallies to him, until yesterday. yay. so accomplished. 7-5. tough shit.

feelgoodinc.

2005-06-11T20:44:00.000+08:00

should really really start mugging. the problem is there are so many distractions. i downloaded the hardwood version of hearts, which has all these super cool graphics and player personalities and functions and sound effects. (of course, i'm assuming these features can actually run on my pathetic computer.) and i can't stop playing. i can play for an entire day. damn.
today i met se, yq, bobo, rina, jh and xian. was nice seeing them again after being separated for so many months. while yq and se have decidedly become more feminine--yq had even specially donned a pair of HEELS for the occasion (like whoa chio, man), the rest hadn't changed much. jh said i lost weight, which is something i attribute to tsd and soccer, though i go for trainings fairly irregularly. mostly we sat around and talked about laocai, who got fired from vs quite long ago, and peanut and seah.
come to think of it, maybe laocai wasn't fired from vs. maybe she resigned because she couldn't take the crap the little irritants were dishing out on her. well anyway maybe she expected a girls' school to be less stressful. hahaha. maybe, in a way, but then she realised 2L was not exactly the most well-behaved class around. i still find her amusing, the way she used to make people stand in corners for banging tables.
today i went back to school to collect my econs and maths tys-es from my locker. and i realised how quiet the school is. especially how quiet the tsd room is now. the black staircase, the platform with our haphazard wood supportings, the rocking chair, the cross, the slimy fish tank and all the crazy props are in their usual places. it's weird because you would expect somebody to be in for slots. there's no slotsheet on the clinic door. the next time a slotsheet is up will be when our duos/ises start, and then it'll be filled with our names. thirty-nine people, fighting for slot times. thirty-nine people sharing a space together, living and breathing each other, without supervision from seniors or pestering from juniors.
we'll have the studio to ourselves. 24hours, day, night, the ava all to ourselves. the teachers to ourselves. thirty-nine people sharing a box of coloured gels. hopefully instead of duos, they'll opt for trios.
i need to sort out my life. maybe theatre is perhaps, an idealism. it's not practical as a career if i'm looking to feed myself. i'm already a quarter through jc. i'll starve if i decide to devote myself to theatre for a lifetime. it feels meaningless: creating a wonderful piece of theatre for your a-levels and then going out into the working world, proud of your achievements in theatre, then finding out that no one really cares about the arts. it's absurd. absurd to the most extreme point of absurdity.
~~let me live in my ideals now. i'll create reality when the time comes.~~

unrequited

2005-06-10T15:57:00.000+08:00

Orange is your Lightsaber color.

Orange represents energy and enthusiasm. It also
symbolizes strength and endurance. People with
orange lightsabers are curious about life, and
the world around them. Fascination catches them
at every turn, and they are creative enough to
understand life's potential.

What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

have immense trouble pronouncing that word. unrequited. is it "un-ree-quit-ed" or "un-ree-kwai-ted"? this is highly distressing. i may be fairly competent at writing but my vocal power is diminishing. i seem to have lost the ability to speak properly. i can so imagine doing acting as an is next year. i will be slurring through all the words, drenching the studio floor in a sea of saliva. i just dawned on the realisation the other day while reciting my sm speech to mr pym. i feel like crying, haha. would somebody please tell me the correct pronunciation of "unrequited". i think i need to attend speech class.
rebel assault cannot load on my computer. i'm so sick of my computer. it can't load rebel assault. it can't even load the championship manager spoof i got for ten dollars. it can't handle msn. it's got these funny grey lines running across the screen that refuse to go away. it can't run iTunes. it can't take limewire/kazaa. even microsoft word now takes 10 minutes to start up. even after countless rounds of defragmentation/hardrive cleansing/prayers, it is still slow as ever. this is stupid. maybe i should get a new computer over the samurai pants. my goodness, can't wait. i have a feeling the screen's just going to black out one of these days, while i'm sitting here on the internet.
hmm. can't seem to be able to start studying. don't feel the need to motivate myself. don't know what's worse, chaucer or hughes. am just lazy and apathetic. i'm aiming for eeeo, the o being econs of course.

that seemed like a long time ago

2005-06-09T20:22:00.000+08:00

while i'm fairly pleased that the seniors' a-levels are over, i'm sickened by the amount of shit we have to study for mid-years. at this point i'm really considering dropping econs for good. horrible horrible econs.
today there was really no special need for me to report to school at all, since i wasn't crewing for anyone today. but i had to sort out the gels and examiners' lights, and when i arrived at 8am on the dot i realised only one person needed me to take the gels for the exam. as for the others, they had no use of gels. appalling. i had come to school early for nothing, basically. well i was thinking of helping people do make-up and all, but then i got carried away by a couple of rounds of hearts. so i didn't get to draw all over people's faces. haha. just as well, or they would probably all shit in their pants after they see their faces in the mirror.
anyway. if you ask me i think all the pieces i crewed for went well. will really miss working with some of the fellow juniors. although in four out of five ises i was engaged in some healthy fresnel-bonding sessions. not to mention uv light-bonding sessions. hahaha.
refuse to be a victim of the shootshagmarry game. bah it's funny though.
have finally decided to fulfill a wish i have made since secondary school (yes i think many of my sec school friends have remembered me saying this). i have decided to spike my hair. like wow. after three plus years of having the same hairstyle i have decided to opt for a different one. and before you snigger, i'm not a butch. no way. haha. ok. shall get it spiked before i forget. it will be spiky.
hanisah, marcus and i were talking some time ago. and i realised that i actually can tell who's inside the studio if i see the shoes outside first. i swear i'm getting good at this. haha and i know who in tsd has the biggest feet (oh traumatising! phallic!) and who has the smallest. haha test me, man. it's a useful skill. you see who's inside the studio before you enter.
the other day somebody let out a huge fart in 24hours. i was sitting outside, when the costume designers inside suddenly started throwing open the doors and running outside to take deep breaths of fresh air. whoever it was, the person who farted refused to own up. and the next day, there was this unwashed smell in the tsd room, like someone had forgotten to bathe in the past 24 hours. or like someone had not washed his/her clothes. actually now i don't think it came from a particular person. it just hung around in general. maybe it was the superglue fumes. whatever. if you fart next time and it stinks, please have the grace and humility to own up and not deny it shamelessly. like what practically the whole world was doing, being thick-skinned as usual.

the fathers eat sour grapes and the children's teeth are set on edge

2005-06-05T16:47:00.000+08:00

yesterday i was all alone in the ltava by myself, in the dark. it happened when i went to search for the missing box of "cool" gels after sunil's slot, which was over at 7.45pm. i was rummaging around behind the stage, by myself, with the house lights on, when suddenly they snapped off and i was left standing there in total darkness. i swear, i had no idea who turned them off. so for a while i just stood there, trying to get my bearings just in case i fell down the stairs and broke my neck. the air conditioning was making weird noises and i wondered why the person who switched off the ava lights never switched the air-con off. it's common sense, right? eventually i managed to find the doorknob after a lot of groping around.
now i know how oedipus rex must have felt after his eyes were gouged out. he was probably groping around aimlessly and i daresay he might have groped a fair amount of innocent women, albeit innocently, in the process. oh, dearie me. hahaha.
i don't ever want to be blind. i don't think i would be able to survive. deaf, maybe. but definitely not blind. you'd never know who's sneaking up on you.
yesterday steph and i found this baby bird drowing in the canteen sink. it was only after failed attempts to return it to its parents that we brought it back to the tsd room, presumably to "dry off" under the air con. until somebody (marcus, i think) noticed a couple of red ants wedged up its arse. every time we tried yanking the ants out with a hairpin the bird (hereby christened "icarus" by me and nicola) flapped its wings and squeaked in pain. poor little bastard. poor icarus. by the time we were done many of his feathers were gone since he had struggled too much during the surgery.
i am beginning to suspect a poltergeist prescence around the tsd room. every time we put something in one place, the next minute it's in another region of the studio. for example, the examiners' chairs. one minute they were in the garden, supporting the weight of the teachers. the next minute they were floating around the tsd room, being used as places for people to sit and do homework. someone moved them to the shed, the big one beside the rubbish dump, and within two days they were sitting in 24 hours again, looking totally pompous. now they're under the stairs.
ridiculous. and not counting that thick volume of chekhov plays, which has mysteriously moved on invisible legs from memory lane to under the stairs to the first drawer of the brown desk to the second drawer of the designers' table. it's amusing. if it's like this all the time i'd certainly want the props to bump in and out of the studios on their own.

teaching nicola to ride a bike

2005-06-04T08:37:00.000+08:00

was something (almost) accomplished by me, steph, meredith, serene, makoto, yeekuang, darrel, gen and hanisah yesterday and the day before.
yesterday i played a mean trick on someone. but that was only to get back at what he did to me/others before. a bit of harmless nonsense, because he could have been run down by cars. what the hell. he survived. but he deserves it for being such a weirdo. for shouting at girls and threatening girls. ughh. disgusting chauvinistic bastard.
and that reminds me of something else. this is the total number of people whose masculinity (if any) i have almost ruined since coming to vjc: 4.
well. anti-guy-ism stands strong. first, i waggled a scissors at marcus.
second, my foot accidentally hit esmonde's crotch when i wanted to fake-kick him. (now here i would like to apologise sincerely. sorry, esmonde. really.)
third. the whole rehearsal for monologues. where mrs low ASKED me to struggle with tim. ok that was overboard. i merely used my knee to hit his groin, since there was nowhere else to hit. whoops. so sorry.
fourth, yesterday zhanhui and i ended up fighting for no reason. erm i think he insulted me. (can't quite remember how actually.) so the natural reaction would be to, well, target his sensitive regions with my foot. only he was more scared i would pull his shirt out of shape. ok. sorry if i did hit anything and it hurt.
really. sometimes public apologies can go a long way.
hmm. ikan bilis went well, except for the part where the cleaner walked past. i swear, we are the best crew ever. we built the set by ourselves. we came back on blackout day to tech run by ourselves. hmm haha! which group's crew can dare say they have accomplished the same thing? at least seniors weren't so anal compared with other groups. (ok this is what i heard, not what i know). peace.
someone was damn diva yesterday. despite agreeing wholesomely with vernie, i think diva-ness only brings the crew more stress. like, waltzing in two hours late, sitting in a chair and prompting the crew to do this and that. argh. gets on my nerves. can't stand such behaviour. at least come early and don't whine so much lah. and i can't help it if people keep stealing the gels. well i can but people will always be devious. so the whatever colour's not there. yes, improvise, and i will make sure it's there on the actual day, i swear. you can't claim the gels as your own. and even if you don't appreciate the crew, don't say it. or you can DID.
enough said. off to school now.

i want this!

2005-06-01T12:09:00.000+08:00

posting again for the second time today, but because i just got reminded of it. good luck to all those taking the a-level tsd practicals, whether i've talked to you before or not, whether i've crewed for you before or not, whether you've yelled at me before or not. good luck to all ds people, actors, set designers, costume designers and sound designers. good luck to everyone i've bumped in and out for or who let me use the studio during my mono rehearsals. good luck to those who helped me with maths tutorials or bought lunch (chicken rice! burger king! GELARE! hahaha) for me before. good luck to those who have cooperated with the new gels rental system and have gotten their crew to rig lights back to neutral position after slots. good luck to those who taught me the differences between fresnels and profiles, spots and washes, barn doors and gel holders, fades and snaps, subs and channels, crossfades and blackouts and so on. good luck to those who have trusted me with their deepest, darkest emotional secrets. good luck to all those who have put up with us and helped us saw heavy pieces of wood. yay. break legs.
am glad ikan bilis set is about to be done. yay yay. later we're going back to tech run and make some last changes. then later maybe all eight of us can go for ikan bilis dinner. haha. we are the cool crew. the pacifier gang!
am very glad group is not in shambles. at this stage, i can still feel us improving. through all the "anal-ness" and exhaustion, our endings and runs keep getting better and better. i don't feel sick of it yet. i can't feel us getting "draggy" quoting lofty. hah i feel high now and i don't quite know why. the only thing that needs polishing, is frankly, the set. foil needs to be touched up. otherwise, we have nothing to worry about.
which reminds me. last night this grand senior (albert i think) said i was going to choke myself with the pacifier while cycling around school. hah. as if. i have total control of myself and my food.
haha had this sudden thought of cats setting up a theatre group. so fun! let's do that after we graduate (though we'll probably starve). though i think we may all shy away from acting after the recent monologuing. well at least i would. haha. we'll be called CATS. (know what that stands for, heh). then we can write scripts, design costumes and prepare for big-scale productions. so fun. and we'll give wild rice a run for their money. can't wait! haha.
it is officially five months to my birthday. i want a pair of samurai pants! like the hakama i saw yesterday in the costume room. somebody said it cost $24 only. ok, i want samurai pants for my birthday! samurai pants, come forth. only they're quite heavy. i think that pair i found belongs to ling. ok i'm going to start saving.
11 june!

story of a lonely guy

2005-06-01T10:33:00.000+08:00

lost the words, lost the nerve, lost the girl, left the line.
ooh i like that song so much. it's so emo and angsty. all right i know i'm an emo and angsty person. but whatever, nice song.
the huge cut on my foot where somebody (can't remember who, unfortunately) dropped a piece of splintered wood meant for repairing the platform on sunday has stopped swelling. there was no blood. just this itchy agony, tempting me to scratch away in a frenzy. oh wait i think i know who the culprit is. but never mind shall not mention his name here. haha because i think he reads this.
i got this idea from somewhere i can't remember. the trick is to list down all the people you saw in a single day, in order of appearance, who made you happy. well, not so much made me happy, but just made me feel glad that i'm not the only slave to theatre. ok that's not a bad thing. those who made me feel relieved i'm not the only one stressed and slogging. i'm going to try it for yesterday.
darrel. mingyu. bernice. sulas. makoto. priya. nicola. junyi. bob. hanisah. karmun. yeekuang. marcus. talia. gen. meredith. kailing. rowell. didi. hwei san. sumaiyah. steph. saiful. andrea. zhiying. sam. natasha. serene. krystle. mike. tim. cheryl. jasmine. yisha.
sorry if i left out anyone. i think i did. whoops. can't really remember.
last night after the teachers locked up some of us stayed back to paint black boxes until late. i remember mrs low saying something like, the true test of a theatre student is the construction of a black box itself. (not as in, the space, but the object, the black box). ok it stumped me. a black box must be strong enough to hold immense weights. erm i don't think there are nails in black boxes. now that's really weird. ok i'm not making sense. so how do they stick the pieces of wood together (assuming it's wood lah) without nails? ok whatever. so as the painting of the black boxes proceeded, something highly disturbing occured. yes, a traumatising incident, ladies and gentlemen, happened before my very eyes.
the packet of chips i bought from the 7eleven was devoured in ten seconds flat by twenty-odd people who had not yet eaten dinner, at pray, 10pm.
so slots have really consumed us, so much so that we have lost our primary need for nourishment. now this is scary. because of slots we have neglected ourselves and our health. it's quite sad actually. never mind. it'll be over soon. we'll have to hang in there.

i refuse! this is not a charade!

2005-05-30T21:49:00.000+08:00

have realised two things about conan today. number one, his waist size is the same as my hip size. if i had hips, that is. i am so androgynous that people mistake me for a butch when i wear the ikan bilis costume. number two, (oh this is freaky) i have the same birthdate as him. i have thought it impossible for anyone (besides ai wern and leenabel) to have the same birthdate as me. because november babies, like july babies, are uncommon. (according to yisha)
tsd is consuming me. i won't go so far as to say that i am "flooded with slots" quoting the irritant mentioned on siying's blog. but honestly, man. like, come on. people should think before committing themselves. i'll say it directly. do the gpp since you said you would. freak freak freak. argh. pissifying. gross. since i know he doesn't read blogs i can rant all i want. argh do it for goodness sake. before we get into deep shit with that teacher again. stupid mushroom. hate all mushrooms. evil mushroom who doesn't clean his ears.
something surprises me, yet again. priya and i have similar personalities. minus the comedy factor, of course. we're both confrontational. we're both fairly straightforward. we both come on too strong. we both think seniors and juniors alike deserve respect from each other. we both spout vulgarities when provoked. today i realised there are two kinds of people in tsd. one kind will be totally fearless of the seniors, intolerant of unreasonability and extremely outspoken. the other kind tries not to find faults, is understanding of stress and gripes minimally.
well i guess it is unfair if you've slogged your heart out and your senior snaps at you and is totally unappreciative. believe me i have gotten my fair share of this. no, and i'm not bitching. this is not a charade or a personal attack on anyone. i'm saying in general. like, imagine providing someone with emotional support and then having them turn around and yell at you for no reason. i'm sure many year ones can relate to this.
use stress as an excuse, which is what they always do. the lines become blurred and we come home feeling tired and empty every day. it's sad. it's unneccessary. stress is no excuse. think of the poor crew. the first to bump in and the last to bump out. faithfully there. i must admit it does pain me sometimes to see a crew waiting around aimlessly and stressing, waiting for slots to end so they can bump out for their totally unappreciative senior group.
without the crew, the cast cannot survive. without lights, the space cannot be visible. without sound, the piece is meaningless. without free labour, the set cannot exist. theatre cannot be created. it's injustice, the way the crew is treated at times. we are taken for granted. it's unreasonable. but who am i to say this. it's not in my place to complain. i'm just a junior. it's a vicious cycle. i'm sure it will happen again next year.
what is the point. why am i rambling. this is leading nowhere. we've tried to improve things. meaningless. we're just juniors, remember. if we complain we get shit. hah. welcome to the real world, tsd zerofive batch. i'm sure we've all grown up faster than we've intended.

pacifier

2005-05-29T18:01:00.000+08:00

If low, the surges wet your flagging plumes;
If high, the sun the melting wax consumes:
Steer between both: nor to the northern skies,
Nor south Orion turn your giddy eyes;
But follow me: let me before you lay
Rules for the flight, and mark the pathless way.

i failed my 2.4km run by 15 seconds. i ran and ran and ran and i was cruising (well not really) at 13 minutes by the fifth round, and the teacher said, "going to fail already lah". so i walked. no, really. i wasn't tired. but since i had conveniently forgotten the passing mark, i thought, might as well walk and forget it, since i'm going to fail anyway. then turns out i could actually finish it under 17 minutes. wasted. horrible teacher. going to slap her face.
i'm also going to murder those who complain about the ava lights not being in correct places. like, please. you're not even a teacher. you're just a what, grand-senior. but sorry. i don't see why the word "grand" has to be there. shut up if you don't understand anything. whoohoo i am bitching again. whatever. so sue me. if you want the lights put properly go rig everything yourself.
have been coming home late these days. well. it's sometimes nice to stay in school so late. like everybody is gone and you're there by yourself with some good friends. your own space, an escape from reality, away from the real world. where backstabbing is abundant.
after the lah-lah match on wednesday nicola and i went for dinner with a huge bunch of seniors. because we stupidly thought ruth, marcus, yee kuang, talia and co would join us later. spent like half an hour wandering around the kallang darkness, thanks to somebody's fantastic sense of direction, and ended up at kallang kfc. though i swore never ever ever to eat kfc again after the ndp ordeal i did this time. oh, helen. you made us wait so long.
the night after that something scary happened. we opened the door in the middle of the slot and saw our props and shoes overturned in the mud. our things were scattered around like fallen leaves. apparently lofty had gotten so mad with the mess he had just thrown everything out in a fit of rage. wow. so we cleaned up. duh.
cheryl's back in school with her robotic leg. she looks like something out of star wars. cool crap. it's good seeing her again. my econs knowledge is totally on par with hers. yay. hey cats, we are reunited! love you guys so much! heh heh!
please, just tell me what i need to know. it'll be quick and painless.

thrown

2005-05-22T11:56:00.000+08:00

"it's not a matter of life and death. it's more than that."
-gerard houllier on football

yes and no. yes because ninety minutes can sometimes be the most frustrating period of your life. no because after your friends stop slamming you for supporting the wrong team, they come around later.
~~cardiff was beautiful last night.~~
acceptance. i remember thinking the same thing two years ago, during the final against southampton. maybe i should not be a soccer fan. defeats run past me. i can accept them. victories are meant to be celebrated, but not large-scale celebrations because sooner or later, in the next cup final, it's bound to backfire on you.
i am dispassionate. i realise that. i love arsenal, but in a detached way. i don't feel frustrated when they lose. it's part of life. ~~but that's probably because they don't lose often.~~ i am not subjective enough. though i do think reyes played lousy football yesterday, if i could say so.
i kind of wish marc overmars was still playing there.
phantom hands are slamming me, slapping me and tearing my flesh off for saying these things. well yes i agree that life is unfair. but nobody said that at old trafford. nope. united were under par against us but they still won in the league. what if. what if neville and ferdinand had been sent off last time. would that have changed things? probably. what if lehmann hadn't been in form yesterday. most likely. we didn't create enough. but neither did they last time. so. it's a simple reversal.
i wonder what mr hornby would have to say on this.
but still, some silverware is better than none. throw in a golden boot award and an automatic qualifier to the uefacl, and there you have it. a decent season.
i think we football fans are masochists. we support the team because we love them, yet it pains us when they lose. but we still continue supporting them, despite the number of times we get hurt. we are like fools in love. love transcends physical boundaries. to me football is not about pride and gloating. it's an addiction, something you love yet hate and cannot escape from. you hang on to the last thread of hope even as your team loses.
it's bittersweet.
i salute those who prevailed. jens lehmann, ashley cole, philippe senderos, kolo toure, lauren, robert pires, patrick vieira, gilberto silva, francesc fabregas, jose antonio reyes, dennis bergkamp, freddie ljungberg, robin van persie and edu.
sometimes you only have yourself to blame if things go wrong. that's something i learnt from football.
shit i'm getting sleepy. i need a new pair of slippers too.

AGC (anti-guy club)

2005-05-21T20:45:00.000+08:00

it's official. we now have set one up in vjc. applause please! and guess who's the president? no, not me. esmonde.
today slots really tired me out. when i came back from dental i found some people playing soccer at the garden tables. hilarious, with the girls against the guys. of course, the girls won 3-2. whee. ok actually it was 3-1. but whatever. give the guys some credit. poor things (bob, mike and junyi), working their asses off and trying to get the ball past steph, zhiying and didi. laughable. and priya commentating in the background in her usual biased way... a circus. i watched this over kinder surprise and fries.
i just had a sudden thought. much as ikan bilis has a troublesome set and frustrating costumes, i think i would be quite sad if i were to be kicked out of their crew. i think it's the most fun group around, to be brutally honest. i like the ethics. we, the crew, are involved. that's the way it should be. i guess this came from me talking to sam and kai last night about the "bump-in, bump-out" groups. haha. we are the best group lah. no need to argue. let the results do the talking. hah.
stupid china guy refused to pick up. avoidance tactics. i'm going to stab him with the taekwondo sword. and if he still doesn't return the gels, i'm going to kick him where it hurts most. i'll make him pay for his irresponsibility. see? one reason why i hate it when ccas borrow stuff from us and never return them. in guides it was like that too. the pe department kept stealing our bricks. and not just ours, the npcc's as well. serial koppers. screw them.
today ec did a showing. serene now has to sweep with conviction. almost laughed halfway when i saw her picking up the broom. whoopsie serene. practise sweeping a few more times and you'll be a star. yay! haha. oops. hope the paint on the night floor would not get washed away by water.
today i saw the mist on the door of 24 hours when it started raining outside and the air conditioning dipped inside. it reminds me of the mist on the door of the amk avenue 4 macs, whenever it rains. the 24 hours looked like a fridge from the outside, with the lights shining through the condensation. i scribbled on the door with my finger. hmm yeah i love glass doors.
sleepover anyone?
stuck in my head. would be nice to hear accoustic version:
"and i try and try to forget you girl but it's just so hard to do every time you do that thing you do"

so well.

2005-05-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

me: why is one of your kids wearing a liverpool jersey and the other an arsenal jersey? are they forming opposing fanclubs within the household?
mr harris: nope, they just like the colours. they couldn't care less about the teams.

c. better than expected. no pizza hut, sorry kids. but i'll definitely give something else. hah i scored, scored and scored for costume. nicola, another costume designer is on the way to join you! by the way congrats to everyone for not flunking.
i don't like being caught in the middle of people's arguments. meaning, i don't want to be involved. and i don't like taking sides. just leave me alone without that. this sounds angsty. but what the hell, here's my opinion. he went too far. it was a tad too insensitive. and maybe she overreacted. but i shall not go into that. it's none of my business. sorry if i got dragged about. i won't let that happen anymore.
i just took mr young's bike for a spin, because i got bored waiting for my parents to pick me from school. his bike is surprisingly easy to ride. and it's fantastic to ride around the school at night, all by yourself. i went past the co and strings people, the guests, the security guard, a couple of late-night muggers and mr lofthouse. my god i love his bike. i may steal it from him haha.
hmm. i wanted to use the ava this week to rig the lights with the other lights people, because the spots were all effed up. but too bad, some group or some people doing their duos or monos ate into the year 1 i/cs' slot time. that's okay, if they don't want their lights rigged. they can go ahead and do their monos in the spillovers. it's certainly causing me no loss. i'm glad no complaints have been filed. and that china dude. like, hello, who switches off their phone all day for two whole days? yun fei is his name. if he doesn't return the gels i'm going to kick his ass. basket. like hello? gels are expensive. not that i'm paying but tsd has to. switch on your phone and return them or else. you're screwed.
just read this scary pinter play which was sitting around in the tsd room. it's about two guys in a basement and a dumbwaiter. i don't know why it's scary. maybe the tension and suspense. underlying meanings. it's supposed to be absurd. shit. if anyone asks me to analyse the text i will just drop dead on the spot. bad.
ok now this paragraph is for cheryl. listen up, cheryl. i can tell you're depressed from your posts and messages. but cheer up, we're quite sian at school too. like, econs rocks. and i can really explain econs to you since i totally, totally went for wednesday's econs lecture. haha. whoopsie. school is boring because of the lessons. but we're awaiting the elegant arrival. it had better be elegant. hah. take care darling.

my phone is driving me crazy.

2005-05-15T12:43:00.000+08:00

You scored as Stage Manager. You are the Stage Manager.
You are large and in charge.
Keeping track of all those crazy people is a task!
Just remember to breathe.

Stage Manager

75%

Costume Designer

75%

Techie

60%

Chorus

50%

Supporting Role

45%

Lead Role

15%

Which type of Theatre Person Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

see? it's in-born. it's INNATE. i'm destined to be a stage manager/ costume designer. hahahahahahaha.
haha. phone just refused to switch itself on this morning, despite the constant massaging of the battery. forget about contacting me for another day at least. i think i dropped it too many times. and apparently there's something wrong with house phone too.
thinking of becoming a three-subber. maybe i won't stress so much. anyway, it's obvious which subject i'll drop if i do become a three-subber. already calculated the number of free periods i would have if i dropped one subject. eight more free periods. wowee. can go home early on mondays too. only then my combi would be really weird with the remaining subjects. wish i didn't have to decide. bah. tough.
sometimes i wonder why i never joined science fac from the start. if i had joined science i would not take physics, bio, f maths or econs. so that leaves me with basically nothing. what the hell am i saying. i think i'm going mad. can't even imagine myself doing spa or anything like that or having at least one test a week. crazy. mugging nonstop. no way. can't imagine subjecting myself to another two years of torture learning physics and chemistry.
i think i have slight masochistic tendencies. i mean, look at the subjects i have chosen to do for a-levels. lit? uhh. econs? uhhh. maths? uhhhhh. tsd? uhh uhhhh uhhhhh. surely with any career i choose i will starve. can imagine the career paths ahead of me. "roads to starvation". but never mind. at least i'm not the only one. shall just starve lah. if i run out of money i'll sell my and soccer junk on ebay. "limited edition england jersey, $1200000". only i don't have an england jersey.
wish i was a millionaire. then i can spend and spend and spend on all those things listed on my wishlist. haha. and i will never have to worry about diminishing returns or market structures ever again.

shortchanged

2005-05-14T22:49:00.000+08:00

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!

How scary are you?

huh. posting for the second time in a day. dad's outside watching the replay of the seven-nil thrashing of everton, while i'm struggling over chaucer. hmm. you can bet he will watch it over and over again, so i can just ask him for the tape later. he's seen the match like three times already.
erm i have this feeling i forgot something. i always feel like this. and although most of the time i'm just plain paranoid, this time i think i really, truly, forgot to do something. dammit. and my phone broke down too, just ten minutes ago. so now i'm cut off from the rest of the world. house phone doesn't work, mobile refuses to turn itself on, msn is like non-existent after i tried to load it again and comp almost crashed, inbox is getting haywire etc etc. luckily my parents are at home, otherwise if i slip on the toilet floor and die nobody would discover me until the stink alerts the neighbours two months later. uhh. morbid. too many sci-fi novels and shit. look what it's done to me.
somebody once told me: big feet=big manhood. was suddenly reminded of that when i saw this hugologo gigantica pair of guy's slippers outside the studio today. like the feet were practically twice the size of mine. i'm a size 6, which means the guy is probably like a size 12 or 13. hey. i'm not dirty-minded on purpose. i just couldn't help remembering the fact when i saw the slippers. i wonder, really wonder which tsd person those slippers belong to. details: brownish slippers with open toes. the slip-on slip-out kind. very ah pek kind of slippers. ee. hope the guy doesn't find out what i've been writing here. i think it was somebody having morning slots. can imagine those colossal trampers dirtying the floor of day, or night, or whatever he booked. huge feet, huge manhood. urgh. what if those slippers belong to nobody in particular, like many of the flip-flops around the tsd room. or what if it's the cleaner's. then i'll sound really stupid. i already think i sound stupid. i can't imagine any tsd person having such big feet. about the length of my o-level physics textbook. sick in the mind. haha. i'm mildly amused. ok forget i said this. seriously.

chauvinists

2005-05-14T11:27:00.000+08:00

this world is full of male chauvinist pigs. if you asked me to name the number of males i know of who aren't MCPs, i can count them on one hand.
ok, to update about the napfa test. for once, i passed shuttle run. can't believe it. got a B. my god. last time in sn i was always averaging 12 seconds plus, which was around E. and i did fairly well for pull-ups, sit and reach and sit-ups too, got all C and above.
then, they had to spring the standing broad jump on me. seriously. this is the one area i bloody can't pass. i jumped and jumped but i kept failing and failing. not even E. just failing. i think those queueing behind me got all pissy. means i'll have to retake everything next week. damn. might as well have failed everything. shall just slack around next week. but shit. have to run 2.4km. damn. might as well fail.
well soccer training was quite ok, despite the 3.2km run. almost died on the way back from east coast. can't believe coach wanted us to run 12km at first. does that say something? i'm very fit, yeah. hmm. being sarcastic again. i think when we reach the competition we're going to be thrashed like shit. and i hope no match support comes to watch us embarrass ourselves. like honestly. when they cheer "let's go vj let's go" during soccer matches it just sounds very lame. like especially during the match against rjc. non-stop cheering. malu-ating.
yesterday on the mrt i saw this guy yelling at his girlfriend on the train. and the girl was just rolling her eyes at him. like, whatever. i hate chauvinists and assholes who shout at girls. this is not directed at anyone specifically, but i'm saying in general. like they deserve to lead lonely lives, slouching behind some computer screen and playing some freak game, where they can vent all their pms-ey anger on the keyboard. small ego-ed misogynists. "if you get the urge, do it unto yourself what you would otherwise do to others." -extracted from some comedy play i don't know the name of. (not sure if the quote's accurate but you get the gist.)
today i was traumatised. i walked into the clinic to return something and saw someone's mono results. shoot me. bang. wish i didn't see.
yesterday we visited cheryl at hotel elizabeth. we expected (ok i expected) to see her inert in bed, looking all sickly, but instead she was up, on msn, listening to her ipod and being her normal elegant self. so junyi's fantasy wasn't fulfilled. updated cheryl about the day, all the usual blah blah blah stuff, then we opened our gambling den. expected. haha.
oh and something i always keep forgetting to say. some people still secretly read this space to see if i bitch about them here. ok whatever. i don't bitch unless it's absolutely neccessary. haha. i have my limits.

paradoxical

2005-05-11T22:31:00.000+08:00

today was happy, because i went for soccer training. and although i screwed up and kept falling over the ball, it was still really really fun. don't know why, since i hate stuff that makes me physically tired. but today was fun. really.
oh yes and that reminds me. there's napfa tomorrow. wow! napfa tomorrow! after i just came back from mc. i'm very fit and toned, after spending two weeks skiving off pe and slacking around in air-conditioned rooms. hmm, yes. will aim to fail everything except pull-ups. cannot, ever ever fail pull-ups, as have never failed pull-ups before in entire life. but will fail practically everything else, especially standing broad jump. and shuttle run. my god i can't run or jump or do sit-ups or whatever. somebody shoot me. can't even run 2.4km. wait, can't even run 1.6km. better still, after 100m i get tired. wonderful.
today. i realised that someone who i figured i was on pretty good terms with me had betrayed my trust. the realisation just hit me today, while sam and i were waiting for steph and serene to come for soccer. i feel used. can't believe it. allowed myself to fall for such a devious trick. using me as a means to convince a group of people that they are on solid ground, while in fact, they are being disliked intensely. i was used, godammit. sam doesn't agree, but i know it. so stupid of me. trying to gain my trust. no way i'll fall for such deception again. ever again. wasted my entire 35 minutes so long ago, rambling on and on. well sorry, i'm not interested.
trust has died. i shall never talk to that person again. at first i just thought that person was psycho and plain lonely. now i just realise that beneath that facade of innocence and chumminess lies barely discernable hypocrasy and hatred for we five. bloody shit. i'm too nice. or perhaps, i wasn't mean enough to see this coming. well. whatever.
i hate being exploited.
shit.
despite all that, am happy to say (yes, i'm happy again) that enrolment is this friday! drumroll! yay another trip back to sn! can see my lovely juniors. hopefully they'll be prepared for the trials of promotion and stuff. hah. i remember when i got enrolled i had to memorise a lot of shit. like, why is the guide uniform blue and other crappy stuff. hope they get their facts right.
and. seeing the other tsd people (year ones) makes me feel very contented. somehow. when we see the 52 and 53 people at lectures, we wave freely across the lts, pass each other in the hallways and sit near each other in the canteen. i rather like our batch. i guess it's nice to have something in common with others in the arts faculty. i can't exactly say we're that bonded, but we all like theatre, so we're almost family. seems weird when i say it. ok, whatever.
take care in hotel elizabeth, cheryl.

ok this is just so interesting.

2005-05-08T12:10:00.000+08:00

You Are the Very Gay Peppermint Patty!

Softball is the huge tipoff here...
As well as a "best friend" who loves to call her "sir"

What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?

well done, west brom!
oh man this is just so interesting. i just have to talk about it. not the west brom thing. but this article i saw this morning. refer to L14 of the sunday times, or if you don't have your copy, i'll summarise it for you here.
you see this guy was writing about how singapore men were put off by singaporean women. yes the usual blah blah blah stuff, followed by institutional discrimination.
he compares the girls from different girls' schools. "rgs girls sound like cavemen at sports meets". hahaha, my goodness. he should really attend the school track and field meets for the a, b and c divisions and listen to the cedar girls fight it out with us.
and then "convent girls are the most havoc: pope benedict, are you listening?" ok, whatever. only the minority of convent girls are like that, from what i know. excuse me? havoc my ass. it's like hello. convent girls and their worldwide reputation. has he or his guy friend ever attended a convent school? what does he mean by havoc anyway? ok i can figure a bit. like that time our girls' basketball team thrashed the kiampah chinese high guys in a friendly two years back. poor things. but anyway, on to the best bit:
"ladylike scgs girls are the nicest to date, but would transmogrify into high maintenance tai-tais upon marriage".
um ok. whatever. blanket condemnations. anyway he claims it was said by this other guy, not himself. why, is he afraid the scgs girls will start drawing up plans for his murder? not that what he says is completely accurate. some parts are, but only some parts.
hahahaha. actually it's quite amusing. ok i think i'm going mad. i'm laughing.
ok now to some down-to-earth stuff. i want to watch star wars.
my msn is screwed again. every time i try to go online it just breaks down on me, such that i don't feel like going online anymore. it's pissifying. now i try going online a maximum of once per week, and every time it shuts down on me.
i sound crappy.

time to recover

2005-05-07T17:41:00.000+08:00

monos are over. yay. now let's all pray, shall we? i can imagine quite a few people praying i will get B minus and better so they can get their pizza hut treat from me. hah. if only. i think some people misunderstood me. when i said i'm treating them to pizza hut, i mean ordering the pizza to the school. not physically going to pizza hut. i don't think the price will be any different. well, whatever. too lazy to go out lah.
stupid country club. supposed to go there for cousin's birthday yesterday with scary in-laws. my god. even in my family there are cliques. bloody hell. me, my parents, my aunt and uncle and two cousins on this side, cousins-in-law, cousin-in-law's scary mother, cousin-in-law's drunkard father, bitchy other cousin-in-law with drunkard mother plus her freaky toddlers on that side. what a screwed-up family. anyway. scary in-law gave us wrong directions and we spent ages wandering around turf city in the dark. and i was in my school uniform, clutching my bottle of grape snapple, rolling my eyes in the back seat while scary-in-law yelled at mother over phone and we got even more lost. whatever. didn't start ordering the food until 9.20pm. while waiting i snuck off to posh toilet with bottle of grape snapple and painted nails black. appetisers arrived around 10pm, main course around 10.40pm and dessert around 11.30pm. almost died. ridiculously small portions, with huge inefficient pauses in between. all around, chaos. scary-in-law making conversation with mother (bitch, she yelled at my mother earlier) while dad/uncle/aunt sat there rolling eyes and checking respective watches. cousin (birthday girl) was very nice though, telling me about house of wax and london trip and stuff, and her teaching days at plmgs and those pl girls she knew of who went to vjctsd. kept me awake. anyway. bloody food was frozen. posh eh? 1cm cube of lamb takes 100 minutes to arrive. place full of ang mohs getting high on merlot. shall never ever go there again. hate it. two cliques acting nice towards each other while actually they want to stab each other's eyes out. poor mother, she was trying to be nice.
just heard the neighbour upstairs playing school song on some high-pitched string-y instrument. (violin?) oh shit. almost forgot the tune. and the words, especially because they're in chinese. ah well. she's from sn. although 80% of sn girls don't even bother to sing during assembly. luckily our school song (sn's) isn't sexist. i hate songs that are biased against women. like the song the ns men sing and they forced our ug contingent to sing on ndp. "we're part of singapore's finest men." like hello. most of us were girls. we're not men, godammit. i've sunk so deep into anti-guy-ism. when scary in-law asked if i was attached (she assumed to a guy) i knew it would be tough to explain all the anti-guy stuff as such people never understand. to make her happy i said yes. don't care if she bitches to my mother. like whatever. bitch away. as if my mother will believe her and care what she thinks.
shit, gp essay.

untitled

2005-05-05T20:33:00.000+08:00

mono was... well. whatever. i chiong-ed last minute and i can say, with some confidence, that i will pass. i actually quite miss being beatrice. and i can't wait for tomorrow, because tomorrow i can watch all the pieces! i'm going to watch nicola and junyi and sulas and everyone else who hasn't performed yet. break legs guys! thanks to all my friends (sam, steph, serene, cheryl and junyi) for their help, my sm liting, ling and zhiying for the makeup and tim for being my guard last minute, after one tech run. thanks so much. you guys are the best!
memorable moments from the monologues!
sam/martha: hey hey, where is everybody? (pause, barges out of door and knocks over wine bottle)
cheryl/paulina: i had a... well, phobia wouldn't be the right word, a certain... apprehension about medicine. (digs gun into hostage's back)
serene/pearl: that's a... "come to bed" face. (poses sensually, giggling with intoxication)
steph/madwoman: GOD, AWESOME IN YOUR HEARTLESSNESS! (clutches stuffed lamb and waves expectantly at sky, curls flying madly around)
tim/sgt: (general shouting and banging around, exposing his two crooked front teeth)
junyi/maniac: yoohoo! inspector! (cookie monster face pops out from behind door)
yayee!
have finally, finally, finally handed in my pi.
ok today was quite eventful. this ex-dhs guy sat behind me on the bus this morning. guy tells female friend beside him: i thought all tsd people were in drama club. (pause.) oh, wait, actually drama club standard is higher than tsd standard. tsd standards are down there while drama standards are up there, right?
DRAMA STANDARDS ARE HIGHER THAN TSD STANDARDS. like. ok. whatever. piss off, freak. he was just very lucky i didn't turn around and hit him, hard enough to send him flying onto the road, because i was half-asleep. DRAMA STANDARDS ARE HIGHER THAN TSD STANDARDS. ok. here my ranting begins. asshole. you aren't even in drama. that's because you asked your friend for tickets. you obviously aren't in tsd. shitty bastard. go get your own life. i don't care if you insulted guitar or harmoc, like you did. but don't insult tsd. i swear when i find that stinking piece of shit i'm going to clobber him senseless with an activated stun stick and shove his head up a pressure pipe. hah. 20000000+ atm. see how he likes that. priya and kai are going to do the same. don't mess, shithead. i'm giving you the finger; so go cry.
urgh. quite enjoy ranting. whoa. hope no drama person comes after me.

give me ij anytime

2005-05-02T20:28:00.000+08:00

two more days. one more day for some people. but good luck, everyone. do your best!
to all sn girls who know me and read my blog: this post is for you.
i spent 10 years in sn, and yes i really like sn a lot, despite the fact that sn's humans department sucks (imagine, having teachers like mrs ******** teaching humans), sn's science department sucks (teachers like mrs lai), and the only saving grace about out school is the brilliance of our sports teams. well not the only saving grace. but i think sn has changed over the years. sn is different from all the other sn schools, especially schools like chijtp and chijstc. sn people either turn out one way or another: full of school/class/house spirit, or slack. i think you know which category i belong to. but anyway. just want to say that i miss the good times in sn very much. for example:
-playing bridge non-stop in class, with the entire block of people: siao er, xinnie, rina, xianhui, diana, jinghang, yizhen, yiwen and elsa. and sometimes yuqin would come over too.
-indian poker/heart attacks (and continuously bluffing siao er that she had to change the ace of spades on her forehead)
-1 Charity! 2 Loyalty! 3 Grace and 4 Grace!
-bitching about the stupid effing anal seniors during guides sessions with yuqin and nicole
-complaining about world flag/world conference/asean shit with becky
-esplanading at 2am in the morning, then watching lotr until 6am
-being sent out of the science labs by mrs ang for coming in late, and then being let in again 2 minutes later because she didn't know how to work the computer
-laughing about susie during pe lessons. also, giggling sneakily that she couldn't tell the difference between sir alex ferguson and gerard houllier
-playing badminton during recess with lynn (ok this was in sec 1)
-ORANGE BOWL ORANGE BOWL ORANGE BOWL. yellow noodles, soup, a little bit of sambal chilli. $1.
-listening to mrs tan (saggy-chested mrs tan) complaining that our class was lousy because we were all geogers ("geogers ah, cannot do source-based!")
-listening to mrs seah going on ("so RUDE! don't talk when the teacher is talking!" and drawing her p-grams)
-talking with xinnie about happy tree friends and sloggies, plus drawing cartoons of mr clement tan.
-listening to siao er and yuqin moan about their love lives and being very glad i never had and never will have a love life with a guy
-hearing mrs ong complain about my dirty jokes and my sleeping during physics (i honestly couldn't help it. i HATE physics like shit.)
-ndp! and fengru swooning over the army guys.
-new zealand exchange trip/international camp! and those dirty outdoor toilets and funny accents
-chickie porridge at amk hawker centre
-mushroom cheese toast for 70 cents
-machi dance, choreographed by dearest ling!
-kingfisher over the years: clare, calista, huifen, luan shuang, lijuan, grace, lewina, becky, jen, ling, gillian, jasmine, biyan, debbie, evetor, serene, pei xuan, chia ying. love you guys, kfc was so much fun. also not forgetting ms ho jiemin.

predictable

2005-04-30T14:34:00.000+08:00

Apathy, well I can say your lucky, in some ways.
You see Apathy is no emotion, basically you
don't care. But that does not make you a bad
person. Some of my friends are apathetic and I
love them, but it wouldn't hurt to care a
little more. Trust me life hurts, most people
who are apathetic do it cause they were hurt.
But don't worry, life is pain, it's also
pleasure. Good luck. (please vote)

What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

wow. ok. apathy. i so think so too.
anyway, today dad and i were talking, and dad said to me, "please don't get yourself expelled from vj."
if there's anything i can say, it's how surprised i am that my parents actually know so much about me. erm yes i do agree that certain things i do or threaten to do to people might result in my expulsion. like continuously being caught by teachers for sleeping in class, not responding, ponning lectures, etc etc, the list goes on and on. in sn i only got called up by ms low li eng once during assembly for wearing pe shirt on a non-pe day. jc has changed me. it has made me more apathetic towards what the teachers think of me. and when it comes to threatening people. let's not get into that.
well. if i get expelled, i guess i won't be too surprised. if i'm expelled i suppose i'll be very bored at home. what would i do besides watching tv all day? haven't thought of that yet.
paradoxical.
i don't believe in senseless violence. but sometimes violence is neccessary.
oh well, whatever. if i'm expelled so be it. i'm not being melodramatic; my dad said this in the first place. bah. whatever. got to do mono journal.

dear martha, paulina, pearl and the madwoman

2005-04-29T21:56:00.000+08:00

break legs and let's pull through this shit together. i love you guys. ohh so mushy. love, beatrice.
ok, now let me see if anything interesting happened today. yes, today was viijeh's sports day. damn crappy, we still had lessons in the morning. and because we were having sports day, i totally missed out on sn's sports day, which was today also. argh. i kind of want to see how the lovely guidey juniors are doing. yay, actually i quite like being a guides senior. not because of the authority, like oh please, but because you get to wear your own clothes during guides sessions, instead of the uniform with the polished badge etc etc. ok i think i'm very zonked out now, that's why i'm saying all these retarded things.
yah now in response to the personal attacks on me. the track girl with the dirty track shoes. ok. let's get this clear. number one, i'm not in track. please get your facts straight before you whack me. i'm in soccer. number two, my track shoes are not dirty. i wash them once a week. and yes, i did mean i would shove the telescope up someplace dark and filthy if you messed with me. don't make me do it. i'm reasonable if you are reasonable. i don't care very much for personal attacks, but honestly, don't bitch behind my back after you have said it to my face. double standards. still unsatisfied? thrashing session, please. full attendance required. and don't tell me not to tell you what to do, or what to write in my blog. yup. get this. don't read this blog if it annoys you. you want respect, earn it for goodness sake. and before you whine and bitch, i'm not saying i think i'm superior to you. go on. tell your classmates to read this, get all worked up and carry on. i'm the junior with the attitude problem.
since you refused to draw the line from the start, i'll draw it for you. right here. i'm going to say it during the trashing session, if there is a thrashing session anyway. yeah.
oh man. i now agree with the "tell to your face" thing. as in really. only thing is i don't exactly know who the freak who talked behind my back is. one year's difference, so much animosity. i want to know. perhaps we can settle this without a thrashing gm. so anyhow i'll be telling it to your face. once i find out who you are.
hmm. guides was so different from tsd. actually not really. politics and crap still existed. but i really like our green batchers. we're the best batch, the only batch where everyone got silver and above. yay yay hooray. despite the gwee part we survived. and we had a very cool squad too.
today's physical fight with tim was good, especially when my foot connected with his groin a few times. ok but he wasn't using all his strength. pissifying but satisfactory. haha. my moment in tsd to remember.

the purple ink

2005-04-28T20:38:00.000+08:00

the purple ink from the purple marker says it all. his big fat name in big fat characters. smack on the board stuck to the tsd room's front door. HAHH. go after me if you dare, freak. anyway, i'll let cheryl do the catting honours. carry on, cheryl.
i got a brilliant idea for my pi! yayee! today was at the 7-eleven after school and it hit me. homosexual tendencies in animals. yes. YAY. like do male dogs hump other male dogs etc.? plenty of room for exploration. probably because i saw a dog at the 7-eleven as well. a maltese. so while i ate my mee goreng i thought about it. how does a living environment develop/quash homosexual tendencies? wow i am so brilliant. and those snails that can change their sex? why, yes. transsexual tendencies/inclinations. like all along we assumed animals are straight, like most human beings are. but who knows, maybe animals have their own little gay communities where they ostracise straights. maybe homosexual animals have figured out how to work around the fixed system of heterosexuality. yay i'm getting somewhere!
ok i feel i'm not making sense. but whatever. at least my idea is original. whoever dares to steal it from me will get a pressure pipe shoved up his or her ________.
ok and good luck for all syf people yeah? all the best for choir siying!
today i kept having this nagging stomach ache. basket lah, and it was followed up in lit by a bad migraine. luckily i don't get migraines often. but today it was really bad. and when mrs tan asked me a question i just looked up, sleepy-eyed and messy-haired, and went "eh?" rather unelegantly. hope she doesn't refer me to a psychiatrist. damn she better not. anyway the moment she stepped out of the room the migraine went away, miraculously, with a snap of a finger. so i guess it is psychological. it's not that i hate lit, i just hate her tutorials. hah. i always can't be bothered to speak up/annotate/etc. unless i have something interesting, thought-provoking and intellectual to share. otherwise... forget about hearing me say anything. let the smart people say it for me.
tried the mono again today. i'm feeling the pressure. but it is kind of fun experimenting with the piece. ok whatever. i'm going to buckle down from now on. stop slacking. i'm showing tomorrow. oh man i hope i won't scrap.
cats doing lightscape and soundscape tomorrow. may have to pon harris' lecture. well. see how it goes.

is that hope i see...?

2005-04-27T20:33:00.000+08:00

erm i think so. there's still hope for my monologue to get above a D. voice work has improved. but the MOVEMENT. and the COSTUME. the lights should be okay lah i think. found another prop in the tsd room today, namely a rope. i tied myself to the ava scaffolding and practised struggling. yay. finally getting somewhere!
today mr chua returned my pi. on it he had written, "totally off" in that curly-curly handwriting. i bet that one sheet of paper would have entertained a whole table of teachers on their lunch break. or it would have entertained the entire staffroom. maybe i should just pat myself on the back.
missed training today. i'm actually quite sad, but on the other hand not really as i got to go online on the ltava computer. watched all the happy tree friends videos.
oh and before i forget, happy birthday TALIA!
this morning, we got to see tim in drag. oh man this is something i want to remember. haha! zhiying put makeup on his face for the song liling role in m.butt, and we squeezed him into this tiny tight samfoo top and this girly powder-pink skirt. and at one point he actually walked around school like that. haha, and cheryl got some good photos of him wearing the michael jackson wig. and with that bright red lipstick too. oh shit. my worst nightmare come true. a twisted freak with the tendencies of a transvestite. he looked like punch from punch and judy. (if you don't know who punch is there's a comic on him somewhere in the tsd room. or just read ITKOTC.) head cracked open, red lips exposing long, insanely crooked yellow teeth. yuck. punch come alive. punch reincarnated into a hamster's body. shit this is really really sick. he looked like an unprofessional ah-kua. i must remember never to use the make-up in the costume room should i have a performance that requires make-up. i'm traumatised. good job zhiying, but you can't help tim's face.
the poem on the class blog wasn't done by steph. well whatever. it sounds sad. i just saw it and i think i know who it's directed at.
and today cats rigged the lights in the ltava. hah! who says we can't get anything done? yay. we also figured out the washes. sad thing is someone has stolen the gels yet again. SOMEONE. ok, own up now. quick, before i change my mind and become nasty.
journal is in a mess. hope it isn't due this friday. ok off to journal now to salvage my grades.
"wouldn't it be nice if we were older?"

screwed up as usual

2005-04-26T21:29:00.000+08:00

why am i not surprised? mono is really in shambles. so much so that when people ask me to show, i have absolutely nothing to show them. like, NOTHING. not even the basic structure. i just have bits and pieces here and there. bits that don't link up with each other but instead drift around on their own, not making much sense. blame in on my slacking habit and my inability to act. there you have it: our first F case of the cohort. yay. i can imagine mrs low coming up to me, offering to send me for psychiatric help, and suggesting i quit tsd.
and shit i am having the exam next wednesday. gross. that gives me exactly one week to get my act together, literally. i don't even think anyone, any of my friends, or even the teachers, can salvage this drowing monologue. the only thing that might save me is the journal. and of course, if i stop slacking. but that is virtually impossible. end of story.
i don't even feel sorry for myself, that's the worst part. i lack motivation. i'm admitting it. bah. why was i born with such a bad attitude? ok i'm beginning to sound comical even to myself.
anyway on to yesterday. i was late for school, not for the first time, because the 55 was so bloody slow. honestly i think even the 76 that came 10 minutes later reached school earlier than the 55. when the bus pulled up at st. pat's it was already 7.40am. whatever. yvonne was with me, so we got down and strolled all the way to the main gate, waved at the security guard etc. luckily seet wasn't around. or my ezlink could have been confiscated and i would have been on my hands and knees on the field today looking for lost 20 cent coins. well i better not speak too soon. i think it's a matter of time before i'm late again.
also another reason on why i think i'm ageing prematurely: this morning when i walked into school i fell over twice. and i almost walked into a pillar today. and a musical instrument fell on the big toe of my left foot, numbing it temporarily. wahlao.
and i'm out of soccer tomorrow. ok how shitty is that? i'm out of soccer because i'm still on mc. ok i don't mind missing pe though. hah. but i guess one has to make sacrifices.
this whole entry sounds sad. yes my life is sad i suppose. haha. anyway thanks to steph for helping me with my mono today during workshop, when we were at the t-block garden.
and sports day on friday. i don't want to cheer. sorry, i have a sore throat. wow i'm so full of house spirit. i'm so damn bloody proud of myself. i'm the chairperson of the house-spirit club. cheering is so fun. yay. ready okay. blah blah blah house spirit blah blah blah nonsense.